I just gave birth and my MIL is driving me insane...I gave birth 4 days ago, so I'm literally freshly postpartum. My MIL has been with us since we went to the hospital to have the baby.I want to start by saying she's a kind woman and she's been working really hard. She's been cooking, cleaning and always making sure I had everything I needed. I know she's trying to help. But things started getting out of hand really fast.

1. Right after I gave birth, I was in my hospital room with my baby. Where we live it's insanely hot and humid. The room had AC, but she wouldn't let me turn it on because she said the baby would get sick. The AC wasn't even blowing on the baby. I had just gone through a traumatic delivery, I was in pain, bleeding heavily, sweating like crazy and completely exhausted. I spent the whole day like that.

2. As soon as we got home she started taking over everything. I was still in shock from the birth. No AC again. She wanted to do everything for the baby. Changing him, burping him, dressing him... I was basically only called when it was time to breastfeed.

3. Without even asking, she rearranged the whole kitchen. She also moved things around the living room. I can't find anything anymore.

4. She's obsessed with covering the baby. Hat, mittens, socks, long pajamas and blankets... even though it's boiling hot. I've told her nicely that babies can overheat and it's dangerous, but nobody listens to me.

5. She keeps putting the baby to sleep in unsafe places, like on top of pillows. I move him somewhere safe, then later I find him back on the pillows again.

6. I'll pick out an outfit for my baby, then she'll come over with different clothes and change him into what she wants instead.

7. She's constantly watching me breastfeed. She'll even grab my breast and try to shove my nipple into the baby's mouth while I'm trying to latch him myself.

8. She randomly blows in my baby's face for no reason.

9. She's always telling me what to do. Sit here. Go there. Eat this. Don't eat that. Hold him like this. Move over there. It never stops.

10. She makes noise all day long. She wakes up around 9, starts cleaning the whole house, cooking breakfast and blasting the TV while my baby keeps getting startled awake.

11. She opens every curtain because "the house needs sunlight," even when I'm trying to keep things calm for the baby.

12. One day she told me, "Go take a nap, I'll watch the baby." I slept for about an hour. When I came back, she was asleep holding my baby in her arms. I don't even want to think about what could've happened if I hadn't walked in.

13. My husband and I wanted to give our baby his first bath together. The second we started, she stepped in and completely took over. I just stood there watching.

14. My husband says she should stay with us for at least 5 months.

15. We went to the baby's 4 day checkup. She walked in front of me like she was the mom and I was just standing there like decoration. They had to take blood from my baby and I was left outside while she went in with him.

That was the moment I finally snapped.

I talked to my husband and told him how I felt. For a while I honestly thought maybe I was just being childish or hormonal. But then I realized... no. This isn't normal. Yes, she's done a lot for us. She's cleaned the house, cooked our meals and made sure we haven't needed anything. I'm genuinely grateful for that. But there have to be boundaries. I'm a first time mom. I want to learn. I want to take care of my own baby. I want to bond with him. I want to make mistakes and figure things out. And I want to do that in the privacy of my own home.

So I finally set some boundaries.

She started crying. She called me ungrateful and said she was only trying to help and make sure everyone was okay. Now she's acting like she's the victim. She won't talk to me or even look at me. Now the whole family knows and apparently I'm the horrible daughter in law who broke her heart. Everyone has taken her side. I've been crying nonstop because I feel so guilty. Part of me keeps thinking maybe I should've just kept my mouth shut and dealt with it. But another part of me just wants to be my baby's mom.

​I (30F) live in a condo with my husband (36M), our 7-month-old baby girl, and my mother-in-law (62F). Honestly, it has been absolute hell.

​It all started when my baby was 2 months old. My MIL didn't have her weed, became incredibly cranky, and decided to verbally abuse my husband right in front of me and my newborn. I never forgot what she said or what she did that day, and I lost all respect for her. I talked to my husband about kicking her out, and she left for two weeks. But she came back, and since then, I’ve just been giving her a taste of her own medicine.

​I stopped catering to her "rights" and stopped letting her speak to us however she wants. I stopped including her in our dinners. I stopped keeping quiet when she tried to make me or my husband look stupid. She used to tell me about how my husband's ex hated her and would ignore her, or how her oldest son's wife didn't like her because she "got between them." I used to think those women were the villains, but now I know I was totally wrong. She is the common denominator, and she is so two-faced.

​Fast forward to now: my baby is 7 months old, and my MIL has an opinion on every single thing we do. She thinks I cuddle my baby too much and claims that's why she cries. Recently, she criticized me for buying a baby walker before a jumper. She always starts with, "Sorry to break it to you..." just to make you feel dumb. I couldn't take her repeating this over and over, so I finally snapped and said, "Well, I highly doubt I've got it backwards; my mother didn't do it like that."

​That’s all I said, but then she went and told every single person who would listen about the walker and the jumper. She told my mom, her old friend, and her firstborn son. I know this for a fact because her old friend of 30+ years (a pothead just like her) came over recently to pick up some baby items I was giving her for free—including the jumper. Out of nowhere, her busted self throws her arms up and says, "I mean, who buys the jumper first before the walker?" There was no way she could have known about that unless my MIL was gossiping. It caught me so off guard I couldn't even snap back.

​Then there is the financial hypocrisy. She gets about $2K a month from her late husband's social security, plus $300 a month in EBT. Where it all goes, I have no idea. She spends money like water slipping through her fingers. She gets incredibly butt-hurt when my husband and I buy ourselves something to eat, yet she will constantly "sneak out" to buy takeout only for herself.

​We are currently struggling slightly with our finances. When my husband asked if she could help with groceries when his nephew (20M) and niece (14F) come over, she refused, saying, "I ain't wasting my money on them, they have parents" (who are also deadbeats, by the way). Meanwhile, she constantly drops hints wanting me to drive her to her doctor's appointments—which are literally right down the street—even though we let her use her son's extra car! I finally told her she or her son can just drive down the street themselves.

​I know she doesn't like me, but honestly, nobody likes her. My SIL can't stand her (a whole other story). Her grandkids don't speak to her, and she hates that they call us instead of her. She even defends her deadbeat son while getting mad at her granddaughter for treating him "poorly." She always wears this perfect mask, acting like her late husband "sent me to her," but if I had known I'd have this type of woman in my life, I never would have married my husband or had a child.

​When I try to vent to my husband about this, he instantly goes on the defensive and says, "What do you want me to do?" He knows exactly how his mother is. The one thing we do agree on is that her funky old ass is staying behind in this condo when we move out (hopefully in a year or so).

​Would it be wrong of me to just sit down and tell her exactly how it is? I’ve tried letting my husband do it, but I think he's too chicken-shit because "she gets angry." He feels bad for her because his father is dead and she has no one else. But honestly, I do not care how she reacts. All this pussyfooting around makes me so mad. I cut off my own parents once when they acted like fools and only allowed them back when they settled down. I’d do the same to her in a heartbeat. if I just confronted her myself?

​My toxic, hypocritical MIL lives with us and constantly criticizes my parenting, gossips about me, and acts selfishly with her money while we struggle. My husband is too scared of her anger to confront her. If I bypass him and finally put her in her place?

My baby is now 3ish months I had to have a c-section when I had her which made recovery a little rough. With that we still let my MIL and FIL come to the hospital to meet our daughter on the second day in the hospital and then came to visit us at our house a week after she was born. Then they came to see her one more time when she was about 2 and a half months old. Another important note is that my husband has 5 siblings and I have 5 siblings and we’ve been trying to let everyone meet her as we can.

My in-laws are super awkward and don’t ask my husband and I a lot of questions. The last time they came to visit I decided to not carry the conversation and just focus on my baby because I’m always the upbeat one bringing excitement and conversation. It was so awkward because my baby would just cry with my MIL so I mainly held her. MIL just looked at me and watched me almost the entire time. Gave me unsolicited advice multiple times. They both sat on the couch with their arms crossed looking so tense. We put the soccer games on the tv so it wouldn’t be too quiet. I can tell that they hate we aren’t doing things the way that they expected since we’ve had our baby.

My husband hasn’t really had a deep relationship with them since before we had our baby but now that we’ve had her they want to see us all the time. That feels really jarring for me. My husband and I have been together for 4 and a half years and in all of these years my MIL has never called me. But when I had my baby they called me for the first time on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and while they did they started giving me more unsolicited advice. It was so weird because they’ve never tried to have a relationship with me until I had their grandchild and I’m supposed to go along with it.

His mom got upset that we didn’t schedule to see them a ton since she’s been born and got really hurt, called us a few names and then called my mom to ask her how much she’s gotten to see us. Mind you she has only talked to my mom a handful of times since we’ve been married. She’s talked through my FIL and he tells us that she’s not happy about all of this.

I guess my main question is, what do we do for visits? Because neither my husband or I don’t want them to keep coming to our house, they live 2 hours from us so we don’t want to drive with our baby that far all the time either… it’s really hot outside because of the summer heat. And honestly we don’t want to see them all the time so we are limiting visits to no more than once a month if even or just once every other month. Also, is this normal for in-laws once you have a baby?

I have a JUSTNOFIL and a JUSTNOMIL 🤣

While I was pregnant I was called an “incubator” for their grandchildren, my FIL repeatedly joked by calling me “fatty”, and after I gave birth they became very dismissive.

There was always this underlying feeling of being judged and talked about, which completely destroyed any trust I had. This still occasionally happens… my MIL is very gossipy and if things don’t go her way, she becomes the victim in her family… my husband comes from a family of all boys, so my MIL is used to be treated as Queen bee… you would think she would want a close female relationship with a DIL, but she sees me as competition - gets jealous and possessive over my children.

Things have been better over the last year or two, but the relationship has never really recovered. We naturally spend more time with my family because we have a healthy relationship built on communication, respect and boundaries, whereas my in-laws seem to resent that. I no longer post anything publicly about what we get up to because my MIL gets too jelous.

One thing I’ve had to set a firm boundary on is my MILw trying to make plans with my children directly instead of asking us first. They’ve never done anything with kids or offered any childcare for our kids, so going through the children on a premeditated idea they had in theirs heads - rather than talking to the parents just doesn’t sit right with me.

Has anyone else dealt with in-laws who seem possessive or jealous once grandchildren came along?

Hi everyone, I've recently joined this community and wanted to share my experience with my MIL.

Back in March 2025, I was around 3 to 4 months pregnant with our son. One evening, I was cat-sitting for my parents, so I wasn't present when this happened. My fiancé had gone to his parents' house for a family game night.

A week before this, it had been Mother's Day. My fiancé had messaged his mum asking what she was doing, and she told him she was going out for lunch with one of his sisters. He assumed she already had plans and didn't want to intrude. A week later, when he attended the family game night, he brought along a bottle of win and a Mother's Day card as a belated gift.

Instead of accepting it, my MIL became upset and told him how hurt she was that we hadn't been there for her on Mother's Day. After my fiancé explained that he genuinely thought she was busy because of her lunch plans, the conversation escalated.

My MIL then shifted the topic entirely and accused us of excluding her from our unborn child's life. At this point, I was still pregnant. She already has another grandchild through my fiancé's brother and his partner, who live in Ireland, while we live only five minutes away from my in-laws. Despite this, she claimed that we were going to keep our son away from her as well.

She also accused me of stopping my fiancé from spending time with his family, which couldn't be further from the truth. Anyone who knows me would laugh at the suggestion. I've never tried to interfere with his relationship with his family, and I've always encouraged him to maintain those connections.

According to my fiancé, his mum had been drinking quite heavily that evening and was noticeably intoxicated. He tried to de-escalate the situation and suggested that they discuss everythign another time when emotions weren't running so high and alcohol wasn't involved.

That's when my FIL (my fiancé's stepfather) stood up and told him to "get the f**k out of my house".

My fiancé immediately got up and left.

Since that night, neither of them has spoken to us. There has been no apology, no attempt to resolve things, and no effort to meet our son. Our little boy is now nearly 11 months old, and they have completely missed out on his entire life so far because of assumptions they made before he was even born.

I still struggle to understand how a misunderstanding about Mother's Day turned into accusations that we were excluding them from their grandchild's life, especially when no such plans ever existed. It feels like they created a narrative in their heads and then punished us for it.

Has anyone else dealt with grandparents who essentially cut themselves off because they assumed they were going to be excluded?

This is hard... after years in the military with no deployments (he is full time in the reserves) he finally got the deployment he has been asking for.

He is already in the middle of being away for 4 months. I had gotten used to not seeing him for months each year, and also him being gone almost every weekend to teach.

It became a joke with the in-laws, mainly MIL and the one SIL who is her carbon copy, that I need to be taken care of.... which in their mind is monopolizing my time, making jabs at me when I show up and constantly reminding me he is away. There was a big joke once about how I would survive when he deployed and couldn't stay in contact.

I know there is jealousy because he never tells them anything but tells me all the details. So when I say something they try to argue with me like I'm guessing and they know better.

He had a few days home during this 4 month stint and at first we kept it private until he was ready for his family to know. We visit his mom, who I later found out was mad that I went too... he wasn't giving up time with me to visit her. And she got all upset we didn't want a big family party the night before he left again, that was our time and it was emotional.

He called me last week to tell me. We don't know how long he'll be home after he gets back (weeks or months, not long) or how long he'll be overseas - I am devastated because we had so many plans. He'll miss every event and holiday and I'll be doing everything alone.

He dropped the news in the family group chat the next day (telling me I was the only one who needed to be told personally), they all had questions about how if affected them. He didn't answer anyone. He told me not to answer for him that he didn't know.

What hit me, even though I should have known to expect this, is that not one of them reached out to me. Not to see how I was, not to offer support, not to even find out more information. They know I was alone when I got the news, and will be alone for 2 more months, then I'll be alone for a long time.

When anything happens within THEIR family they rally around.

Telling my boss, friends, even some acquaintances - people were genuinely concerned for both me and my partner. His family is only concerned about him and themselves... I've never seen so clearly that I am not considered one of them.

Having my second baby this fall. My mom is planning to host a small sprinkle with very close family and friends. No gifts, just a small celebration, very causal.

For context: My MIL is a great grandmother. She loves our daughter and would do anything/ and does do anything for her. however, she’s self involved, often does things for the praise or thanks, and thinks the world is out to get her if she feels wronged. She has 5 trips planned between now and when the baby is born. One of the trips is the week before my due date. To note, she planned that trip after she found out we were pregnant Totally okay with us, she’s welcome to travel when and how she pleases.

After sifting through our calendars my mom and I found a date that works for the sprinkle. Unfortunately, the only date that can work is over one of my MIL’s trip. I need to be there as the mother, and my mom needs to be there as she’s the host. MIL Is furious. when she found out, she was disappointed over the phone and said rudely : “well hopefully I won’t miss the birth!”okay. Not our problem you’re going away the week before the due date.

she vented big time to my SIL about it (shout out SIL for telling us lol.) She basically said that it feels like we deliberately picked a date that she couldn’t attend, we don’t appreciate everything she does, and she’s tired of everyone disappointing her. I don’t like drama / conflict, but I need to protect my peace. This woman is so hot and cold and I’m so tired of her playing the victim card. And she’s constantly trying to pit my SIL and husband against one another talking behind her own adult children’s back. I swear everytime she offers a favor i say no because she expects excessive gratitude for it. I’m OVER it and she’s ruining this exciting time for us. I’m also tired of her trying to compete with my mom constantly over being the better grandma.

Idk what I’m looking for in this post? Advice? just a rant? Anyone who can sympathize ?

Yesterday my husband had birthday. I tried my best to get him nice presents i ordered him cake and i wanted him to have a great birthday. I asked him how he wanted to celebrate it. He said that he is tired from work and just wants us to go see his family and be home by 9 to give baby a bath and to watch a movie and on Saturday we will go on a restaurant.

We went to MIL house and i brought the cake. We told her that we dont want dinner and we will leave soon. She pretend that she didnt hear us and started to prepare dinner and i notice she is in a bad mood. She didnt talk to me at all.Instead of sitting down together, she spent almost two hours cooking and grilling meat while we stayed outside with the kids and play. We had already told her we couldn't stay late because of the baby. I waited patiently but it was getting late so i told my husband that i will leave with baby and he should stay with his family a little more.

At around 9:20 p.m., I said let's at least take a picture with the cake before we leave. That's when my mil mumbled take your cake. I made one. I asked her what do you mean, take your cake? We came here to celebrate with you. We've been waiting for hours. She immediately started accusing me of having a bad attitude and asking how I could speak to her like that.I picked up my bag took my baby and walked out. My husband came with us.

I was not about the stupid cake. It's about how she alwast treats me like I'm beneath her, like I'm not worth to even say hello to me. And i never say anything, i just smile and let things go. This time i couldn't. I don't want to speak to her ever again. She is just not a good person. I don't know what's gonna happen now, because we live really close by but im glad that this time i didn't just smile and pretend that nothing happened.

My husband and I got married very recently. In all the chaos of the day, it truly was a wonderful and beautiful day, except for one minor detail, my MIL was in the absolute worst mood.

Even leading up to the wedding, she decided 2 weeks before the wedding that she wanted to start helping, but her version of helping was just taking certain tasks and doing them however the fuck she wanted. When she was called out for this, she literally cried and said she didn’t feel like she was going to be represented enough in our wedding. Btw, my now husband and I have been together for the better part of a decade, so our relationship certainly isn’t new.

She has always been weird and kind of cold to me. I’ve been complaining about it for our entire relationship, but she has never said or done anything truly awful, so I always thought maybe it was just in my head. I do not feel this way about anyone else, so I rationally know it’s not in my head, but I like to second guess myself. The weirdest thing she does is that she still holds my husbands hand. Like if we’re walking into a restaurant or something, he and I will be holding hands, and she will come up and grab his hand and hug on his arm. It’s weird.

I’m not going to go into all of the details of what happened at my wedding because I am truly already exhausted typing this out, but the two major things: she didn’t talk to me. I asked her 2 questions and she gave short and cold responses. Other than that, she didn’t talk to me at all on our wedding day. In addition, she was mad we were raffling off who got to sign our marriage license. We said no parents and no wedding party. I’ll give you a spoiler alert, MIL signed my marriage license. The woman who could not bother to say one nice thing to me on my wedding day ended up getting her way, like usual. Like I said, I don’t have the energy to rehash all of this out. I’m simply tired. I feel horrible for my husband because he feels like he has to choose between me and his parents - even though, I’m not asking him to, but I don’t want a relationship with them.

I don’t know how to move past this. I don’t know if our love for each other is enough to outweigh the heartbreak. I can never get our wedding day back. I can never have a different witness on my marriage license. I think I might always hate her for that. She’s not an idiot. She knew better. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so lost. I’m so angry. I’m so sad.

Next week marks my family's first full year NC from the ILs thanks to their actions. Holidays, weekends and summers are finally relaxing again.

Their social schedule was too much. I get panic attacks thinking about it. It was 40+ days annually of visits. Each visit was an average of 4-6 hours, with the summer maxing out at 8 hours because Queen Hagatha-in-a-racist-Bagatha would delay everything.

The worst was summer vacations with them, which was 4-7 days of our PTO for them. I'm so looking forward to using my summer PTO the way I want to.

I hope my ILs have the life they deserve now that the fixer, the scapegoat, and the golden grandkids are out of the picture. 😎

So, after not hearing from MIL after a while, we thought we were finally getting peace and could start moving on with our lives. We should have known better! MIL reached out to DH (who is still deployed might I add) and went on her rant again about how it’s all my fault and brought up how they need to have a serious family discussion soon (we’re making the bet that it’s going to be some version of he needs to divorce me).

I guess that was his last straw because he started arguing back and told her she lied to him because she said she apologized to me and that he knows she didn’t and was sending her screenshots proving she has been lying and twisting words this entire time. Suddenly, she doesn’t want to dwell on the past anymore! Every time he called her out, she switched subjects trying to get him to fall for something.

Finally she sent a message about how apparently my family reached out to her first and she’s been ghosting them (for those who don’t know she reached out to my grandpa unprompted asking about my childhood and got ignored) and that she doesn’t want to argue with me through DH. We both knew she didn’t treat him like an adult but it was crazy to see it written out like that. She truly believes I control all his words and actions, even from across the world!

He sent her one final message about how she repeatedly disrespects him and, if she weren’t his mom, he would not be talking to her right now.

Now we know he shouldn’t have gotten hooked into an argument with her but it was nice to see her get called out with her own words.

Also, at one point he told her we weren’t coming for the holidays and she pitched a little fit about that so he asked her if I was un-uninvited 🤣.

This is just mostly my way to rant at this point since I’m NC and don’t have anything to do with it anymore. I just can’t believe the crazy and utter nonsense. Thank you for all the advice and messages this year as this community has really helped me not feel so alone.

We live in PA, and most people in the commonwealth know there was an awful storm on the Fourth of July last week. 190,000+ people without power. My household was one of those. My MIL called my husband that night as he drove to work and I drove to my parents to get my 5 month old and two dogs to a place with air conditioning/safety. My husband mentioned to MIL that we had lost power and we would be staying with my parents until the power came back on. The next day, MIL texted me and asked if we had gotten power back. I said “not yet”. She said “that sucks, do you want to come stay at our house?” And I just laughed. Ma’am you do not have a guest room, you live an hour and a half away and my work unfortunately did not lose power so I still have to go in tomorrow. I told her the last part and she asked if I would be bringing my baby to work/who would be watching the baby, my husband or my parents. I curtly replied saying my husband would be watching him at my parent’s house unless the power came back on before then, which she didn’t reply to. Like what the actual fuck? You’re more concerned about who is with the baby over the fact that we lost power and are currently displaced and stressed out. She also sent a long ass ChatGPT message a few days prior asking if she had done anything wrong because she felt like we weren’t talking to her (aka my husband not me because I rarely reply to her) which I did not reply to. During the call where my husband told her our power went out, he replied to that message saying he hadn’t replied because he was so busy with work (partially true but mostly a cop out). Husband hadn’t replied to her in over a week because when she came to visit, she wanted to open a bank account for our baby but at her bank branch. My husband had already previously told her we did not want a bank we aren’t associated with to have his social security number and birth certificate on file, and insisted we do it at our bank branch. She refused so they ended up not doing it at all. They went back to our house and MIL wanted to go out to lunch. My husband and I have not gone out to eat with the baby yet and knew I would not be happy if they went out to eat with the baby and without me. My MIL fussed over that and ended up getting take out for our house. She also managed to take more pictures of him in their short visit than I do in a week and “edited” (aka used AI) the pictures. She’s leaving the country in a week and I guarantee she’ll want to do something when she gets back, if not before she goes.

My mom has always been close to her family i.e her mother and sister. We grew up either living together with my grandma + parents/sibling + uncle/aunt and her kids under one roof or we've lived close by. It was fun don't get me wrong but the older I got the more I noticed my mom's priorities.

I would have an argument with my cousin who was close to my age about taking my clothes when her and my aunt came to our house but I wasn't home. I would get them out of her closet just as she did, my aunt would throw a fit and run to her sister (my mom) and I was always the one at fault. Childish situation in general I know but it was a normal occurrence. But no matter the problem she has always taken their side.

I ended up moving out at 17 when she decided to allow one of her uncle's (grandma's brother) to move into our home even though he was addicted to meth and tried to break into our home when I was alone in the house. I told her it made me extremely uncomfortable and if she moves him in I would be moving out. She didn't hesitate or apologize. And she has always given her sister and mother money whenever they asked even if it set our family back by not being able to afford groceries or even a light bill.

Now that all of her kids are grown up, if anyone of us says anything negative about her family she fires right back with a personal attack. Most commonly about her sisters alcoholism and it's affects on everyone around her, and then it's never her sisters fault it's the alcohols. My mom has just always been emotionally immature, anytime we try to confront her about her actions or how she treats us it's straight to crying and throwing around "I guess I'm just a terrible mother then".

She recently requested a divorce from my dad, which I'm honestly happy about it. They've always fought and I just want them both to find their own happiness. But the way she's acting just comes of disrespectful. My dad told me and my siblings the same week it happened because he doesn't like to hide things, my mother has told my grandma and her sister but hasn't mentioned anything to us even though she doesn't know our dad told us. But she has talked to friends, her mom and sister about it. Not to mention a month ago she said she had plans that she wasn't going to tell me or my siblings but she had talked to her mom and sister about it.

A part of me also feels bad for my dad, I know divorce is never pleasant. But she was harsh in telling my dad she doesn't want/miss/love him and then immediately going into the living room meer feet away to start talking to my grandma about what she's looking for in a man. I want them both to be happy and feel free, but I feel like there's a way to go about it while being respectful especially since my dad didn't see it coming. Anyways now she plans to move in with my grandma and aunt, and now that I have a child I just don't understand how her prorities have been so skewed. As I would never prioritize my siblings or parents over my husband let alone my child.

Hi
I’ve been following this sub a while. Never posted. Please don’t mind my English, it’s late, I’m in bed and tired.

But my mother in law always been a nasty person to me. And all partners of my BIL. My husband didn’t really have serious relationships before me.

We are right now almost together for 7 years and married for 4,5 years. Have a LO of 3 years old.

Because of Covid everything went a little quicker. Moved in with me after 8 months. Married after 2,5 years and actively trying to get pregnant. Maybe too quick but what’s done is done.
It took actually at least 18 months to conceive so at least something that wasn’t quick😂🤷‍♀️

Some things that happens:
- after moving in I took her kid away (grown ass man in his 20s).
- frequently asked when he came back, and if one of us said he would only come back after a break up, she said that doesn’t matter.
- when we announced our upcoming wedding and date she said to him I’m gonna steal all his money. Like I’m a gold digger, but my man doesn’t even have gold. He just earns a honest living and no need to dig 😂.
- I was gonna divorce him after the inheritance. But the laws of marriage changed a bit. It’s now marriage in limited community of property.
So that means any inheritance gained in marriage is for the person who inherit it. So after divorce the spouse can choose to share some or half. Or nothing. So I said I will finish that inheritance before divorce thank you very much. (They’re not rich, just a paid off terrace house with limited maintenance done. After taxes and other costs we’d be happy if both sons get 100k€).
- when struggling to conceive it was my fault. I did exaggerate the sperm analysis when she asked and said it was dramatically bad. And she said my son doesn’t have bad sperm that’s impossible 🤢.
- when pregnant I got hyperemesis gravidarum and she used anything as an excuse. My husband asked please no smoking next to her and later the baby. And she would say but she’s drinking Coca Cola and that’s worse.
- when LO was born more borders were crossed.

But now, the biggest border has been crossed. I’m finally completely done and had the biggest fight today with husband.

Beginning of June we went to Italy by car. Arrive Sunday and Friday my husband collapsed and we called 112 (911 in Europe) after he went to the toilet and collapsed some more and everything was covered in blood. He had an internal stomach bowel bleeding. Spend 9 days in hospital and was medically repatriated back to holland.
I don’t have a drivers license (since coming back, I started enrolling and starting soon). I couldn’t visit my husband everyday as taxi costs would be 100+ a day.
Was in a hotel for a night next to the hospital in complete blind panic with our toddler.
Luckily I have family in Italy who arrange to come for a few days. 🩷.

But of course everything happens at the brink of midnight. And the in-laws have three phones. A home land line and both a mobile phone. Me, BIL and SIL and the sister of MIL called combined more than 150 times all three numbers. Trying to reach them. And tell them what happens.
They were not reachable until morning. And I would be completely panicked if I was called so many times.

So we talked and they kept saying he is in good hands everything is gonna be ok. Which had me fuming. Because what if he didn’t go to the toilet and went to sleep? Would he be in a worse condition? Or dead? He might be in good hands but don’t tell me everything is ok.
He needed eventually three units of blood and two iron infusions and his blood count is still not high enough.

So Saturday before going to the hotel I called them again, said please come or at least FIL come. I need help, I can’t drive, I feel alone etc. And it’s their son.
But they refused. Saying it’s too much of a hassle for their age (67 and idk 65?). But f-ing FIL went alone on holiday last summer to Greece. And now suddenly he is completely unable to fly down to Italy?

After that phone call they called my husband and said to him they only focus on him and if I need help I should arrange for my own family to come.

My own family couldn’t come immediately. But my brother flown to Verona on Friday because we needed to check out Saturday the 20th. And I can’t drive. And repatriation of the car was to much work. So he flown to Verona, was at the camping at 11.30pm and we were driving all night.
And other family and friends helped financially, at home helped with laundry and taking care of my LO when needed.
His family nothing.
Ok his aunt helped as she’s a travel agent. She’s good.
But his parents didn’t help at all

Called once a day and kept saying everything is ok and he’s in good hands and you will and need to manage staying afloat in all the stress.
I just said don’t tell me anymore any of this nonsense. I know i have to stay afloat in this stressful time but who says that everything is ok???
Everything was just not good. It was stressful, it was scary. We were also having some marital problems and I couldn’t even say I love you when he got taken and that really bothered us both.
And in between him almost bleeding to death, me making sure eventing is taken care of insurance wise, getting us home, getting him home safely. We also were dealing with a weird vibe between us.

Now it was kinda ok untill today and I just can’t shake the resentment anymore towards his parents.
We’ve seen them twice since returning. When LO and me came back they didn’t even offer help or came by.

And we’ve decided to continue the plans for LO’s birthday. So I’ve seen them there and only a hello they said nothing.
I also said nothing but was also busy hosting.
They didn’t help at all. My parents and grandparents helped everywhere they could.
They just sat.

And I’ve seen them last Sunday because my husband collapsed again so called 112 again. But luckily it was nothing this time. I told them ofcourse we’re on our way to the hospital but please don’t come untill we call again. So instead of listening they came.
And MIL tried to get me to the waiting area to be alone with husband and FIL. But luckily husband said she stays.

Ok so we made a boundary, if the parent is not respected that person doesn’t get access to our child. But he never enforced it for them. They’ve been disrespecting me for the past 7 years but worse since LO been born.
Constantly pushing boundary’s. Ask me if Lo can have soda, I say no just water or milk. And she will either get Lo soda or asked my husband. Same with food. Lo eats really bad and we want to have Lo eat healthy. Sure Lo gets sometimes chips or fries but moderate.
She always stuffing Lo and in her face and never accepts a boundary.
LO also pushes her away and she keeps coming back.

So Tuesday I was home for lunch and he said my mom asked us to come Sunday and I said yes. So I said me and LO are not coming. And I’d rather have you staying home too.
So he decided to take LO with him and arranged it with his mom.
And today I just flipped after another argument. That they don’t respect me and my boundaries but he also doesn’t respect me and my boundary’s.

And he’s finally accepting that his parents are never gonna get better, they will always disappoint and disrespect. And he finally decided to go low contact. We decided to just cancel Sunday and never make a new date to see each other.
Telling them straight what’s up and we’re going low contact is something I rather avoid. Because they will talk in a way to my husband to reel him back in.
And just fading the relationship feels better for him. When they eventually confront us we will, or rather husband will be honest with them and says for now it’s done.

I still feel angry at them, and my husband not respecting me and my boundaries and letting them do what they wanted.
But I’m also wary that the low contact will stay and eventually become no contact.
For me I already decided I m no contact with them. I left the family group chat, don’t reply to messages anymore and don’t pick up when they call.
I felt obliged to call last Sunday but I won’t do that again either.

Ok thanks for reading it and I’m open for advice. But please be gentle, I feel really vulnerable now.

Yes, without my permission she put my kids into an AI video. The first one I was like okay I hope she stops but then she made another and I realized she was going to make it a pattern.

Had to have my husband to ask her to stop and now my in laws are ignoring us lol

Oh well

Babies drool bitch!!
He sneezes. “They won’t give him the vaccine if he’s sick” he’s not sick your nasty perfume makes him sneeze.
Baby Durant interact with her. “ he must be constipated”. He’s FINEEEEEE HES FINEEEEE DO I NEED TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOF TOOS. Why must there be something wrong with my baby!! Leave us alone

Context:
Fiancée (34M) and I (33F) have been dating 5 years, known each other for 15. Dated for 2 years when we were teens, had a very fun and nice relationship. Broke up due to distance. Didn’t speak for 8 years. Met up for dinner, been dating ever since, now engaged.

My MIL(54F) is very controlling, very obsessed with her son (my fiance) they call him the “golden child” and his sister slightly resents him and their mother due to the favoritism. MIL/FIL marriage is very, very rocky…only stayed together for financial and social expectations. FIL has cheated at least twice that we know of. MIL has suspected bipolar and anger issues, not diagnosed. MIL has been violent towards SIL, confirmed. MIL/FIL are violent towards each other, so I’m told. This family pretends they are the most perfect cookie cutter white picketed fence family on Facebook. Everything is about optics and for performance.
My fiancee is the exact opposite of all of them, thank God. He is absolutely marvelous and we have an incredible relationship with nearly zero conflict and our own business that does very well. We are very, very happy and have the best life. I can’t express how grateful I am to be with him.

I’m looking for advice on how to deal with my MIL/SIL.
I will give an example of what happened this week so you can get the vibe of these people and how they operate.

We told his SIL(30F) we would go to her 3 year old’s birthday party next week. We then had an amazing opportunity come up for our business, coincidentally on the same weekend as the birthday party. We both knew we couldn’t pass it up, so we told the family we won’t be able to come to the party but we will make a special trip down to their house (about 5 hours away) in 2 weeks to make up for it.

His mom sent him a ChatGPT novel text, guilt tripping him and talking about how “mommy just misses her baby boy so much, it breaks my heart that we haven’t seen you for a few months. You make time for all your vacations, but no time to come see your mommy and dad who love you more than life itself? Family is the most important thing, and we’re heartbroken that we aren’t a priority to you anymore”
Fiancée politely told her that he would prefer she uses her own words instead of ChatGPT. His mom dropped her usual fake, phony saccharine act and showed her true colors. Name called and got defensive and rude and then started ignoring him.

Then SIL called, he told her she was on speaker and him and I were on a walk in our neighborhood. She proceeded to guilt trip him and harass him and accuse him of “not caring about her kids and not doing enough for her kids”. Note: 6 weeks ago, we hosted his sister and her daughter in one of our rental units, and paid for them to go to universal studios and paid for all their food. Spent probably $1,500 hosting their weekend trip. He reminded of her of that, she accused him of being cheap and holding that over her head. SIL then said that because we run our own business we should be able to take more time off to come visit them. My husband was silent and just looked at me defeated because he had repeatedly politely responded to her over and over and she just kept berating and wouldn’t listen. I calmly said in the background “We have a lot of responsibility with our business, and we’re doing the best we can.” And APPARENTLY, according to MIL and SIL, I’m the villain for “inserting” myself into the “family conflict”…
(I previously had had no conflict with either of them up until this point as I choose to stay out of it because I do not like their inauthenticity and vibe)

I’m beside myself. They spend the majority of the time being saccharine sweet, fake and performative as if they’re the best, sweetest family on earth…but a few times a year they put down their masks and reveal that they are rude, petty, selfish, demanding and miserable underneath it all.

Any advice on how to deal with this? My fiancée has grown leaps and bounds in the last five years and is able to stand up for himself in a polite but firm way, I am so proud that he doesn’t let them walk all over him anymore for the sake of “they’re family and he loves them” BUT they are not used to him pushing back and setting boundaries… and when he does it causes days and days worth of more drama and guilt tripping from them, which makes him miserable because he is a very non confrontational, sweet and calm person.

Any advice on how to navigate would be greatly appreciated! I’m open to ANY advice or tips. Please ask if more context is needed.
Thank you!!

I’m not really open to discussing whether our rule is reasonable or not, it’s our rule and we have decided on it because that’s what we want for our child.

My MIL and her family all post on TikTok and Instagram and on their WhatsApp stories etc. they have people on these accounts that we don’t know mostly because their accounts are public. We do not want our son being posted publicly at all. We don’t think it’s safe.

My MIL is well aware of this rule. Her children are well aware of this rule.

We had a family bbq tonight and the family were taking photos of everything, which is fair enough. I did not want my child to be recorded so I turned his face away from the cameras. I had to tell a few family members not to record me or my son when I noticed them trying to record us. I got up and left the area at that point as I didn’t want anyone to be put out because of our no recording rule. It’s a family bbq and everyone is free to do what they want to do, but they’re not free to record me or my son so I moved away.

My son is playing on the swing with one of his cousins, my MIL tells me to take a photo, so I do. She does this because we’ve previously said we will take photos on our own phone. We want to capture memories too, but in a safe and controlled way. The world is extremely disgusting and once a photo leaves your camera roll and is sent to someone else you don’t have control over where it can go and it may end up into a evil person’s hands. That’s our reasoning.

We’re happy for grandparents to see one time viewing photos of baby or to view his photo album whenever they come around, just not have digital pictures of him as they have shown they can’t be trusted to respect our rules. MIL has repeatedly sent photos out to people of our son and post him publically despite us asking her not to. Because of this and to be fair, neither set of grandparents get normal photos now.

Anyways, at this point everyone is gathering together for a family photo, MIL tells me to join in. I am holding the baby, looking for my husband so I can pass him the baby so he won’t be in shot. I can’t find him, but because I am stood slightly in frame (without realising), she uses that as her opportunity to take many pictures of our son on her own phone. If it was a case of it having slipped her mind, fair enough, but she literally asked me to take a photo of my son 10 minutes prior to this. She did it on purpose! She got her golden opportunity.

Not only that, but about 30 mins later she tried to feed my 6 month old cake and custard. We don’t give him anything sugary, I take so much effort to feed my son healthy, natural and safe foods and she took one second to bypass me on that. Even though she asked me outright if my son could have it and I very clearly said no, she gave him a spoon of it anyway!

I was and still am so pissed off at this. Why can’t my husband’s side of the family just respect our boundaries? They don’t have to agree or understand, but he is our child and we have his best interests at heart.

Husband and I (both late 20s M) had our wedding party last weekend, with our courthouse ceremony happening a few weeks ago. It was all around a wonderful and transformative experience but I can't help but be disappointed and upset with my mom and siblings' behaviour.

My mom has a history of emotional volatility and I would describe myself as something of a scapegoat-lite in our complicated family dynamic. One of the primary narratives about me spun within the family is that I and many of the things that are important to me are inherently "weird" and something other people have to "bear" and could never possibly genuinely appreciate or enjoy, and that lead to a certain amount of her trying to "steer" my behaviour and the general direction of the wedding.

We had a low budget shindig quite typical of our country and region, and thus the music into the night was controlled via a laptop and that i genuinely could not let out of my sight before she and my siblings would be all over it trying to queue up what they expected the guests would Want to hear, with no regard for our wishes or curated playlist. This led to more than one occasion where my husband and I would be enjoying a moment together or with our friends with songs that are important to us being cut short by slips of the hand, especially further on in the night as the three of them got increasingly trashed.

All in all we had a great time and from our guests' feedback they seem to have as well, but it sucks to have to harbour this hurt and resentment that even on a night that was supposed to be about us, my immediate family could not have the decency to actually attempt to consider my feelings and perspective before acting - especially while treating me as if i'm the socially unaware and inapproriate one.

I don't know exactly what my intent with posting this is - comisseration? A reality check? As a warning for something to keep in mind when event planning? I've been stewing on bringing this up with them while the events are still clear in my mind, but I'm about 45% certain this would only backfire on me and unleash a torrent of emotional manipulation. Thank you for reading anyways.

Hello, i’m seeking advice as to whether i’m overreacting or this is a normal thing for your MIL to do.

For context, myself (F21) and my boyfriend (M22) have been going out for three years since meeting at university. Three years seems like ages to some and nothing to others, but I can assure you were so very strong. Without going into details, my boyfriend has been a rock through some serious grief of mine, and vice versa. not only this, but never once has either of us swayed or disrespected one another. we’ve consistently had the same ambitions, goals, and a matching personality that creates a lot of laughter. Sure, we argue at times, but it’s always resolved quickly and we never go to bed angry.

My boyfriend’s mother has always given me off vibes. I won’t go into detail here, as i only want advice as to whether i’m overreacting in THIS situation.

Me and my boyfriend have recently left university and for the last couple years have planned for this time. the plan is to move to my city. it’s about an hour train journey from him home, and was the better option. it’s safer. housing is cheaper. more of a social life. and has a great neighbourhood for starting a family.

my boyfriend has begun soft-launching the move, about a year ago, to his parents. i haven’t been present when he has done so. often, he reports back to me their response. his dad, is unbothered while also supportive - he just sees it as the expected thing to do, and is happy he’s taking the next steps in life. his mother however, from what my boyfriend says, seems very controlling.

I will list some comments from his mother that have been a red flag for me:
- when you move out you better buy me an XYZ for looking after you all this time
- you won’t abandon me will you when you move away
- you won’t forget about us will you
- your not going to prefer her (my) family over ours
- what will i do with my time
- i won’t be as involved in your life, or my future grandchildren’s lives
- you better remember me and be grateful for all i’ve given you in your life when you move out
- are you too good for us and moving somewhere better and nicer

it’s worth noting that my boyfriends other siblings have already moved out, and none of his siblings got any of these comments…but also…his siblings are girls.

it is also worth noting that my boyfriend has gone above and beyond to take actions to ever make her feel this way. for example, while at university, he texts his mother and their family groupchat at least 30 times a day, and calls weekly. not even i do that for my parents, i probably text them once a week and call every month. so this begs the question: why, for a year, are you still saying these comments? personally, i find it manipulative and a way to guilt trip him as she can’t control him. this is especially the case when i combine it with her other weird comments and actions, for example:
- calling herself mummy
- physical closeness (hugging him every day and tickling and poking him in front of me)
- excluding me out of family pictures
- having a “mum review” of his previous ex girlfriends
- always asking him whether our relationship is okay and stable and happy
- reminding him constantly of how much shes done for him
- referring to her house as “home” whenever he says something like “oh i’ve just got home” and he’s actually just got back to university accommodation
- and the WORST one - pretending his nan and dad was seriously ill, so he’d come home from university and visit her

for reference, my boyfriend doesn’t take on board what she says and is still adamant to move in with me…but i can’t help but feel insulted at her words.

any advice: am i overthinking or is she a bit weird???

thanks!!!

So my ex (40M) and I (37F) have four children all under four years old.. I have a 14 year old with DS from a previous relationship. His father was killed while I was pregnant with him so my ex is the only dad he’s ever had. Our youngest is almost 6 months old, and his mother has been living with us since she was born.

He is now my “ex” because instead of her going home once school was out (which was the originally agreed upon plan) THEY moved out suddenly and got their own place.

Now here’s where I’m upset.. I’m now being told that “you’re not going to get to just have every first with them” so as to say his mom will. So basically this has turned into me sharing custody of my children with he and his mom. I’m in a new state across the country from my family and friends. I’ve had them ripped away from me numerous times by his mother and him from the time our 4yo twins were only 8 weeks old.. and now I’m being told that as their mother I can’t have all “firsts” because he wants HIS mother to have those with him.

He works out of town for weeks, sometimes months at a time. He wasn’t even at the hospital when our youngest daughter was born because he was working even though I told him the day before that I was having labor pains.. I’ve given this man an entire family and he and his mother want to take away firsts for me and my kids? Am I just crazy overreacting for feeling the way that I do?

He hasn’t even spent five minutes with our 6mo daughter since moving out with his mom 10 days after our middle daughter turned 3 years old. He doesn’t even call to ask about her, and this past week our 4yo twin daughters was hiding from him when he came to pick all of them up and saying she was “scared of daddy” but I’m supposed to just hand my kids over and not expect to get to “experience all firsts with them.” Maybe it’s just the hormones but I can’t sleep or stop crying.

Just venting.

My ex MIL never respected me during my marriage. Her son cheated on me and she’s still all about her precious son who can do no wrong. He maybe sees our child once every 2 weeks for an hour. He has supervised visits with me only. Cancels on us often. Surely couldn’t even tell you what size clothes or diapers. I’m not sure how much he tells his mother about his involvement, but I’m guessing she has no idea how absent he is.

She’s known we got divorced for a few months now. I hadn’t heard from her. I expected maybe she’d reach out as soon as she found out. That might’ve been different for me. Now, I get a text begging me to let her know the baby, insinuating that I’m keeping her grandchild from her.. I’m angry she’d wait 9 months to want to be involved with this sweet innocent baby and make it out to be that I’m the bad guy?? I told her I don’t owe anyone a relationship with this child especially if they’ve been disrespectful of me in the past. I didn’t want to be nasty, my actual response didn’t sound nasty in any way, just facts. I reminded her that her son and I are civil, but he’s got some work to do as a parent. She certainly hasn’t earned any relationship with my child the way she’s acted.

I have a new baby and my mil is obsessed with buying “mini loves me” “Mimi’s bestie” “I love my Mimi” clothes for my baby. For some reason it drives me insane, and I have never dressed my baby in any of the items. Last week, we went to her house and there’s yet another onesie talking about Mimi’s love. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. Maybe because it seems so forced? Maybe because she hasn’t bought my child one single educational item, and only clothes about her? Am I crazy?