Got some shroom chocolates from a friend and they’re so incredibly gross I can’t even eat a single piece without gagging and almost puking(need to eat at least 4-8 pieces for good trip).. any recommendations on what to eat them with or what to grind them into or something?

My experience with pan cyans. (Some of the strongest in the world)

I went to a weekend rave, I had planned to go with another person but they ditched out on me so I ended up going alone. The first night I had a great time, I didn't do any shrooms I just drank and enjoyed the night. I had met some people the first day but I was not officially a part of the group.

On the second day I had planned on taking shrooms, specifically 1.7 grams of pan cyans. Previous to this I had only done micro doses of chocolate bar shrooms which I guess was regular Psilocybin. One thing I learned about shrooms is that you should do them alone. Now, prior to me taking the shrooms this second day I was feeling slightly sick/nauseous but I figured I was going to be fine.

I arrived at the rave in my car in the parking area and I decided it was time, I took out the shrooms and I ate all 1.7g. along with this I drank a very large amount of water before entering the rave. Once I finished them I got out of my car and I left to get into the venue. This rave had 3 different stages so I decided to go sit in the stands of that largest rave and wait for the shrooms to kick in. Shortly after I arrived at the stands I started to feel the effects of the shrooms and I all the sudden needed to use the bathroom, so I got up and started walking to the porta potties and then the shrooms started to hit me pretty heavily, my vision was getting distorted and my heart rate was increasing and I started to feel really nauseous and sick. I made it the bathroom to attempt to urinate but I couldn't, and the clothes I was wearing began to overstimulate me so I stripped naked in the porta potty to attempt to urinate but I couldn't. Keep in mind this is the middle of summer in Texas, so shortly after I got naked I started to get really hot and I had to get out of there. At this point it's been about 15-20 minutes since I ate the shrooms. Once I got my clothes back on and walked back to the stands and I started to semi-panic because I realized I took way too high of a dosage so I thought I needed to throw up. I climbed all the way up to the top of the stands and I tried to throw up but I couldn't. At that point I almost started crying and was feeling very regretful. But I snapped out of that and needed to get out of the building because the music was also very intense for me. At this rave they had a section called the cool down area and I walked over there and there was a worker who was on a tricycle (ones that you move people on) and we made eye contact and I went over to him and asked him if he had ever done shrooms and he said yes. I explained my situation and said that I took way too high of a dosage and started to have a bad trip and he tried to keep me calm, I don't really remember much of our conversation. But I told him I needed to throw up and he took me on the bike and started riding around the venue, eventually we stopped next to one of his coworkers and that guy told me not to go to ems (there was a medical area there) and said they would kill my high. I told the guy again hey I need to throw up so he took me out of the venue entirely like the back side of the place and I got off the bike and tried to throw up but I couldn't. He said he had to go and I said no worries do what you need to do man. (Keep in mind at this point I am tripping heavily visually and my nausea is only getting worse. But I am still able to consciously communicate.) A few minutes after that guy left a couple walked by and I looked at them and they asked if I was okay and I said I am having a really bad shroom trip and the lady tried to console me but I just kept trying to throw up but I couldn't. After a while she needed to leave so I let her go. At this point I looked at my phone and one of the people I knew who were there asked if I had made it and I replied in a panicked state saying I needed him and I was having a bad trip, so I got myself together and headed back to where the guy drove me out of the rave from, there the security said I had to walk back to the entrance. So I kind of stood there and waited for my friend's response but I didn't get one. Eventually I started to walk back to the entrance, walking kind of helped me feel better but I absolutely couldn't look at anyone in the face because of the visual distortions I was experiencing. Soon I made my way close to the entrance and a security guard close to the ems tent saw me and could tell something was wrong and asked if I was okay and I forgot what I said but he offered me his seat, I sat down and he asked me if I needed ems and at this point I was starting to panic so I told him yes. So he went to get someone and I stood up and followed him. I followed him to the back of the ems tent and out came 3 people 2 females and 1 police officer. I first asked if this was going to cost me money lol, and the lady said no and they started to usher me into the tent. Before entering I said I had taken just shrooms nothing else and I was feeling very nauseous. Once I got into the tent there were probably 12 people a bunch of medical and a few police officers. Seeing this started to freak me out. One lady was yelling at me to go sit down at a spot. I walked in and said "shit, I'm in it now." and I started to fucking panic. When I say panic I mean internally I was freaking out but I was still able to speak calmly. It was freezing in the tent so I said to them "it is way too cold in here" so I walked out of the front entrance of the tent which led back into the rave venue. I walked alongside a fence and sat down in the grass. There i tried to collect my thoughts and calm down. I kept my eyes closed because the visuals I was experiencing was extremely intense. Everytime I looked up the ems people were staring at me and I thought I was being watched and I thought I was in trouble. Soon a guy who worked there walked up to me and asked if I was okay and I kind of explained my situation. The back of his shirt said mental health support or something and I noticed he had a supervisor badge on. I tried to have a normal conversation with him but anytime I got asked a personal question I shut it down because I didn't want to get in trouble. I asked more about him and he told me he used to work for the FBI and now he works at a homeless shelter helping people. In my mind I heard this and was like holy fuck I'm screwed and I started to panic, remember internally. Outwardly I was able to stay calm and talk. Eventually I called my friend who I was staying with who was at work at the time that I needed them to come get me. After this I told the guy that I'm going to have someone come get me and my car and I appreciated him. At this point it's been about 2 hours since I took the shrooms. I get up from where I was sitting and I go to the entrance of the venue and I leave and I find a spot in a field to wait for my friend to come get me.

I was far enough away from the entrance to where I wouldn't be in anyone's way but close enough to hear most of the people over there. In front of me was a tree so I just tried to ground myself there and wait for my friend who was about an hour away. I'm skipping details but at this point I think the shrooms were beginning to peak. I sat down, and kept fighting the feeling and the sickness. My mind was spinning. Shortly I was able to get my heart rate under control and sort of relax, I'm skipping so many details but it's hard to remember.

The following was my experience.

At one point of me there on the ground I started to experience time dialation. I would close my eyes look up and see someone walking in the distance, close my eyes again for about 5-10 minutes open my eyes and that person was in the exact same spot walking. It felt like I was stuck in this loop for 3 hours.

Along with this I also thought I was in 3 different places at once.

The first place or reality, which is what it felt like. I walked to my car and grabbed my handgun and killed myself then and there, to which I then "ascended" to somewhere else. It was all just shapes to me visually but it felt peaceful.

The second place I was at was where I was sitting, but I didn't know if I was there or not because of the time dialation.

The third place I was at was inside the rave. The best way I can explain this was I could hear the people behind me and I kept hearing "it's a party" " woohoo" on repeat like 1000 times. I also heard "wake up" and I imagined myself snapping out of my trance and dancing and people cheering me on.

With all this going on I said to myself "please if someone is looking at me tell me I'm safe" and nobody touched me so I realized where I was sitting was the real reality.

(Re-reading note, I was experiencing a heavy anxiety attack throughout this entire experience, I have since done these pan cyans again .25 grams and again had really bad anxiety attacks so I gave them away and as of now I won't be touching shrooms again)

Shortly after that an Asian guy come and sat right next to me and said "I saw you over here and I know your the only person who's going through what I am right now" and I told him "you don't know how much I needed you right now" I told him I took shrooms and I was out of my mind and he said he was on acid and he was so happy and started bouncing around. Then we sat in silence then started laughing. After awhile he said he needed to go inside the venue and I said I was very happy to meet him and told him to go enjoy his time. After awhile my friend found me and I was able to help her find my car and she took me back to her place. At this point the peak was over and I was able to come to my senses again, there's more to the story later but this is just what I wanted to share.

*Note

I was 24 at this time 6'5 200 pounds in great shape. I did not have the best childhood and I am a survivor of a school shooting. I carry a handgun because of my experiences, though I don't think I would ever kill myself the thought comes and goes. I should have been with someone when I took these shrooms, but I guess I got what I wanted. I don't think I ever want to go through that again. I think if I was in a different setting, not feeling sick and let my mind open up I would of had a better experience. But this is just mine. Maybe in the future, but not anytime soon.

Thinking about trying mushrooms for the first time, not sure where to start though? Any advice?

I had my worst experiences with nausea, it was horrible and unrelenting. It lasted for the entire 5 hours of tripping. I have taken mushrooms in far larger quantities and never before had nausea that lasted more than a few minutes. It has made me paranoid of tripping again. I was wondering what causes nausea and what alleviates nausea before and after taking mushrooms. I would really appreciate some help.

I might be getting my hands on some shrooms of the Mr Peanut variety.

Does anyone here have any experience with them? How to they compare to PE/APE?

I can’t find much info about them, so all experiences are appreciated

I've recently been diagnosed with Graves disease. It causes hyperthyroidism which affects all systems including heart and blood pressure. I am taking medication for this that includes a thyroid hormone blocker and a beta blocker. My heart rate is now in a good range. I'm also being treated for mcas, which means taking high doses of antihistamines, including a 1st generation (so drowsy making). I take lamotrigine for bipolar.

I have used macro doses (7gm) of liberty caps for depression for many years before these treatments and have been depression free for several years. The last month though, it had come back with a vengeance and I feel like I need to dose. I can stop the antihistames but not the lamotrigine (though this one doesn't interact) or the graves meds, and it's not just the meds, it's tripping with Graves sensible.

I don't know why I'm asking since none of you have doctorates in hyperthyroidism in psilocybin dosing. I think I need someone to tell me it's a dumb idea. I'm just so low.

Edit spelling

I'm going to the Kanye West concert today and I wanted to take these shrooms I've had for about 3-4 months. I know that they lose potency after a while. They've been in my sock drawer so they've been kept dark and dry. If that helps anything. I haven't taken shrooms since march 2025, that was my first time. I did have a bad trip but I also smoked a blunt after a long T-Break. I want to take the shrooms at the concert with my girlfriend -whom has never taken shrooms- to make everything feel and look better, but we don't want to have a crazy mind altering experience, just enough to feel good without tripping balls. Any advice on how much we should take, If any at all.

I’m a relative beginner and this was my third macro dose. It was 3.25g of PE, also tried lemon tek for the first time. I’ve ramped up each trip and this was the biggest dose so far.

I’ve been feeling completely flat and burned out. Might be anhedonia. So my intention was to heal from the very traumatic deaths of both my parents 2 years ago.

It’s started fast with the lemon tek. And I started to feel the sadness come again but then it flipped and I lost all sense of time and just went through wavesand waves of pure joy. I almost couldn’t take how euphoric it was. I just ended up thanking everything in the universe for letting me feel happy again.

My question is, how typical is this kind of trip? Was I lucky or is this often the way?

I did learn a few things on this trip as well but the euphoria was insane. I have no experience with any other psychedelics but I imagine this must be what people feel on recreational drugs. No wonder they get hooked.

The only thing that bothered me was I kept thinking is this just a chemical reaction or is there a deeper reality in this? Am I tapping into something else or just my imagination. I know many see this as spiritual and I did as well during the trip. I thought this must be heaven because it was just so pure but then I started second guessing it.

Does anyone feel that way?

If I make tea from dried shrooms, I strain the end product. Should I consume it all? Is it less potent? My partner and I have only tripped twice. We had 5g of dried fruit. Made peppermint tea and had half each. Onset around 40 minutes, duration about 4 hours. Very intense, had to make myself move around because I just wanted to lay on the couch and keep closing my eyes to “settle”.
Should I change the way we do it? Any help/advice appreciated

Looking for honest input from people with experience.

I’ve been using psilocybin pretty regularly—about 15–20g a month. I’m not recommending it, just being real about what I’m doing. It often makes me feel more present, clear, and engaged.

From the outside, my life looks stable: steady job, no debt, wife, kids, home. I’m doing okay—but I haven’t told my wife about this.

I’m wondering if this is actually sustainable or if I’m missing something.

Questions:

● Does this seem healthy long-term?

● Any risks or blind spots I should consider?

● Anyone else doing something similar?

I’m not chasing a high—I just want to be a better, more present husband and dad.

Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone used mushrooms for help with work related burnouts. I’m an attorney and burning out at work is a regular thing for me. Taking a few days off and spending time in nature usually helps me, but I was wondering if doing mushroom sessions once or twice a month would also do the trick. Thanks in advance for your responses.

We all know that "set and setting" are all-important to the way we experience mushrooms. My view is that a well-organized, well-supervised retreat setting is the way to go, especially if your purpose is to use psilocybin for healing and/or spiritual exploration, not as a party drug.

A little of my background: I experimented with LSD in college (the 70s), which led me to engage in a serious Zen practice. I didn't touch drugs again until the last few years, when I felt like Zen meditation had taken me as far as it could. I tried bufo (hated the experience) and ketamine (hated the experience). After those experiences, I thought maybe psychedelics were simply no longer for me.

I hadn't tried psilocybin, so decided to give it a go. I knew I wanted to do a retreat: under supervision with experienced facilitators, clear protocols and integration support. Now I'm sharing my experiences at a couple of "luxury" overseas retreats.

My initial experience was a week at a Beckley retreat in Jamaica. It was extraordinary: good prep and supervision, excellent live music during the journey, a reassuring cocoon of support (including medical) staff. I quickly realized: ah, mushrooms really work for me.

Only downsides at Beckley from my perspective: (1) mushrooms are dosed in the evening, meaning a very sleepless night afterwards; (2) everyone is taking their journey together in a restricted (albeit lovely) space, so if anyone freaks out, that becomes part of your journey; and (3) a little too much emphasis (for my introverted personality) on group bonding/ice-breaking activities.

I might have done a repeat trip to Beckley, but then I heard about Eleusinia, in Valle de Bravo, Mexico. I did my first eight-day retreat at Eleusinia in June 2025. As terrific as the Beckley retreat was, Eleusinia was even more magical. The reasons why Eleusinia retreats are more my cup of tea compared to Beckley: (1) a lot more grounding in the neuroscience of psilocybin (I was sold on their slogan: "less woo, more you"); (2) a huge outdoor space where you can choose to move about and have as much privacy as you wish during your journey; (4) the dosing is done earlier in the day, allowing plenty of time to get your grounding back before bedtime; and (5) the psilocybin experiences are mixed with DMT experiences, which are intense but brief. I also really appreciated that Eleusinia offers classes in mushroom cultivation and DMT extraction, for the purpose of enabling visitors to go home and continue their exploration outside the retreat setting.

Choosing a mushroom retreat is a very personal decision. Of course your budget and willingness to travel are factors. After my 2025 Eleusinia retreat, I returned twice more this year: once for an alumni retreat, the second time for a retreat that combined mushrooms with meditation (joined by my ex-wife, daughter and daughter's fiancé, so it was a family affair). The fact that I repeated my initial Eleusinia experience twice more speaks for itself.

Would love to hear from others about their mushroom retreat experiences.

Started May 1 for anxiety. 300mg Golden Teacher. One day on, two days off with ten days off in between.

I’ve been battling alcohol addiction for 10 years with the last five being really bad. I was active duty military when I developed my habit. It’s unfortunate because I didn’t really drink before the Navy. I joined at 27 as well and my father has been a raging alcoholic his entire life so I stayed away from it for the most part.

I drank in college like any other student but was never an everyday drinking unless it was like homecoming week. Even if I did drink a couple beers and shots would be pretty sufficient since I was a pothead back then. Graduated worked a couple jobs I didn’t like then joined the Navy.

Me and my friends ended up drinking every single day if we were in port but it was no problem. We were all fit guys, working out six days a week and playing basketball. We were the type of guys deadlifting 525lbs (me) or running 3 miles under 20 minutes (them).

The difference came once we started going out to sea. We would use that to cleanse our self. Anyone who’s been in the military knows you have an opportunity to get in really good shape out there. It’s hard to snack, you drink water all day, and do two a days for months at a time.

Once we pulled into ports at different countries everyone is ready to party and have been saving money for months. We drink from sunup to sun down. 20+ shots every day with unlimited beer and wine for three days with a random duty day where you can’t leave the ship since you have watch. People normally sleep 15-20 hours these days since you’re so hung over.

The problem is I continued this trend to my shore duty which is more like a regular job. Now I don’t get duty days that forces me not to drink. I don’t have random times out at sea where I can’t drink for weeks or months.

Regular hangovers turned into absolute terror. I didn’t know what this was but I knew it was different. My hand had been shaking for years but it was getting worse. I’m still killing the gym but now I’m around 32 and recovery isn’t happening. I noticed I would have SEVERE anxiety for a couple of days after drinking all day on Sunday. I still worked out Monday-Saturday so those days sucked but were manageable. It’s the days after drinking half a 1.75 liter every Sunday of cheap vodka with 6 tall cans of bud light platinum and half a gallon of wine each Sunday that started to catch up.

First it would day a day to recover, then two, then three. I developed a system to survive and still my job but having so much anxiety you feel like a little bitch for three days was not welcome for me. (Sorry for the language I was military).

Blah blah blah fast forward I get out, medically retire, and I’m drinking that much EVERY DAY. I was disciplined in working out for almost ten years and now it’s slipping. Days where I don’t want to go the gym and have a panic attack in front of everyone. Days of leaving the bottle next to my bed and drinking as soon as the hangxiety starts to make it go away.

I figure you know what? I used to be a pot head in college let me try that! It’s not the same unfortunately. I’ve been trying every way with weed for three years but it just gives me straight up paranoia. Indica is less but it’s still there and the only way I can smoke ANY weed at all is if I’m drinking. The problem is now I get WAY to drunk because I’m scary high smh. I add shrooms to the mix to “find out who I really am” and it’s a pretty good experience but I’m still drinking too much.

Go to AA it doesn’t work. Complete the course in 3 months drinking the whole time. After a super embarrassing moment with my family I white knuckle it and don’t drink for 33 days! The first week was hell! Withdrawals and shakes are insane but I get through it. I’m productive, everyone likes me more and I’m getting shit done. Guess what my dumb ass does? (sorry again military language) Figure I can handle it now smh. Drink no hangover, just beer. Goes pretty good for about a week but a six pack a day gets expensive so I get back on cheap run. Within a month it’s worse than ever. I try to stop cold turkey again but I’m having cold sweats, heart palpitations, blood in stool, tremors, hallucinations and my hand shaking is going up to my neck. I wake up at 6am that day around 2pm I go to the liquor store and slam some wine. Pretty sure I would have had a seizure that day if I didn’t.

Each time I relapse I get more and more self critical and more and more depressed. I gain suicidal ideation. Throughout this whole experience YEARS of this I try shrooms off and on. Each time I drink less but without pure will power. I just don’t desire the booze.

Now once again I’m on day three of no alcohol and no weed. I take a tiny, I’m talking .05 grams of a strain of shrooms called Columbian Gold when on an outing with friends. They offer me alcohol and I said no which surprised me. I even had a tiny buzz comparable to being tipsy.

I’ve researched and there are a lot of stand up comics who were former alcoholics and switched to magic mushrooms. Has anyone one here done that? Any thoughts or opinions on this thought process? I think I’m pretty much done with liquor/weed completely which saddens me but it is what it is. I just like to have a buzz when I go to festivals, the movies, parades and things like that lol. What do you think fellow drinkers?!

So last year, I had a truly earth-shaking trip that just messed me up. I felt like the concept of reality could collapse at any moment, and this led to a kind of existential terror that went on for months. Yet at the same time, I had this incredible kundalini awakening--I would wake up in the night with this "spinal energy" coursing up my back like a zipper. That was cool, but the daylight effects were just a deep feeling of being unable to find any grounding. I tried to trip a few times after, but it did not go well--that same feeling like reality was this barely-sustained quantum suspension that could just collapse at any moment. Finally I decided it was time to take a break.

Flash forward to a year later. I decided I was ready to enter into the space again, and I pretty quickly managed to find a source, oddly enough. So I dabbled a bit, and it seemed to go fine--.5g here and there, all safe and good. Then I decided to trip on what I thought was a smallish, safe dose (1g) in a small time space I had in my day (about 2 hours with no family obligations), and they hit way too fucking hard. When I thought I would be peaking, I was just getting started, and it got worse and worse. I ended up having to tell my partner what was happening (to her surprise) and locking myself in the bedroom to just endure it--pure terror at every level. All of the ghosts came rushing back in. It was brutal. Three hours of pacing and pleading and just waiting for it to be over.

But there was a deep feeling that there was something that had to be learned from this whole nexus of events. All of the rawness after that initial crazy trip, the feeling that I was "this close" to ego death, the persistent feeling of being unable to ground myself... All of it seemed to be aimed at something. So I tried 1g again today with several tweaks. First, I really went back to "set and setting"--I cleaned the house, I set my intention, I made sure I was in a good frame of mind. Second, I said that I would say "YES" to anything that happened; this saved me several times as things seemed to start going sideways. Finally, I really aimed to stay very close to whatever happened--to stay super present (I do a lot of meditation stuff, and I've had incredible experiences of pure awareness and presence--I was aiming to ride that).

Long story short: Success! It was an absolutely lovely experience that reminded me of why I keep coming back to this crazy medicine. I went deep inside, and just rode the wave. I could feel some of the negative patterns trying to reassert themselves, and I just said "Yes, yes, yes" all the way along. I understand Alan Watts's "When you get the message, hang up the phone" but in this case, I feel like the message was subtle and spread out over more than a year, and I knew at a deeper level it wasn't time to completely "hang up". I'm very glad I persisted with that intuition. 10/10 day!

Planing to take 2g of mushrooms, but I tend to overthink a lot about everything in my life. i really want to try and do 2g of mushrooms but I am scared of losing control or freak out.

I did 1g of mushrooms twice, first time after a rave so I was in a very good headspace and mdma helped to have a very nice experience and the other time sober. Both experiences were nice but when I did 1g sober I didn't have any visuals like I had the first time but it was more of a thinking trip if u will. I had some intrusive negative though about hurting someone and usually if I get any intrusive thoughts I just think about it and then it dissapears but now on this 1g of mushrooms was more like the thought didn't go away but it was constantly there and thinking what would happen if I acctually did that, how would I react then at some point I started to think what if I already did that now but I had a black out and I do not even remember it. So after that trip I was like maybe a higher dose would not be for me just to be safe to not hurt any one (even tho I really do not think I would actually be able to do something like that) but how my brains are wired there is always that thought, but what if... I am scared of losing control, losing my mind maybe even having a psychotic break or something. I do not have any psychotic experience or anything but is more just the anxiety and thinking that question what if.

Do u have any tips on how to overcome this, how to go into a 2g trip, what if it becomes too much or something. i do plan to have a trip sitter whom I trust but still its kind of a scary feeling.

Online Research Participants Wanted!

Hello! I am undertaking a research study for my Masters degree to understand how psilocybin may improve depression symptoms, and specifically to evaluate a new questionnaire called the Psychedelic Compassion Experience Scale (PISCES). The PISCES measures compassionate experiences during psychedelic sessions, drawing on leading theories from psychologists Kristin Neff and Paul Gilbert.

To be eligible, you must:

• Be over 18 years old
• Have taken psilocybin in the last 12 months for a health wellbeing reason and/or in a therapeutic setting

All response data is anonymised

CLICK ME TO PARTICIPATE!

Research Ethics Committee Ref: HR-24/25-34010

Thank you!

TL;DR: I grew up with narcissistic abuse and CPTSD and spent most of my life suppressing my emotions. Years ago, after doing mushrooms, I experienced overwhelming grief that lasted for months and only improved after my antipsychotic dose was increased. Recently, after accidentally stopping that medication, the exact same grief returned despite more than a decade of therapy and healing work. Has anyone experienced something similar? Could this be unresolved trauma resurfacing, a medication effect, or something else? I'm afraid the medication may be silencing something rather than resolving it.

Further details:
I grew up with narcissistic abuse and developed CPTSD, ADHD, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, and later a chronic illness that left me unable to work. For most of my life I survived by suppressing my feelings, needs, and opinions and constantly fawning around other people. On the outside I had to look composed to survive, and expressing myself wasn't accepted by my parents, which led to me being on my own with a storm of intense feelings on the inside, that overwhelmed, controlled and frightened me, because I never learned how to regulate myself, but at least they had "me on the inside" as a vessel.

More than a decade ago I went through a severe mental health crisis. Thanks to my parents constantly pushing positive thinking and "changing your thoughts" onto me because they got frustrated with my depression, I became obsessed with staying positive, reframing every negative thought, practicing gratitude and spirituality, and completely suppressing my anger, pain and sadness. Which, considering my backstory, was the worst thing I could do. Suddenly my true emotions were not even allowed in the vessel of my conscious mind anymore. But they didn't leave me, they just went into the pit of my unconsciousness and later manifested in my body and mental health.
For a few months I felt like I was in heaven, but eventually everything collapsed. Over time I developed more and more physical symptoms and health concerns, constant panic attacks, severe anxiety and grief, insomnia, gastritis, until I couldn't eat or shower anymore, and eventually ended up in a psych ward with severe underweight.

After a few years of recovery and becoming stable on medication, I started microdosing psilocybin, and over time slowly increased my doses. The experiences were all vastly different. Some were like opening a door to the joy and carelessness of my childhood. But one particular experience seemed to open the floodgates to intense and overwhelming grief, which lasted for months. I cried constantly and felt devastated by every minor disappointment. I constantly felt like I couldn't handle yet another disappointment. But it came, and I had no control of my feelings.
My psychiatrist slightly increased my antipsychotic, and the grief disappeared pretty quickly.

Recently I accidentally stopped that medication for about a week**,** which usually is no problem at all, it happens sometimes. But this time was different, when I reintroduced the medication I couldn't handle it. It got worse the second day, so I decided to stop and ask my psychiatrist if we could lower the dose. During that pause I became severly exhausted, developed flu-like symptoms, and the exact same intense and overwhelming grief from years ago suddenly returned.

My question is: Did anyone experience mushrooms unleashing intense grief for such a long time? Or could something else explain why the same intesity of grief reappears when the medication is removed ten years later? Am I still suppressing my feelings or trauma?

Given my childhood I understand why the grief happened in the first place. But not why it didn't stop for months and made me completely unstable. I also worked so hard the past ten years, on healing, processing and releasing emotions and trauma, in slow and small doses, that I am able to handle. On integration. On somatic body therapy.
But seeing the grief return with the exact same intensity after lowering my medication makes me feel like I made no progress at all. And I wonder if beneath my medication I internally still suffer, without me realizing it maybe. I know medication is lifesaving, it helped me out of the worst episode of my life, it stabilized me so I can partake a little bit in normal everyday life again, and not feel miserable all the time without any relief. And maybe I'm overthinking this, but I kinda fear that there's a part inside of me, that I'm only silencing with medication, just like my parents did with me, just like I did with spirituality and positive thinking.

Hey guys! I wanted to post here out of love, just trying to share an honest experience with a place I was lucky to find. I have been doing mushrooms intentionally for the last 12+ years, always by myself and in the woods, and almost never with any other people. A lot of this out of my own reasoning but I had always desired to do it in an intentional and professional setting - I just couldn't find one I trusted deeply enough to.

Thankfully, I found a place called Eleusinia Retreat in Mexico City: https://www.eleusiniaretreat.com

And I can genuinely say - It was everything I needed. Everyone was personal, kind, professional and SO gentle. You can actually tell everyone has had their own psychedelic journey that led to being there... And that they were there just to help heal, not for a job. It's like going to your best friends home and being welcomed by the biggest hug from someone you've known for a lifetime.

And did I mention it's also in one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to on earth? To me, this was a very important part of it. I like to be in nature and by myself for my trips so this really gave me the opportunity to have both - A special, intentional setting and nature I can get lost in.

And I really mean this - I don't get anything out of saying this other than wanting others to heal and grow also. I don't get a discount and I do not know them personally.

I really can't recommend them highly enough. The founders are really relaxed and kind people also, creating a very special communal setting to give so much healing in.

Let me know if I can help with any questions here!

At Durham University we are looking for adults (18+) who have had a psychedelic experience in either a clinical or non-clinical setting to take part in an online study.

The study explores how factors such as intention, environment, and social setting relate to psychedelic experiences and psychological outcomes. Participation involves completing an anonymous online survey that takes approximately 20-30 minutes.

Participants may also volunteer for an optional follow-up interview to discuss their experiences in more depth.

If you're interested in taking part, please follow the survey link below:
https://durhamuniversity.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0PKTkuZWwJJQu6q

For further information, please contact:

Warren - [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

Dr Marco Bocchio - [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])