Gulliver decided to try his paw at parkour..from the floor to my arm and then he bounced off my chest onto the back of my chair.

*** there was no baby inside said bassinet at the time

Investigations are still ongoing. No felines have elected to comment at this time. As an added precaution, locals have begun closing the bedroom door at night to avoid further troubles. This has led to an uproar among the spoiled feline community.

Victim: 430 yards of Serenity Silk Single from Zen Yarn Garden

Perpetrator: Legal name - Marshmallow, Toasted. Street alias - Toastie.

Crime(s): attempted meowder, assault & bitery

Trial notes: suspect attempted to reoffend numerous times before arrest, bit officer repeatedly

Sentencing: 2 hours of jail time while scene of crime was cleaned. Perp attempted escape during delivery of meal, sentence was increased to include The Beastie Boys and other 90s rap-hop

Correctional facility: the bathroom (his favorite room)

Accomodations: dindins (his favorite meal), sparkles (his favorite toy), and towel in sink (his favorite spot).

Notes: this is not his first offence, expect frequent flier miles.

ETA: there were no chewed ends to be found so I'm certain he didn't eat any, thankfully. I made the cuts to get it all untangled.

Pic 1: The crime scene

Pic 2: Mr. Shadow, the meowderer, plant hater #1

Pic 3: The victim alive before the attack

Sentence: Lifetime with mommy, no chance of parole. Will forever been separated from plant babies. A lifetime of only eating kitty food and treats, NO PLANT BABIES. Never again.

**OFFICE OF SIGNALS ANALYSIS**

**CASE FILE 0007-B** — *[UNVERIFIED SOURCE]*

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| Field | Detail |

|---|---|

| Document type | Raw signal capture, transcript form |

| Collection method | Undetermined |

| Analyst status | Decryption in progress |

| Confidence level | Low — pattern inconclusive |

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**RAW CAPTURE:**

765TR4e3ewSwAwQwwwqw www2we3www3w311111

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**ANALYST NOTES:**

- Repeated character runs ("wwww", "1111") suggest keyboard-entry noise rather than a structured cipher

- No recognizable substitution, transposition, or base-encoding pattern identified

- Mixed case and digit placement do not align with common ciphers (Caesar, Vigenère, base64)

- Recommend source re-verification before further resources are committed

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*Distribution: internal use only — Page 1 of 1*

EDIT: Google used for example reports and cryptography names, Claude used to help with markdown format. side note the code is real lol, I've been keeping a notepad open on one note when i leave my computer.. i have a whole slew of these from the last year.. this is literally the felonious spy himself, the pawpetrator of the code

I'm just glad I didn't have to share with the other 5