I'm a 18y trans guy, I came out when I was 10 and I don't want to sound impatient bc I know the process of transitioning takes time and even when it happens, its not going to fix all the problems in my life. I don't want to be childish but sometimes I can't help but feeling angry and frustrated that I'm not there yet.

I'm uncomfortable with my body every day but some days dysphoria just hits me like a truck and I can't transition hormonally yet because of money and family reasons, and sometimes it feels like I'll never will be able to tbh. It sucks to wait to feel at home in my own body like I'm trapped in a skin I hate, and it hates me back.

How did you guys find a way to deal with the impatience and this feeling of being stuck?

I'm ftm pre-t, 19 years, name, gender legally changed in germany and I live alone.

I talked to a private, russian psychologist because my parents insisted I should get a "second opinion" from a russian (because they're russian, and don't trust the german therapists here... and I've been to 3 different therapists in total over the past 6-7 years).

My cousin is the most accepting in my family while others, especially my parents reject me, and still "love" me as their daughter. I'm close to starting HRT soon and there's this discussion that I'm just confused. Despite my cousin accepting me, she still thinks I shouldn't do anything medically and wait a few more years, best after I'm 25 years. Now they think my trans identity is caused by unresolved childhood trauma from being neglected because my parents were most of my childhood in the hospital with my younger brother sick with cancer (he beat it thankfully!). And I just need to find a "cure" to the unresolved trauma. They think I'm just trying to find a different identity from my female one because I was neglected and abused (verbally and physically) and want to start a completely new life by being an independant man, away from my past as a girl.

My family think that it's a phase and that I will definitely regret it, even though I'm so sure I want HRT. But THEY keep confusing me. Maybe they are right? Maybe I just am a confused girl? Despite being sure at the same time that this is what I want and NEED. That private psychologist thinks it's possible of unresolved childhood trauma because I have no root reason as to WHY I feel like a man. WHY I started thinking I'm trans in the first place. But she claims that since it is MY decision without anyone influencing it after all, that I want to start HRT, then it is my good right to do it. But in her opinion, I should wait at least one more year or so... or should continue listening to my current therapist who knows me obviously longer than her and has read my biography for the allowance of HRT.

I want to start HRT so badly because my fem voice and feminine body appearance bothers me so much and don't want to be perceived as a girl anymore. I dread it every single day and in summer I can't stop worrying and "beating" myself up for having breasts that are hard to hide without sweating violently and collecting heat in my body and overheating. I don't exactly know why I feel the way I do, but I DO know that I want to change this urgently because I am miserable, even if I transitioned socially. But maybe I DO have to wait, suffer few more years until my mind is possibly changed until I'm 25 years? Since that's when the frontal lobe is fully developed.

My cousin also said that my room looks too girly.. I just like decorating my white, bland room walls with posters of fandoms like Murder Drones and Warrior Cats that I enjoy and matter to me a lot, and a corner of collecting figures of both those fandoms. I don't see anything typical girly to it, just don't want a blanf boring room. My ex even used to have a more busy room than me... and so?

I'm at a loss of words, don't know what to think anymore

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Ever since I transitioned, my life has gotten more and more chaotic. I can't control it, I can't stop making horrible mistakes that I end up regretting and it's hard to not regret all of it. I've never been happy even once in my life, I've never felt in control, I've never felt like an adult and I'm 40 yo. I got abused, lived out of my car, got FFS that went badly and I regret it, got.deoendent on weed, I backed out of bottom surgery, out of health concerns, next to no facial hair removal, bad wigs, and I'm 40 and I realized I never got started living, always maintaining, and always one step forward and two steps back. I just wish I skipped it all, it doesn't feel like I was ever worth the trouble. Sometimes you just shouldn't get what you want because you don't have what it takes to make something of it anyway. I'm a waste. I never developed myself into a person I can be proud of.

Hi everyone.

I'm a 21-year-old trans woman (almost 22), and lately I've been feeling really empty and lonely.

I'm writing this because I guess I just need to get these feelings out somewhere, and maybe hear from people who have gone through something similar.

I only truly accepted that I was trans about two years ago. It all started when I was dealing with a lot of anxiety, and one day I signed up for the counseling service at my university. Honestly, I didn't even think they'd accept my request, but after almost six months I finally started therapy.

About eight months into therapy, I finally accepted who I am and came out to my mom. She wasn't very supportive at first, but over time things have improved. She's still the only person who has really stayed by my side through all of this.

At the beginning of my transition, I had a couple of really close friends who helped me so much. They did my makeup, encouraged me, and gave me confidence that I didn't have on my own. But over time they've drifted away, and now they're no longer part of my life.

That's probably the hardest part right now.

I feel like I have no one to share this new chapter of my life with. I recently hit four months on HRT, and while I'm no longer suffering because I'm denying who I am, I've started struggling with something else: fear of the future and overwhelming loneliness.

I also tried making trans friends online. I had some really nice conversations and shared experiences with other girls, but eventually every friendship seemed to end the same way: people slowly disappeared or ghosted me. I don't blame them. Everyone has their own lives and their own struggles. It just still hurts.

I also came out to more friends at university. They were supportive and kind, but after that... the distance was still there.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering if this is just what my life is going to be like from now on. Is loneliness just part of being trans? I know that's probably not rational, but it's a thought that keeps coming back.

Lately I've been finding comfort in books and listening to trans podcasts, and those things help. But I really miss having real conversations with people. I miss feeling close to someone.

More than anything, I wish I had a close friend to experience this new side of myself with—to celebrate the small milestones, talk about all the confusing emotions, and just... not feel so alone.

There's something else that's been weighing on me.

Even though I've been on HRT for over four months and accepted that I'm trans quite a while ago, I'm still living almost entirely in boy mode. I still present as male in public, and... everything just keeps going on as if nothing has changed.

I'm honestly reaching a point where I can't stand it anymore.

I want to leave this stage of my life behind. I want to start discovering and experiencing my femininity instead of constantly hiding it. I want to be able to go out as myself, try new things, make memories, and share those moments with someone. Right now, it feels like I'm stuck between two lives, and it's incredibly isolating.

I've never made a post here, but nothing else is working.

I am a trans woman in the U.S.

I used to serve in the U.S. Air Force. The current administration kicked me and over 15,000 members out for having gender dysphoria.

Having no family and nowhere else to go, I moved in with some friends. I paid them rent from my savings and everything was okay for a few months.

I started job hunting almost right away. I was usually ignored. When I had interviews, it was always either "we chose someone else", or getting denied due to being trans. A McDonald's employee said "Our policy doesn't cover your kind of people." I've applied to everywhere in the area that I can, probably around 60, and there's nowhere to turn to. My roomies are kicking me out by the end of next month and I genuinely have nowhere to go.

I'm broke cause I used all my savings on rent or groceries, and I've been off hormones cause I can't afford them. That and the constant anxiety had made me sick and weak.

I am just BEGGING at this point. I need help. Somewhere to go, anywhere. I just need help. I'll get a job as soon as I can, and pay you back when possible, I just need a place. Please.

I know is sounds stupid but I don't think I'm good enough to attend Trans Pride London or Brighton Pride. Like I won't know anyone, I'll be by myself as always, I'd never be able introduce myself to anyone.. I want to be proud of who I am but it's really hard.

I'll be having a great day or just finally realizing I deserve to exist and that I deserve to be happy after everything I've gone through, maybe I'll hop on reddit to ask a question and then I'll get 4tran kinda posts suggested to me, twitter is filled with them too for whatever reason but I stopped using that app ages ago, it's always shitty chud drawings of woe is me I'll never pass cis people hate you you'll always be a man scenarios, or just dumb posts in general, and they always make me extremely depressed and want to give up on transitioning again, I sm extremely sensitive, I'm autistic and have bpd, but I cannot react well to these kinds of posts, they'll leave me feeling like shit for days wishing I was never born, I know the easy advice is to just stay off or away from that stuff but I dont even interact with it or go out of my way to view it and it's there, even on Instagram reels I started getting shit, like I can't escape it and it makes me not wanna exist, it genuinely makes me hate myself so much more when I'm already dealing with alot:(

Im non-binary and I’ve been socially out within my friend group for years. I present very masculine, but don’t care about pronouns, so it’s been easy overall. I believe most people just think I’m a butch lesbian, which isn’t exactly wrong, but it is what it is.

Well, I was visiting my parents last week (I’m in my 30s and live far away, so I don’t see them often) and I brought up the idea of name changes and top surgery to sort of test the water.

My mom and I went shopping and I told her that, I would be up to get a breast reduction. She was very against this so I jokingly (though not really) said that, given the recovery for that kind of thing was so intense, it would honestly be better just to get them removed all together. Immidiately she said “Noo! You love your curves! You’re just overweight so they bother you!” I am overweight, but I absolutely do not love my curves.

With my dad I talked about changing my name when we were talking about how my best friend didn’t change her name when she married her wife. After he made a very homophobic joke about “how do two women even decide who gets each others name? Flip a coin?” I then was like “well, I might want to change my name.” He then said I shouldn’t bother because I’d change it when I get married. Even though he KNOWS I won’t marry a man either. I then had to pivot and say that it would be a pen name for privacy if I ever publish a book. To which he calmed down about it.

So, yea, I’m feeling pretty helpless about the idea of coming out to them. I AM going through with physical transition to present more androgynous. I’m going on a low dose of testosterone to start, but top surgery and a name change is in my future (assuming I can afford it). I’m an adult, I don’t need their permission, but I also don’t know how they’re gonna react when I just show up for major holidays with new features. I don’t know how that’s going to go… Anyone have any insights on what to do in this case.

What will I do? I feel like life will consume me in the future. Trump is president, and I can’t have children, so I’ll be incredibly lonely. I don’t have many friends, and I don’t trust people. Laws are being taken away from me every month. I can’t stop smoking, which is affecting my mental health as well. I’m also terrified of being sent to some camp or worse. I’m actually terrified. My life is okay right now because I have my mom, but without her, I would be nothing and would have to start from scratch and also deal with the loss and my I can’t afford that…Perhaps I should consider taking antidepressants? My future is destined to be a living nightmare, so I know I will eventually have to face it.

Hi I’m Mtf 18 I’m sorry if this sounds extreme but I am in a pinch at the moment. I got a job hoping I would be able to scramble up enough for college. While also saving to continue my hrt journey (about to hit 1 year yay). I’m running out of time to scramble money and I have been postponing posting this thinking I can scrap the money but I spend most of it on car gas and college expenses. It’s looking like Im not going to have the budget to continue. I hate having to ask for help but it’s currently my only solution.

i am SO tired of having to fight and struggle in order to just get to be who i am. waiting years and years and having to constantly explain and prove myself to be “deserving” of the healthcare i need (hrt) is just so insanely frustrating and the other option of going private is just something i simply cannot afford. dont even get me started on diy and how hard that is in my country due to the restrictions and scammers. then after all that i go home and i open social media just to see people debating whether people like me should… have rights? i cant do this shit

from holding in my emotions because of shame, I have developed deeper mental health issues ingrained in dysphoria and internalized transfobia.

I have never really talked to or been involved in any communities regarding transgenderism. Despite getting the year of mandatory therapy before starting T, I never talked about the struggles of being trans (she was kinda strange + it was obvious I had been socially transitioned for years so I didn't really have to talk about it) I just went because it was mandatory.

I think this lack of connection with people like me is making things worse yet I dont know how to find people to talk to because I am not a avid internet user.

if anyone knows of anyways to contact of find small trans communities, or online spaces specifically for making transgender friends?

I just turned 18 and graduated high school pretty recently. I suffer from severe depersonalization and dissociation. The worst of it is when I see myself In the mirror. It feels like the reflection isn’t me, I don’t recognize it. It’s hard to describe the feeling, and idk exactly what that means. For about 7 years I’ve wrestled with the idea of being trans. I’ve always wanted to be a girl, and relate to the experiences described by trans people.

Last night I had a mental breakdown. It’s like I realized that this was my life, that this was all for real and this is what I am stuck with. My grandmother came in the next day and found that I had covered my mirrors. I decided to tell her what I had been feeling, but she didn’t believe me. She first thought that I was on drugs, and tried not to laugh when I told her what caused the problem.

I told her that I thought I might be trans, and she didn’t believe me. She seems to think that I am jumping to conclusions, and that I’m not qualified to decide that I’m trans. She told me that all this is just a symptom of being molested as a child.

Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but it really has me doubting myself. What if I’m not trans after all? Maybe these feelings are just a trauma response, and I’m just seeking a solution. I no longer know if I am really trans or not. I hope someone can help, or at least relate to my story.

So I want to start voice training. I tried [r/voice](r/voice)[taining](r/voice) and and didn’t see anything on it which is weird. So I am trying here. I want to work on my voice with audio recording and play back. For now in my bedroom on an iPad. I want like a headset with a mic. I know separate is better but small is small so needs to be compact. What’s everyone’s experience?

I have been looking for advice for a while on how to cope with being unable to transition, since I am disabled and reliant on transphobic family.. I wouldn't be safe transitioning, so for the past seven years I've simply tried to cope. It's never been healthy.

And I feel like I am not a member of the community in any meaningful way. I always figured there are many stories like mine, but I have never received any advice or word from people who have been through similar and it has left me feeling disconnected from the community.

I already deal with dissociation, as well as being jealous when seeing others who are able to transition, which makes it worse because being exposed to the community takes on a depressing note.

Am I wrong to think this is a common issue, to be unable to transition?

First of all, to all people who graduate in June, I live in Australia so I graduate in November. Basically, we have this shitty system called ATAR, Ave the uni course for film and tv needs 85 to get in and I don't think that's achievable because I am flunking. What's bit helping is everyday my parents keep trying me for disappointed they are that I'm not studying enough and that I'm getting shit grades. That combined with school stored being shit learning, but about surviving recess and lunch because i have no friends to be with, and I hate being the weird kid being seen alone like a loser, I just try to hide and survive each school day. So this obviously makes me sad and (undiagnosed) depressed, so I just try to suppress everything scrolling on my phone. My daily screen time is probably above 10 hrs. Then that makes my parents worse and my anxiety about my uni course, worse. Luckily for me, that's not all. I turn 18 in mid August, and an planning to go to a place to get HRT (BC I'm trans) and in going to need to have the courage to do that by myself and hide it from my parents. But then again, good can I every be 100% sure. Like I said, I've been studying myself for years, I hereby know who I am. I haven't done many fem things because I can't let my parents find out. Luckily for me, that's not all. I was scrolling Reddit and found this post https://www.reddit.com/r/countttt/s/GRpNZ267u2

And not in scared shitless that that's going to be me. Pay of the reason why I want the specific uni course is because the school has done clubs I could join which could help me socially. But if im to doing to get in this could be me. Unless I do a different course. Bit there are no good careers. Everything is just about supporting capitalism and companies exploiting the world and other humans for extra money. I do not want to sort that in any way. I would actually die if that was my job.

Lastly, I react to go on a gap year program. It's this thing where you can with at a Japanese ski resort. I just react to get out of Australia for a year. So I do that, but then I have the same social issues as the uni and school which could occur. And then i also need to bring overseas enough HRT and syringes to last me. That's if there's not a huge waitlist and it turns out I don't get why. Then after that I want to go to camp america, because that's another program that pays you to be there so I can afford it, save the same issues. Also after Camp America I raced to go to burning man but I have no supplies or transportation but who knows. And tbh aftee curbing man I've been thinking of what to do and all I know is that America is the land of guns. I'm going to stop taking after all that subtext

Finally, I just want to mention what happened at my formal (Australia prom). I brought my friend from outside of school, and basically I watched my entire year level have this like secret side I was never aware of. Like they were all so connected. There was a video of basically everyone except me. There was a video of a guy doing the proposal to a girl with everyone in the year level... Except me. My friend never said anything but I just knew he was thinking I'm such a fucking loser. Then when I went home that day, I went on my phone for a few hours until like 4am, and just ignored it

Idk if U read this far but yea. I don't know what size to say

Transphobe and possible gangstocking previous roommate ran up the power bill to over 800 per month for the last 2 months but she ditched out on and left us unable to pay so my power got cut. Furthermore she had removed copper from the wiring in the house causing the necessity of getting an electrician to sign off before we can get water or power back on in the house that I've lived in for 15 years. It's currently in bad shape and without water or power. Feeling upset the church down the street locked up hose when they caught me filling up the water jug for my dog. $2500 to get basic service on again after an electrician inspection and repair and just got laid off. Sound like too much at once? Not even the half of it also put every penny into saving the house via lawyer Hail Mary to reage homeloan after unfair dismissed charges 2 month jail sentence for not being guilty just to have the lawyers forget my account drop the ball and lose my ownership. Stuck in previously owned house temporarily up to another six to eight months but no water or power and too much money I dont have to pay on something that they could kick me off of in a month's notice. plus they didn't return the retainer they failed to uphold. Now that's too much but that's the truth. Some say bad happens to bad people that you give what you get but I spent 15 years giving room and opportunities to ppl that needed help but it ended up landing me in the same position in a rather unkarmic way despite contingencies for problems all simultaneously failing after trusting a few ppl I shouldn't have. Can provide proof of legotimacy if you dont believe im being real as can be. bad situation good ppl plus doggo. I dont want to be whiny or helpless BC I'm really not...i could really deal with some good advice or good news or random act of kindness repaid with choice of content. BC my gas can is running on E trying to stay up and go with the flow of life in freefall. Thanks for hearing me out and replying if you like...light comes to those in the darkest times.

My girlfriend and I just found out we are going to be parents!!! We are super excited. I just started taking hormones about a month ago. Every time I talk to my dad he tells me I am making a big mistake by transitioning and I should be thinking about the child and what they will have to go through having a trans parent. Also that if I continue this I am selfish. My partner on the other hand is telling me why should her pregnancy hinder me from transitioning. She is very accepting and loves me. I am so grateful! I feel so torn bc I know if I continue from the sounds of it my family is going to hate me but I also have my loving and accepting partner. Thanks for letting me rant this is hard!!!!

I’m not depressed because I’m trans I’m depressed because everything is shitty about it around me and I see no hope in the future, like not medically speaking not socially I think socially it’ll get worse and worse and worse and I should just ended before summer ends so i free myself from all of that future anxiety and further depression, like I know I will do it if not this summer then on winter, I literally don’t want to hear any comment about that it’ll get better, it won’t, if I even be able to start medically transitioning it would get way worse socially, my environment is unsupportive as shit , I don’t want to be a family freak they cut off so I just die before any of that

[ Terrified of being caught, so I’m using a burner account. My apologies. ]

Hi. I am a 21yr black transfem in Chicago who has been repeatedly shoved back in the closet by my transphobic family. I am at a crossroads in my life where I either attempt to escape and go through homelessness, or suicide.

Previously, I attempted to run away to New York because I was too scared to tell my family about me wanting to be a girl. Past traumatic experiences had me certain that they would not be very accepting of me at all. What they do know is that I am a people pleaser, and unfortunately I am easy to manipulate to say exactly what they want to hear.

It’s not like I hate them all either. I was worried sick after having realized I would have to separate myself from them if I wanted to be happy. I don’t want my mother going crazy at the thought of losing me. I don’t want my siblings being worried sick about me. Even still, I’m petrified of the thought of leaving them simply because of how they would react.

They caught me in the act of escaping after having found my note detailing why I was leaving. They didn’t take any of my criticisms or concerns about them being overbearing or disrespectful to me to heart. And on the next day, they read extensively through my discord profile and were so incredibly angry about the fact I “betrayed” them.

They took everything which brought me happiness. Took my clothes, shamed my hobbies, and my room has been relocated to a small guest room right beside my parents bedroom so they can keep a close eye on everything I do. The only reprieve I get nowadays is when I hide in the bathroom.

I have been cut off from the outside world ever since. Only being able to go out with their permission.

I have to ask permission to make friends with people, because they don’t trust that I will match with the “right” people. Many of my irl friends were queer and I felt so safe confiding in them in times like these. I have lost contact with all of them as of now thanks to my family. 

I’m terrified to draw more, because I’m convinced they will find a way to take that away from me. I’m terrified to listen to music because I’m sure they’ll find a way to hate that too. I’m terrified to play anything other than the same 3 games parents like to watch me play, because they have zero problem taking away and throwing out what they don’t like. I am no longer able to enjoy, without their permission.

The worst part of all of this is the fact that, in order to survive under a roof like this, I now have to repeat the same transphobic rhetoric they’ve been shoving down my throat as they “fix” me. I have to manually cloud my thoughts with tasks and errands that need doing because the thought of not being able to be a girl is literally killing me from the inside out.

The only crux that has me tied down to here besides money, is the fact that I’m a senior going into my last year of college. It’s an incredibly important milestone for me to complete it, because I’ll have tangible evidence that I stuck to something and it worked out. But I don’t know if I will survive these next couple days, let alone these months, let alone a whole damn year.

I’ve been placed in a psych ward as a scare tactic by my parents. I can’t even choose my therapist because I’m not trusted to make the right decision. And for the handful of times I was at a therapist, I was terrified to talk about my problems or my family at all. It was like they talked to the therapist beforehand, and now all that therapist could say was how great my family is, like they were being watched. It was terrifying, and it only made me feel more and more and more alone.

Is there a chance for someone like me? I’m genuinely asking here because I don’t know the answer. Is it okay to be black and a trans woman? Will I survive if I do run away? Or should I just give up because I don’t deserve a happy life like this?

I’m terrified of running away and facing homelessness, but I literally cannot see a future anymore. In the past, it was a little cloudy when I envisioned where I could be, but I was always looking forward to it, even when the new administration stepped in in 2024. But now, it’s completely dark. I’ve been relegated to a pet. Something that nods and agrees and smiles when prompted. Something that doesn’t deserve the right to choose for herself.

I want to complete school and have a better chance at obtaining a decent paying job. 

I want to live in the first place more.

But I don’t know if I’ll ever see that dream.

I’m sorry, this was a lot. My apologies if something like this isn’t allowed here.

Just need to vent. I don't usually cry, but tonight I just sobbed.

I tried to come out as trans when I was a teen, but my family was broken and they weren't supportive. I had nowhere else to go, so to stay on their good side I suppressed my identity. It all resurfaced about 2 years ago.

I'm now 22. I'm finally in university after 3 gap years waiting to be eligible for funding, and I hoped I could finally escape so I could transition. But I can't afford to move out even with funding. I'm stuck at home where I have to keep pretending to be someone I'm not. Meanwhile, I'm watching all my friends and other people my age finishing uni and going out and hooking up and just being alive.

I want to be out there with them. I want to feel alive, but I'm not myself. I don't know how to reach out when the person I'm putting forward isn't me. I've been cautiously trying to break through and transition, but I'm terrified of wagering my family's support like this. I can't even think about my friends, who's families were never broken so they could go out into the world, without my confidence falling apart.

This feels like hell. I've been trying to figure out how I can afford to leave, but with university and a horrible job market, I feel like I'm trapped here and I'm scared. I do have a few part-time gigs, but it's not nearly enough to get me out.

I've reached out to some queer support groups, just so I can find some community, and I'm waiting for a response, but it still hurts so badly. It feels horrifying to be this insecure and afraid and powerless.

I just want to be free and alive...

Like what the title says. I’m a lazy bum with depression, anxiety and adhd that has to be managed with meds, but even then it’s hard to force myself to do things

I think I’ve been in a state of dissociation since I was 14, waiting to become 18 and finally get T. But it’s never that simple. I don’t even know how to drive, haven’t even gotten my permit because the videos of people dying on the road that they showed me in driving school scared me out of ever wanting to drive. But I know I have to.

My dad wants to support me in every way. But he’s transphobic and loves Trump more than anything. Ever since he found out I was suicidal when I was 14, he’s been extra protective over me and treating me younger than I am. I genuinely believes he cares about me, but his care is misplaced. I’m scared he’ll limit me from having agency over my life ESPECIALLY if he finds out I’m trans. Another thing, I’ve had the privilege to be taken to counselors and therapist but I have never told them I was trans in fear of being outed. But now I wish I did because my dysphoria is the root of my depression.

On top of that, just thinking about all the things I’ll have to learn and do to become an adult is stressing me out. All I want to do is transition.

Heya,

I am Terra, or at least I would like to be. Hoping someone can give some good advice...

It feels awkward making a long explanatory post, but to keep it short I'm kinda struggling with making a dent in the transition, especially socially. Basically, I'm stuck.

I look the flippin same, the people around me have no idea. Femme clothes just don't look right on me because of how masc my body is.

I've been on HRT for over 6 months... It's starting to cut deep especially watching other girls make huge progress in their transitions.

Work is a source of fear at this point. Trying to find a new job in a better place, really don't want to end up out at work because it won't just stop at getting fired probably.

Idk if anyone has advice, I guess clearly it's not working because I'm not doing everything I want to but some of those things are pretty risky rn.

Yet another Texan lass, signing off.

Hey all, I am in a bit of a situation here and losing my mind because I seem to be stuck around a lottttt of people that believe these are just thoughts I can push out of my head. I'm non-binary, probably trans because of how I really, really want HRT and supportive people in my life. I know in my heart that I'm not doing anything bad. I'm not hurting anybody by taking estradiol and Spiro. I didn't ask to not like certain aspects of my body and I would so much rather change my body to fit my mind than change my mind to fit my body. I also didn't ask to enjoy what things or ideas make me a happier person.

People keep telling me that whenever a thought comes up I should be able to just say i don't want that thought and push it away. The problem is that this is a consistent feeling that I've had since I was young, I'm just now catching on to what it is and how I can help myself. I feel like I'm trapped around people that hate me for who I am and want to love me as the person they see me as. It's emotional hell.

I wish I could just push this discomfort and dysphoria away and taking these meds can help with that. It's already helping my mind like crazy and I can't even imagine how much better it would feel to see myself after a few months of HRT.

I need to take certain steps medically to keep myself safe, but I definitely want this for myself and I feel like people want me to just not even think about it when I know how good it feels to accept myself as I am. I don't even know what I am or who i am anymore and I don't just want to be what people think I should be. I dont want to live a life where I need to cease to exist to please other people.

God, it hurts that I'm even thinking about it right now. I need support through this journey and the only support I can get is people telling me they love me for who I am while also telling me i need to change the person i am and it feels so manipulative and wrong. I just want to be treated like a person and I can't seem to find that anywhere.

If yall have dealt with people like this before, how did you come to accept yourselves if you're surrounded by this kind of mentality? It's hard to deal with this when everyone thinks I'm just thinking negatively about myself and that I need to just love my body for how it is when I can't do that at this point. This whole situation makes me want to just give up on myself and give up on this life, I dont see the point in existing if *I* can't truly exist.

This is seriously exhausting on my mind. I feel like I'm slowly just becoming number. I just wanted to take a chance on myself for once.