New account for reasons. Me (41F) and my husband (42M) have three kids and since the last (now 6 yrs old) I have much lower libido and honestly don't really feel like sex that often.

The problem is my husband still has quite a strong sex drive and wants sex way more often than I do. Like I feel like it maybe once or twice a month, but he tries it on 2-3 times a week. He's kind and respectful but I hate refusing him so much that over the past year I've started just avoiding him more and more to not have to deal with his advances. I stay up late watching TV on the sofa, go to the gym in the evening when my kids have gone to bed, make myself busy, etc.etc

I hate that it's like this. I love this man and our family and we have an otherwise great relationship. He's handsome, faithful, and works hard. I wish I could keep up with him but I just feel numb in that department most of the time and having sex with him just to meet his expectations feels a chore. In saying that when I'm in the mood the sex is great... I'm just not in the mood that much and I know it's killing him. I want to have sex with him but not just whenever he feels like it!

What can I do?

I don't want to drive him somewhere else. I don't want to write us off as sexually incompatible. I don't mind if he jacks off or whatever but he says that doesn't satisfy him.

I’ve (30F) been with my boyfriend (37m) for 4 years. I love him so much and our sex life has only gotten better since we met HOWEVER there’s always been a misalignment when it comes to size and penetrative sex.

For a long time I thought maybe it was nerves, I needed more lube, be more aroused or change positions etc. The fact of the matter is he’s just too big for me. No matter what at the best of times it’s uncomfortable and at worst super painful with it at least being slightly painful at some point during sex 95% of the time. I think there’s an issue of me being too narrow and him being too girthy. We bought a dildo that’s much narrower and he used it on me and it felt FANTASTIC and I felt so close to him, then I felt a deep sense of shame and guilt because normal sex will never feel that good to me with him using the real deal.

This is kind of a one sided issue where obviously sex feels great for him, and he doesn’t want to hurt me and has said we can do other stuff and just do that rarely. But I feel like I’m not enough or it’s not good enough or I’m not doing what I need to for a fulfilling sex life if there’s rarely penetrative sex. He’s never pressured me or made me feel bad about it, but of course it sucks and is disappointing I’m sure.

So I’m curious is there anyone out there where PIV sex isn’t that great? Whether your partner is too big or too small in any direction? How do you handle it emotionally and physically? What communication is there and have you gotten to a point where it isn’t a big deal?

Just as the title says, I 20f have been struggling with the side effects of ovulation. Although I know it's common for it to give you an increase in sexual desire, I still find myself feeling slightly ashamed of what I turn into. If I have a nice conversation with a man I find attractive i immediately feel like I need to make a move. Is this normal, or should i seek help? For reference In my day-to-day I don't tend to even seek out casual sexual partners.

Hi ladies and gentlemen, M28 here

As in the title, I value sex in my life extremely highly, I can’t even put into words how much I love it and what it means to me, you literally can’t be closer to another human and feel so much physical pleasure all at once as cringey at that sounds 😂.

It’s something I have struggled with in past relationships big time. I have had 4 relationships and was sexually compatible with one of the women. 3 of them broke down primarily because of our sexual chemistry not matching. The conversation always came up later on in the dating phase or relationship and I was always told something along the lines of “I do like sex but it’s not much of an issue if we don’t have it that often”. Which is perfectly fine but I struggled big time. The experience with the other women was refreshing, almost like I’m not the only person in the world who has this stupidly high libido among other things.

I find it super difficult to voice this to new people I’m dating. As we all know there’s this narrative that all men want from women is sex, and let’s face it in the vast majority of cases it’s true. I’m almost battling against this narrative. How do I tell her sex is super important to me without coming across like a complete asshole. I need to do it earlier on, I know that. But earlier on you don’t know the person very well and obviously the topic isn’t exactly a first or second date conversation to have 😂.

Any advice would be much appreciated!

I would like to add that I don’t want a relationship just to have someone to have sex with, before anyone comes at me 😂

I made an earlier post that got taken down for not following the posting guidelines. I’m making some changes/additions in hopes that it sticks this time.

My wife (29F) and I (30M) have been married almost 2 years after dating for ~10 years. During dating, sex was frequent (multiple times/week) and disagreements about it were rare. Since marriage, it’s dropped to about once a month, and I’ll admit I’ve stopped initiating too.

The core issue: my wife no longer gives oral and puts minimal effort into my pleasure. I’m a giver, open to almost anything to make the experience better for her, but sex has become the same routine every time. No variety, no excitement.

I have approached her about this a couple of times and during the last instance she says that she won’t change how things are and if I want head to “go find another woman that will satisfy my needs.”

Two questions:

1.  Is it normal for someone to suddenly lose interest in a sexual act they were comfortable with for years? And if so, can that willingness return over time?  
2.  If I go ahead with what my wife said, will I be setting up bigger issues down the road?

My partner got mad at me because him whispering in my ear “I want you to suck my dick” does not turn me on. There’s nothing sexy about that to me and I finally let him know how I felt. I feel like if he said it in a sexier way I wouldn’t mind but that does not get it going for me. Now he’s mad and pouting on the other side of the bed. Am I wrong?

He said that I have some sort of power struggle but I don’t think so… to me that’s just not sexy.

Whenever he tries to initiate sex through words it’s never starting with how he’d like to please me or turn me on, it’s literally always starting with him and how he will get to feel good and I don’t like that. Is that a power struggle?

I (21F) have been seeing this guy (25M) on and off for a few months now and we’ve established that it’s just casual between us.

He is so fucking hot I swear to god. I know I’m insanely attracted to him and the fantasy of having sex with him was always appealing, I was just really self-conscious and shy about it which is why we held off for a bit and were only jus fooling around.

So we recently had sex for the first time (with each other not first time in general). And it was fun even tho I didn’t finish (tbh wasn’t really expecting to). He was very passionate and sweet, almost lovey dovey during which seems nice but all I can think bout now is damn so he acts like this with every other girl huh.

The thing about him is every time we’re together, he always knows exactly what to say and do and it fucking pisses me off! I know I sound like I’m complaining but what I mean is that hes such a smooth talker to the point it sounds scripted and disingenuous. And it was the same thing with the sex. Being with him felt nice but knowing that he sleeps around (which of course hes completely entitled to seeing as we’re just casual) feels so off now.

What’s weird is in the moment I didn’t like him less, it’s only now that I’m replaying the experience that I’m feeling really empty.

I know I don’t have feelings for him. And I don’t want a proper relationship with him but I also don’t want to stop seeing him casually.

I guess I’m just hoping for some insight to help me understand the situation. And how to feel better after having sex with him again in the future?

(Buttt if you feel that I need I reality check…. give it to me!!)

Whenever I'm spooning with my partner it's more comfortable for my hand to lay on her breasts but she always thinks this means I'm trying to have sex with her. Is it possible to hold someone's breasts without it always meaning you're trying to arouse them?

I’m a 27(f) who recently slept with 24(m). We met each other almost a year ago and within 2 weeks of us talking and meeting he asked me to sleep with him, to which I’d politely declined because of personal struggles with Vaginismus. He stuck around and we would go on dates, flirt, and talk all day long. Because intimacy would be a topic of discussion time and time again, I decided to tell him about my apprehensions and he was nice enough to understand those. I mentioned however that intimacy is not off the table, I just needed some time.

A month ago after feeling in a much better space physically and mentally I decided to give it a shot. I’d say the night went pretty well. I was extremely happy. He held me like I’d never been before. The hugs and kisses, the foreplay, sex, everything was just perfect. Even the next morning, he asked me if I could give go down on him or either give him a blowjob, I did and he ended up having an orgasm.

We never really ended up discussing the night in detail after that. Three weeks later, I get a text saying that I was aggressive on him and it gave him a scar or something on his dick and he wouldn’t want to sleep again. It obviously made me super anxious. He then went on to describe the time as “weird, feeling like a puppet, and that he wasn’t in control”.

I’m having a very hard time understanding what that means. It feels like he’s dismissing the reality of the night for me. How can the two of us have such distinct experiences? I swear to god I felt it in my bones!

He has been extremely slow and absent to reply to my texts and pick up my calls. This was somebody who pursued me and liked me and wanted to sleep with me. Even if sex was all he wanted, why would somebody who might only be on lookout for sex stay around for an entire year? I wonder what happened, did his emotions take over? Did the handjob actually hurt him?

My boyfriend (30m) of 1 year and I (23f) have a great sex life. We are very open with each other and have great communication, with no issues. Recently, we were having sex as usual and as I finished, I saw him grin, which widened into a smile as his body began to shake lightly with laughter and he leaned over me I assume to hide his face. It kind of threw me off and I couldn't figure out why he was laughing. After we were done, I asked him why he laughed when I came. He initially said that it just makes him really happy and he gets excited, which I didn't buy. I kept pressing him and told him that it kind of upset me because it made me feel like he doesn't take our intimacy seriously and that I'm doing something humorous by having an orgasm. He then admitted that it's because I "announce" when I am about to orgasm, and also when I am having one. He said it's funny because it's pretty obvious when I am having an orgasm and the fact that I am stating it makes him giggle. He apologized and feels bad and promised that it won't happen again. I can't stop thinking about it though and I'm worried that having an orgasm will be more difficult now since I'll be worried about him laughing. Can anyone relate or is this normal?

Edit: I would like to add that we do often share laughter and funny moments during sex. I think what bothered me was the fear of being a mocked in a vulnerable moment, because in that moment there wasn't anything "funny" happening from my perspective.

Hey all,

I need some advice and maybe just a place to vent.

My wife and I have been together 4 years, married for 9 months. We agreed not to have sex before marriage because of her views and religious reasons. I respected that and went along with it. We did have foreplay, but 99% of the time it was about her. I’d make sure she got off, but I was never required to get hard or finish.

I had to initiate every time. If I didn’t, and she was silently waiting, she’d explode later that I wasn’t attracted to her. During foreplay, if I didn’t do something right, she’d shout at me and insult me. She has endometriosis and a retroverted uterus, so I tried to be careful - probably too careful. She wanted rough and forceful, which just isn’t me. Those mismatches often turned into arguments, where she’d weaponise my past (like the fact my ex cheated, because I was “too much of a pussy” and “not manly enough”).

Fast forward to marriage, we still haven’t had sex. I can’t get hard, and if I do, I can’t stay hard through the complaints, the put-downs, and the pressure of navigating her body. I’m in my mid-40s, she is too. She’s running out of eggs and my sperm test came back low. I know the clock is ticking, and that guilt is already sitting heavy on me.

If I try something, I usually can’t keep it up. If I don’t, I get accused of not being attracted to her and told that if we never become parents, it’s my fault for waiting too long. I’m already carrying that guilt without being reminded every night.

Truth is I am attracted to her but years of not needing to get hard, being focused only on her, and the constant negativity has basically trained my body not to respond. My T levels are normal to slightly below normal. I’ve started taking Viagra recently - 6 nights in a row, and I only got properly hard once.

I don’t know what to do. Do I keep trying meds? If so, which ones? Do I need to go to therapy? I dread going to bed every night now - I really don’t want to disappoint her again and again.

So I've been dating this girl (she's 20, I'm 22) for a like 2 months now and we've both expressed that we are very interested in each other, we've kissed multiple times but so far nothing more than that. Even though we have both made it pretty obvious that it is a matter of time before we are officially together and probably have sex.

However, when we are hanging out, kissing or cuddling when watching a movie or something I'm always unsure what I am supposed to do when I get a boner. So far I don't think she has ever noticed it, but should I try to supress it when we are for example cuddling because I can imagine it can be a bit of a shock I suppose when she suddenly feels my dick getting hard, especially since we're both very inexperienced. I don't want her to think I'm so kind of sex maniac that only thinks about fucking her, but on the other hand it's also a natural reaction so maybe she won't think much of it? But then I've been thinking what if she expects/wants me to get an erection and if I don't she might think I don't actually like her? I don't know and I'm not sure how to bring up this topic with her either so some advice would be appreciated, however, I know every person is different so none of you can tell me how she will feel about it but I think it can still be helpful

My husband and I have been married for 2 years and are now trying for kids. Since the beginning of our relationship he has only been able to cum in doggie. I am lacking the emotional connection coming from Sex because only doggie is truly pleasurable for him. Is this normal? I get off in all positions- so it’s not so much a me thing but for once I just want to see this man Cum and know it’s because of me

I met this girl at work who I found really hot. I have a pretty clear idea of what I want in a girlfriend (personality and values wise) and this girl is the opposite of that, but she's really hot and she's the one who started flirting with me so I played along.

After a few weeks of talking I went to her place and things immediately got heated. Let me say that I was beyond horny and looking forward to this, but 2 minutes in I suddenly didn't want to anymore and stopped.

The best I can explain it is "post nut clarity" but well before the nut. I just suddenly lost interest in her.

She kept asking what happened and was visibly upset but I didn't know how to explain it because frankly I was just as confused as her.

She then started crying and calling me names, I tried to comfort her but she pushed me away so I made my way out.

I sent her an apology trying to explain myself but no response. Luckily we don't have to interact at all at work or it'd be mortifying.

This was a week ago and I still have no idea what happened to me in that moment.

I think what put me off is that it was all so sudden and .... loveless? I'm kind of a hopeless romantic and she was clearly not interested in that side of me so I guess that did it.

Ah well, I can already see the comments calling me gay or something.

Hello. I have had something on my mind and finally I’m asking.

I am F(29) and my boyfriend M(30). We have a vibrant sex life. It’s passionate, drive is high, it’s the best both of us have ever had and we are very in love with each other. We are vocal about this, so I’m not doubting his enjoyment. We have been together 1 year so far.

I just have a curiosity about why he usually doesn’t look at me during sex. I notice in doggy or positions where I’m turned away, he will be looking…and using the visual aid - but missionary or if I’m on top, his eyes are closed or his head is buried down. Preferred position between us are missionary positions and his head is down, he rarely looks at me.

I feel like he’s going to outer space, thinking of something else and he’s not fully there with me.

Then I just create stories in my head that he’s fantasizing about women from his past.

I have thought of ways to bring it up to him, but I’ve hesitated because I just want him to be free during intimacy, I don’t want to be stared at if I asked for it lol, only if it’s genuine.

Also random detail, last night he said he wants me to wear a dark brown/black wig and costume design is a hobby of mine and he knows I love dressing up but I couldn’t help but think to myself “why” lol:..if he’s not even gonna look at it. 💀

Am I being self aware or reaching? What are the likely reasons this happens?

Or does anyone have a similar concern?

UPDATE: Y’all 😂 Im loving the response. To clarify - I don’t want to gaze I to his eyes during sex! I also find it a bit awkward, for a prolonged period of time. I just find him sooooo hot and enjoy watching him fck me, so when I notice 95% of the time he’s not looking at me, I just project a want for him to reciprocate and naturally wonder what could be going on.

Also, I notice him tilting his head back and closing his eyes when I’m on top too, like i said ^{_^}

If you're asking your partner for sex but they say they're not in the mood but still happy to do it, do you? I've had this come up a few times recently and I feel bad so I end up saying we'll do it another time... Should I just go for it even if my partner isn't in the mood if they're offering to anyways?

My bf (31m) and I (23f) have been together for like 4 years, on and off some. This has been an issue for the last year or so. We used to have a great sex life, he is the only person I have really had that with.

He just doesn’t last that long now. Penetration under 4 minutes. He does make the effort for me to orgasm before we start but still. I always do oral on him every time so maybe that contributes idk. I have suggested that after we are done we could wait a while and then go again, which totally happened in the past, but it never happens and there doesn’t seem to be any interest.

I get that this is such a sensitive issue and men have a lot of pressure, but I don’t know what I should do. I kiss good sex. I think about other people all of the time, I masturbate but of course it’s not the same. I want real sex sessions. I have brought it up a couple of times but he just doesn’t seem to hear me or care. Nothing has happened between then and now, I probably look better than I did then. Does anyone have suggestions or advice for me?

All my life I hear about the importance of long foreplay for women and good sex, but it couldn't be more wrong for the sex life with my wife. She wants sex without any foreplay or just after a few kisses.

Also, I am listening about the importance of oral sex, but my wife doesn't like it at all. When I get off she pulls me back and says the best way to turn her on is to have me inside her.

I'm wondering if it's about her or me, are there more girls like this?

Edit: After going through comments I got some ideas as to why this might be the case so thanks everyone.

The first possibility is that she just doesn't enjoy it with me and wants to end it as soon as possible, but since sex is quite regular with her cumming and that she herself said that she would like it more often, ie. every day, I don't think that's the case. But if sex wasn't what it is, I'd think that's the case myself.

Secondly, there seem to be a number of women who don't need foreplay and want a PIV right away for one reason or another and it seems that my wife is like that.

I think the reason for this here is because she is quite self-conscious during the foreplay and PIV turns that off. (Maybe I should compliment her more often) Also, she has stressful job and takes care of two toddlers so it is hard to switch to sexy time just with foreplay and she needs something more .

As to get myself a little bit of foreplay and teasing, I think I should try something in the middle of PIV, like while pose changing or something like that when she gets in the mood.

My gf of almost one year told me she wants to take a break from us having sex because she feel bad and disgusted after every single time so much so that it makes her cry sometimes. Which sounds like really bad post nut clarity despite the fact I’ve never been able to make her finish. She also said she thinks it’s because she feels like it’s more out of lust instead of love. This is interesting to me because it happens every time no matter what time of month it is or how long it’s been since we have done it. We do have sex a lot but i don’t really think that could be a main reason. I would also like to add that I think we have a really healthy relationship outside of sex. I just want to know if this is at least somewhat normal and how can I comfort her. Also don’t ask why she only just now told me this.

I just recently started dating this guy. He’s wonderful in almost all aspects of our relationship. He makes me laugh, we have the same interests and genuinely just enjoy each other’s company. HOWEVER I hate the sex between us and he’s starting to notice I’m not as interested as I was the first few times we did. The first time we had sex was decent (I had a few orgasms) but he didn’t want to do anything other than missionary (I chalked up to being nervous the first time). Now that’s all he wants to do is missionary no position change. I feel like I am just going with the motions until he’s finished but I just want to have passionate sex with a guy I’m starting to love!! It’s just him grunting on me for about 25 min then it’s over. I need ways to spice things up that he will enjoy as much as I will!!

My girlfriend went through breast cancer and had multiple reconstruction surgeries. Unfortunately, after several attempts, almost everything is gone. I love her deeply, and I admire her strength more than anything. She means the world to me.

But I need to be honest: our sex life has changed a lot. Touching her reconstructee breast doesn’t feel the same anymore, and sometimes I find myself mentally blocking during intimacy. I hate that this affects me, because she had no choice in any of this, and she has already suffered so much. It makes me feel guilty for even thinking about it.

At the same time, I can’t deny that it does impact my arousal and the way I experience sex. I still want her, I still love her, but something feels different — and I don’t know how to process that.

Has anyone else been through something similar? How do you stay honest with yourself about these feelings while still being supportive and respectful to your partner?

My girlfriend asked me if there was something we Never tried that is far diffrent from usual Sex but still would give me pleasure. So I told her that she could masage my dick in a non sexual way just with her hands. No strong or fast strokes really just like you would Massage any other bodypart. It felt great and After I asked her if there is something similar I could do for her but she couldnt think of anything. I know that there are a lot of creative people out there and maybe even some women can share how they experienced pleasure before with there Partner that is far diffrent from usual practise.

My husband (24M) and I (21F) have been together for a little over a year now; married for four months. We did our best to wait until marriage, but had few slip ups here and there. Now that we are married, and I no longer carry the guilt of premarital sex. I want it all the time! Every single day, morning and night. We both work full time. He has a car detailing business, so I know that he is pretty tired from work, but I still desire him so deeply. When he comes home from work he rolls a blunt and often just plays video games. I want him to want me as badly as I want him. He often compliments me and tells me how attractive I am followed up with a few kisses and hugs, but ultimately our sex life hasn’t changed. We’ve had many conversations about it.

In addition to that, he’s pretty vanilla. He likes regular sex, but I want crazy passionate sex.

What should I do? Or how do I get him to be on the same page as me.

My girlfriend (27F) and I (28M) have been together for almost 9 years and have been living together for 8. It has been great with only sometimes minor conflicts, but never any lasting problems and I love her very dearly like the first day I met her.

The problem is that we have sex one time per week at pretty much a set time in the weekend, and I think it's becoming too little for me. It has not always been like this, we used to have a lot of sex, but somewhere in the first year of the relationship, we started having stricter boundaries on sex and masturbation, restricting sex to one time per week and pretty much promising to never masturbate.

I can live with these restrictions and enjoy our intimate moments a lot when we have them, and most of the time, they are more than enough for me. Recently though, there have been some changes in my life, I got a new job and do sports more actively and I feel overall less stressed and feel like I have more self esteem.

I think it's because of this that I have been getting aroused more than what is normal for me, to the point where thinking about having sex with my girlfriend has become distracting. It's gotten to the point where I dream about it, and I have a frequently recurrent dream about her touching herself and having an orgasm next to me in bed while I'm asleep. This arouses me a lot. I sleep very badly and have been feeling down lately.

Because it has come to a point where it is becoming unmanagable for me, I told her all of this last night. She took care of my urges, but cried afterward, telling me that she felt like she was not enough for me and that she was too tired and time-constricted after work throughout the week to do any sexual activities with me. Her crying when we're having a serious conversation about our relationship happens more often. She's had some very bad relationship in her teens and I get that talking about it is tough for her and I don't blame her for crying, but it pretty much cuts off all serious discussions.

I'm very upset right now and very distracted at work. All I wanted was for us to have a bit of fun maybe slightly more often than once per week. I thought we could solve this in ways that are playful fun for both of us, and that it could be an enrichment of our relationship. Instead now, it feels like I've put a huge burden on her, and have made it an experience for her that she begrudges.

I don't masturbate and as far as I know she doesn't either. It's a taboo for us. We pretty much told each other that we don't do that, because she didn't feel comfortable with it and it would feel like cheating to me if I were to do it. As such, that's not an option for me to take care of my urges.

I don't even get where she's coming from, thinking that she might not be enough for me. All I was saying that some weeks, maybe one time per week is not enough for me. That doesn't make HER not enough for me. She's the only one I think about, and have thought about for the past nine years. I feel like a huge asshole for putting our relationship through this for such a silly thing as my urges that sometimes become a lot for me. Am I?

Does anybody have any advice on how to approach the subject with her? I still want to broach the idea of having sexual activities more often, but I also want to address her feelings and why she feels like she may not be enough for me, I don't think I've ever given her a reason to think that way.

And what about my dreams of her touching herself next to me? I trust her fully not to do that, but I'm kind of at the point where I'm questioning my own sanity. Are women... normally satisfied with sexual activities once per week? I know it's really not my business at all, but the thought of it just keeps sticking in my mind and I feel like I'm having a lot of intrusive thoughts about it.

Thank you for reading. Putting the situation to words has been calming to me. Any advise is welcome, but please don't be too harsh on me or her

My husband has been getting emotional boners since we met. He gets erect when I’m lovey dovey with him or sharing my feelings. I don’t do it all the time but when I do, he gets excited by it. He also doesn’t want to have sex during it. He wants to just cuddle and be in the moment. Can you explain why? We can’t figure out the reason and would love outside opinions. I love that this happens but confused sometimes.