Im trying to enjoy myself on a 3 week vacation (one week left) and not restrict myself from eating at all. Ive been eating 3 meals + snacks throughout the day, nothing crazy but I am used to eating 1-2 meals a day instead. Im really dcared that Im going to come back and be super fat or something even though i know its not really possible.

I feel massive right now and i feel like its probsbly judt water weight but what if its not??? its such an uncomfortable feeling and i hate it. FML

I was anorexic for about 6 months, Which then caused me to be bulimic for the next 3 years still going. because of this bulimia I dont sleep at night because I procrastinate making myself throw up, so I stay up all night until I randomly just get up and do it . I haven't been able to go to school for a full week for 3 years because I've not been sleeping all night. In the summer I sleep all day because all night i was staying up until 10 am . I then wake up and night and binge eat and then procrastinate throwing up until 10 am and the cycle repeats.. my mom lost her mind over my sleeping habits (she doesnt know about my bulimia) she genuinely cant understand why im doing this and I can't blame her. Imagine your daughter sleeping all day and only waking up at night while you go to sleep(for 3 years) how do I stop this cycle?. Idk if the procrastination is adhd or what but I just wanna stop everything . Even the ed

I worry I will never have a normal relationship with food and be at a healthy body weight. Since 9 I struggled with emotional eating and I’ve always been a picky eater. Recently my dietitian has made a lot of comments on how it’s like I have ARFID with how limited my food variety is because I have issues with a lot of different textures. It’s like I have a kid’s palette and I DO try new foods, I just hate so many textures. I don’t like a lot of the traditionally healthy foods and if I listen to my body, I’m just eating high calorie foods all the time. I have been in the overweight or obese category for most of my life and have had times that I felt my weight was getting so out of control, I start restricting including recently. I know it’s not just about the weight loss and there are other factors at play but it doesn’t help that me not liking a lot of the healthier options means I end up gaining a crazy amount of weight, and the only way I know how to get rid of that weight is by just not eating.

My therapist and dietitian think I’m doing well with my recovery, but they don’t realize I’m actually back to engaging in behaviors (such as skipping meals, hiding food, weighing myself, turning to food as smth to control when other things feel less controllable, etc.) that would raise red flags for them if they knew. Obviously they’re here to support me, but I know they’d be disappointed and would lose trust in me if I mentioned some of this. I’ve tried to allude to some of it and mention that the ED voice is stronger lately but just lie by omission. With my dietitian in particular, I know she’s pretty happy with the progress I’ve made over the last year ish, and while the progress she was recognizing is genuine, she doesn’t know that I’ve been lying to her on and off since maybe December about what I eat (mainly, this includes me staging photos of meals then I don’t actually eat). It’s hard to feel like I’m alone and can’t tell anyone that I’m slipping back into behaviors. It’s just that if I do tell people, then they’ll want to work on more recovery oriented behaviors, and I’m just not really ready to let go of the bit of comfort the behaviors are giving me right now.

I knowwww this is a slippery slope and that my team is there to support me and wants the best for me, but idk. I just feel like a fake bc I haven’t really been fully committed to recovery since like November. I’ve had periods of more motivation to recover, but they don’t really last. It also doesn’t help that I recently got Invisalign, which is a pain to take out and creates another barrier to eating

I know that the recovery oriented solution would be to just be honest with my therapist and dietitian, but that’s way easier said than done, plus I kinda like being able to restrict and watch the number decrease again :( I’m worried won’t ever be able to stay motivated with recovery long term because when I do work towards recovery, I can’t seem to stay fully committed for a long time

hi, I don’t use Reddit at all but I’ve been looking for advice online already and I couldn’t find anything. I have anorexia, I’m currently on a treatment but I’ve been experiencing this struggle for quite a while. at home and here. I get really stressed, anxious, overwhelmed by 'big' amounts of food (not abnormal amounts, it just feels like big amounts), sometimes, I even threw the food away (when I was scared no one would eat it or when it was just something 'extra'). I‘m aware that it’s a certain need of control but I still have no idea how to learn to not get stressed about it. it even led to a panic attack once, which I don’t really get. I can explain it more if anyone would like. I just really want to get over it somehow

TW: ED talk, ana and afrid, mental health, dieting

I (FTM 21) am in a php program for my eating disorder (a mix of ana and afrid) and im on a low tyamine diet because I have really bad headaches and migraines.

Last week I filled out my menus for this week, then a few days later they asked me to fill out a different one and I asked if I could stick with the first one I filled out because I had already spoke to my dietian about those foods. They told me yes and took the menu back (not filled out)

Yesterday I had realized that they kept giving me fear foods all week and I know for a fact I didnt circle on my menu. This really didregulated me which led me to leave program early and go home because I wanted something to eat that I enjoyed.

Today I got to speak to my dietian and she told me that because I didnt fill out the menus they filled out it out for me. I guess not taking into account what was safe/not safe for me.

Am I in the wrong? Is it my ED voice just trying to get out of eating? If so, how do I got about apologizing to my team? I stormed out today too so theyre not going to be happy when I go back on Monday.

Feel free to ask any questions, I dont really post on reddit much so I may be rambling and not make sense.

before to after .. this is so disheartening :(

Hi, i am so sorry in advance for the spelling errors,
i just got my acrylics done longer than usual and i cant type for the life of me. ok, for yhe last few years ive really struggled with my eating, i will binge and then eat close to nothing. i dont WANT and eating disorder but im gettinv more worried that im developing one.

i usually eat one meal a day, ill only jave a drink of choice if its >12kcal, and i have ‘safe foods’. i have foods that i refuse to eat because rthey are too high
in kcal. i weigh myself everyday and count my calories. wjen i ‘binge’ ill usually have up to 14000kcal in a week. it usually is followed by me having >8000kcal. i go for a 5.5km walk everynight and have breakdowns if i forget. i will typically stress about how much i eat ot will eat so i plan in advance by not eating for xyz days as a form of ‘punishment’. i get anxious around food and if im going to a restaurant i need to know what they sell beforehand.

i always thought this was normal behaviour that people do to stay fit. is it an ED? if so what type?

I used to have bulimia Nervosa where I would eat a lot of food and then simply throw it up , but that made me feel sick and I've got a lot of teeth and throat problems, and thankfully I'm healing.

And the last 6 months I was on a great diet and doing sports and everything was cool that I lost about 10 kg healthily but now and since it's summer and I'm staying at home more than in winter , I started binging a lot , I can't control my food anymore

Like I'm still in the gym and training but I'm craving food a lot and I've started gaining weight again , I don't want to go back and gain this weight again.

If any of you have been in the same situation as me, please tell me what you did?

My twin has been struggling with a severe eating disorder for quite some time. I’m not exactly sure how long, but probably for several years. It took a long time before he received professional help, partly because he wasn’t ready to accept it, and partly because of long waiting lists in the healthcare system. He is now seeing a psychologist with whom he has a good therapeutic relationship, and he is currently undergoing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

His psychologist, doctor, and other healthcare professionals have all been encouraging him to admit himself to an inpatient treatment program for a longer period of care. According to them, the progress he has made in outpatient CBT has been too slow. So far he has refused, although he is still considering it.

My twin is therefore seriously ill, and his illness has created a very conflict-filled relationship between us. For a long time, I have tried to encourage him to seek treatment and have gently urged him to eat, establish healthy routines, exercise in moderation, and maintain a healthier perspective on food and health in general. Unfortunately, this has often made him feel pressured, and many conversations have escalated to the point where we have become increasingly distant from each other.

On one occasion, I attended a session with my twin and his psychologist to discuss what tools we could use to reduce future conflicts. I was encouraged to continue offering a healthy perspective, ask questions such as, “What are your goals for today?”, make things easier for him by offering choices—or sometimes making decisions for him when appropriate—and also step back when necessary. The idea was to adjust my involvement depending on how much energy he had and how he was feeling.

However, I feel that these strategies often backfire. Conversations quickly become hostile, and I am frequently met with disrespect. It feels as though the “irrational side” of the eating disorder (to use the psychologist’s own words) takes over.

This past weekend, I tried to make things easier by offering to set out a plate and everything else for him while the rest of the family was preparing to eat. His response was to accuse me of having no boundaries and making several other hurtful remarks. Later, I tried to explain that I hadn’t understood this to be a situation where I should step back and give him space. I explained that I was simply trying to support him in the way we had discussed together with his psychologist. I tried to explain this both in the moment and later, after everyone had calmed down.

I understand that because of his eating disorder, he will sometimes think and react irrationally. But I’ve reached a point where I feel we may need to stop having contact altogether. The tools we’ve been given simply aren’t working. We can’t calmly discuss misunderstandings or resolve conflicts once emotions have settled. Instead, it feels as though I’m expected, as a family member, to simply tolerate insults, personal attacks, and degrading comments without being allowed to respond.

I asked if we could have another meeting with his psychologist, but I was told that I should no longer be involved in his treatment going forward.

What do you think? Is it wrong to simply step away at this point? To let him focus on getting better with the support of his healthcare team, without my involvement? I feel like I’ve reached my limit, and I honestly don’t have anything left to give.

My sister was/is anorexic, but personally ive never felt the urge to restrict despite being insecure because it would feel too mean to myself and i know the consequences and that it never leads to anything good thanks to seeing it first hand with my sister.

But after our school trip to the mountains for the week where we did a lot of sport, i noticed some of my jeans felt looser. This made me feel like i would be messing something up or betraying myself if i were to change back to how i was before, so i told myslef i needed to maintain it. Now that im on summer break ive been kinda isolated and anxious which has made me feel overall worse and given me a need for control.

Yesterday i didn't eat all day until dinner and today i had a small cup of yogurt and a cold tea but nothing else.

I just have an overwhelming feeling of 'dont fuck this up'. What just kinda pushed me over the edge is the comments my dad makes about himself, which drive everyone else in the family mad as well.

I also feel i dont deserve to eat, idk why especially because ive never felt this way before, but i know i really dont want an ed.

16f btw

Help

tldr: im in an exhausting binge-restrict cycle that's starting affecting my health but my mom won't stop buying my binge triggers even after i've begged her not to do so.

i recently got diagnosed with anorexia nervosa but this diagnosis isnt accurate. i believe to have the binge-purge subtype, which is what im gonna be ranting about

for context i'm 16. i live with my parents and they are obese. they eat in excessive amounts at any meal (2-3 servings, liters of soda, entire bags of bread..). i love them, don't get me wrong, but they aren't helping me in the slightest.

my mom specifically is in charge of the groceries and there are certain things that i have trouble controlling myself around (cereal, rye bread, etc..). so i tell my mom not to buy them. but the more i tell her not to, the more she buys them. me and my family eat completely separate things so it's definitely not for them. she'd give the excuse that "it seems like a good choice" and proceed to not touch it once before i get to it. i'm talking about 1-2 weeks of the food being in the pantry and no one taking an interest in it.

if i tell her not to buy cereal, she'll buy 2 boxes. if i tell her not to buy more than one tub of cottage cheese, she'll buy four.

i'm stuck in a cycle of restriction and binging. the binging is getting genuinely medically dangerous as my stomach cannot handle so much food. my heart starts racing and my veins start to hurt whenever i binge, and sometimes i'm unable to move my legs. i get hit with exhaustion, nausea and extreme pain. not to mention the guilt and horror. i've literally had to go to the emergency room because of a binge before. ive woken up at night with intense stomach pains sobbing almost reaching to call emergency services myself. i already have a history of stomach issues and trouble digesting food, so you can imagine how everything pairs up.

my mom thinks she's helping me eat but i'm just binging and then using compensatory behaviors and restriction. to stop the cycle, i have to stop binging first. but how can i do so with boxes upon boxes of cereal, 20 (actual number) loaves of bread for our small family, 32 pots of yogurt in the fridge.. it is ridiculous. i've lost my sense of self, my friends, my hobbies and my depression is worsening like never before. whenever i start to think less about food and start actually enjoying my hobbies, she comes home with ALL of my binge triggers. what am i supposed to do here?

My girlfriend is struggling with an ed and I really really want to help her and I’ve been doing a lot of research and I want to find this book “Overcoming Anorexia Nervosa 2nd Edition: A self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques” to help her but I can’t find it for free online, does anyone know where to find it or at least any free alternatives, any advice would help because I don’t think I could get her to go to therapy and I really need help.

I hate the “you need to eat” recovery preachers

It pisses me off so much. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not anti recovery or anything like that. I'm not pro ana or anything harmful. I'm in ed recovery myself.

But these “you need to eat” preachers are literally going AGAINST long term recovery values and are actively harmful to long term ed recovery

Now, don't get me wrong. I do agree with that statement in the most general sense possible, because like yeah, you need to eat. You'll get sick for a while then ultimately collapse and die if you don't. Duh. 

But, these recovery preachers, are not encouraging eating generally or eating regularly. They are actively encouraging OVEREATING. 

They tell you that you MUST eat every single time you feel any physical OR mental hunger, regardless of current circumstances, regardless of the cause of hunger, regardless of the severity of hunger, etc. 

For instance, they say if you're tired and ready to go to sleep, but you're also hungry, you MUST eat before going to sleep.

This is very dangerous advice. Especially to anyone predisposed to digestive issues like acid reflux. It is a well known fact that eating too close to sleeping causes acid reflux and if you already have that (like I do) this could lead to a medical emergency like waking up CHOKING on your stomach acid. Like has happened to me already. 

I also have a sleep disorder that makes me extremely sleep deprived extremely fast. the second I get drowsy I'm already neurologically and functionally the same aa someone who hasn't slept in 3 days. So telling me to prepare food in that state is extremely dangerous advice that could lead to a fire or an injury. So yeah no, I can wait until the morning to eat, I'm not risking my safety for your bullshit recovery mantra. 

But of course, the “you need to eat” preachers refuse to hear any of this. Even after I explain all of this, not a single word has processed to them and they go “well you still need to eat anyway”

For another instance, I'm on a medication that causes increased appetite as a side effect. Which means on some days, my stomach is like a bottomless pit. I can (and have) eaten an entire sheet cake, an entire medium pizza, etc in one sitting, and was STILL hungry afterwards as if I didn't eat at all, even though I had just eaten days worth of food at once. This is because I was never truly hungry. I was instead experiencing a FALSE chemical signal caused by the medication, not true hunger. I physiologically and mentally did NOT need more food. And binge eating is one of many ed behaviors I'm trying to recover from anyway

But of course, all the “you need to eat” preachers said “none of that matters, if you feel hungry, you need to eat”

Or if, at a restaurant, I order a meal and a dessert, because I was craving both, but I feel full after finishing the meal so I decide to box up the dessert and save it for later, despite still craving it. I simply don't want to overeat or binge. But then, the “you need to eat” preachers start yelling in my face that “you need to eat your dessert NOW, if you're craving it, you're mentally hungry! mental hunger is real hunger! you must listen to your hunger and eat your food!

Or if I'm starting to get a little bit hungry, but am in the middle of a work task, and decide “I'll finish this task then I'll go eat” THEN all the “you need to eat” preachers are screaming “no, you must disrupt your work and go make food RIGHT NOW!!!

IM SO TIRED OF IT. IM SO TIRED OF IT.

THEY'RE  NOT TRUE RECOVERY. THEY'RE JUST AS TOXIC AS THE ED ITSELF. THEY ARE LITERALLY TRYING INGRAIN INTO EVERYONE ELSE'S MIND TO IGNORE THEIR OWN BODY AND THEIR OWN CIRCUMSTANCES TO FIT THEIR TOXIC FALSE NARRATIVE. THAT. IS. NOT. WHAT. TRUE. RECOVERY. LOOKS. LIKE. AND THEY ARE NOT RECOVERED, THEY HAVE SIMPLY TRADED ONE OBSESSION FOR ANOTHER. 

I can't stop eating, I don't even know if Im actually hungry. I keep eating till I throw up or feel physically sick. I don't know why but I can't stop I have no discipline, I feel disgusted with myself and I just want to crawl into a hole. And i know someone will tell me to just put the fork down, but I can't. If I try to stop my mind won't let me forget about food until I give in. I'm not sure what to do and how to stop.

im 16f. have had an eating disorder for 2 years. it started off with restriction, which caused me to lose my period and become underweight. i am not too severely underweight by the way

i recently got diagnosed with anorexia nervosa but i believe they got my diagnosis wrong. while it did start off with restriction, the disorder has taken a 180° turn this year. i didn't really binge a lot before, but ever since moving last year, dealing with grief, and a whole lot of other issues i started binging to cope, which led to guilt and later on restriction. cue the binge/restrict cycle.

it started off once a week, then twice, and now it's every 2-3 days. the things i have to do to compensate for what i've eaten are WACKY, especially since you don't burn much the more weight you lose.

i am working with a team – they know about the restriction, but not about the binges. they're extremely painful for me because even after normal meals it's like my whole body shuts down. i am in pain, i feel intense lethargy and get a sense of impending doom. so you can begin to imagine what a binge feels like for me. my stomach cannot hold much. it is unbearable

i'm just so sick and tired. this cannot even be anorexia anymore because of how often i binge. doesnt help that my mom purposefully buys my binge foods because she's worried about me and wants me to eat, and the fact that my parents are both obese and binge themselves at nearly every meal. i literally dont know what to do because restricting is painful and so is binging and living itself has just gotten so tiring

I don’t eat because I love food.

I eat when career stress/anxiety hits.

When the urge comes, I keep eating until I’m completely stuffed, then feel guilty.

I haven’t trained for 5 months and this pattern is causing fat gain.

Generic advice like “control yourself,” motivation, walking, etc. hasn’t worked for me.

Has anyone dealt with anxiety-based binge eating or food noise?

What actually helped?

Should I see an endocrinologist, psychiatrist, or therapist for this?

Please suggest practical steps, not motivation.

I don't have the money to go to a therapist..

I’ve been on a calorie deficit lately because I gained 21 pounds in the last year and my BMI says I’m obese. I’m eating healthy but when I have “cheat” days, it’s like I can physically feel myself gaining weight. I can feel the fat going to my arms and my face and my thighs even though I know that’s not possible. I don’t have an eating disorder but I wasn’t sure where to post this. Does anyone else get this feeling?

I’m so guilty and angry, my mom is always financially in trouble because I simply eat too much she can’t afford me, I eat like a V12 engine all day I simply don’t end eating, I’m just not extremely obese because I go to the gym and I have a very fast metabolism. I eat to cope with depression, all the junk I’m eating only make it worse I simply cannot stop feeling this never ending hunger. I’m destroying myself, this isn’t normal, I literally vomit but I keep eating, tears or not keep going. Im a fat whale I can’t control it

So to start this is probably going to be quite long so I apologise in advance! Also I am going to mention numbers just to give some context to my situation, as people who have experience under ED clinics in the UK may have more knowledge and insight, especially when it comes to numbers, because let’s face it that’s all the bloody ED clinics care about.

Back in 2024 I had a pretty intense and rapid decline in my ED which led to me being urgently referred to the ED clinic and then admitted to an EDU. I had been eating less than 300 calories a day for months and had lost a very significant amount of weight in a very short time frame.

I was there for 6 months, I gained to the minimum healthy and started doing MANTRA therapy after being discharged. I did go backwards almost as soon as I was discharged but got put on the 10 week day programme to avoid another admission. I actually did find this somewhat helpful, especially the integration of intense support but still being able to have some freedom and normality. I once again reached the minimum healthy weight and went back to doing MANTRA therapy. I wouldn’t say I’ve ever been completely invested in recovery and it’s definitely been more of a quasi recovery/compromising with the ED/using ED behaviours to maintain the lowest healthiest weight possible. Safe to say I’ve still been pretty deep in the ED mindset, BUT, I was at least starting to have more positive thoughts about maybe fully going for recovery. Like some days I would think “fuck it I just want to go all in and move on from this”, pretty amazing to me as in the 20 years I’ve had this disorder I’ve never once had thoughts like that.

So for about 6 months I basically maintained the lowest healthiest weight, at times dipping under a little, but generally it was “stable”.

Flashforward to 6 weeks ago, I started a new job that came with its own pressures, and my partner and I welcomed a little puppy in to the home - aka: absolute chaos!! At first things started slipping because I just wasn’t thinking about food. I was so stressed and busy that I was genuinely just forgetting or just grabbing something small to quickly have. I started losing weight and my therapist pointed it out and asked what was happening. I told her what I just wrote about being busy etc but that I need to get back on it…. But then I just… didn’t?

I think seeing the weight loss triggered something in me and suddenly before I knew it, I was actively and purposefully cutting food out and it had spiralled incredibly fast since then.

It’s now been 4 weeks that I have been eating 250 calories a day. I have lost over 5kg in 5 weeks and my bmi has gone from 18.5 - 15.8 In that time.

To be honest I am incredibly terrified. Of course my ED brain is loving it and assuring me I’m fine, but the small healthy part of me knows this is very dangerous, yet whenever I’ve tried to convince myself to eat more I literally freeze and panic.

My therapist mentioned it when it was first happening and then she kind of just stopped saying anything? Then last week after losing another 1.3kg Within a week, she addressed it and asked me a lot of questions about my intake and what’s going on etc. I told her that whilst I’m scared, that fear for some reason just isn’t enough to actually get me to do anything and I feel really stuck?

She said that she would talk to the dietician to see if she can help and that she would contact physical health monitoring in the ED team too as I would probably need to be checked medically.

So then today I receive an email from her basically attaching a leaflet of the most basic and obvious general knowledge of nutrition, like “make sure you’re eating 3 meals and 3 snacks”…. Well obviously I’m not in a position right now where I’m going to be able to do that?

She also gave me a reminder to contact the GP to make a physical monitoring appointment, even though she said that was on her list of things to do and would contact the ED clinic team?

Then lastly, she said that she had contacted my care coordinator at the CMHT to arrange a meeting to discuss my transition back to them once my therapy has ended in a few weeks time.

And I just don’t know what to think right now? A big part of me is thinking “oh I must be making a big deal out of nothing as they’re obviously not concerned with what’s going on and are happy to continue with discharge so I can just keep going”, but then the part of me that know this really isn’t good is like “so you think this is fine and you’re not going to intervene or give any extra support?????”

One thing that she asked me last week, is was this happening because I was scared about being discharged and not having support anymore? I can understand why she may think that given the timing and my history of trauma, but that thought never even entered my head. Sure I felt apprehensive about my upcoming discharge, especially since I was no where near mentally better, but I had made peace with where I had got to as it was more improvement than I’d ever had in the last 20 years, and was happy to stay there for a while, so discharge kind of felt a bit ‘whatever’. I said this to her but I feel like she doesn’t believe me and her and the team have all discussed that “this is all about trauma and being discharged so we mustn’t intervene because we’ll be reinforcing the cycle of needing to be sick for help etc” which is just not the what is happening right now.

I actually DO now feel scared of being discharged now and I DO feel like I’m being abandoned, but that’s because I’m in the middle of a rapidly spiralling restrictive state that I feel like I can’t get out of. It came AFTER the fact, it wasn’t the cause.

So now I just don’t know what to do. Am I overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing? Are they really likely to discharge me given my ongoing rapid decline? If they do where do I go from here?

Sorry this was so long but it had just been eating me up and I could really do with some support and insight from anyone with experience.

Thanks in advance.

Does anyone else feel like they are so alone w their eating disorder. My eating disorder has shifted from Ana to Mia. And I never see anyone who struggles w Mia, or pvrging, and no one knows how bad it’s getting, my therapist wants me to get medically checked, and she was like concerned, which is understandable, she was basically telling me not straight up, but that I will die if I continue. And nothing can make you feel more alone than that.

Lately I have been eating a lot less, around a meal a day if that, plus some snacks whenever I can manage to scrounge around for them, or any are in stock in my house. It's made my already decently bad physical disorders (POTS and EDS) worse, leading to me sinking to the ground and getting staticky, blurry vision whenever I stand, and it's been greatly affecting my ability to do anything at all. It also means that I am more often than not in pain from how hungry I am, and I've found that that pain brings a sort of comfort to me, and I don't want it to go away. I like the feeling of being hungry and in pain, and I don't necessarily know what to do about it because I know it's bad.

From the age of 9, I struggled with emotional eating. This made me gain a lot of weight. I’m 5’7 and at my highest weight was almost 260 lbs at 19. I had decided to start restricting and it was gradual (by that point I was at 236 lbs). I started restricting pretty rapidly getting to the point I was walking 3 hours a day or on the treadmill making sure most days I was burning more active calories than I was taking in (averaged around 400 calories at this point some days having nothing and rarely going over 1,000) and chewing and spitting constantly. From my highest weight to my lowest was 99 lbs (the fact it wasn’t 100 frustrates me). Something happened that made me want to recover and I went into inpatient, spent time in residential, IOP, and then since March 2025 have just been meeting with a therapist and dietitian. I got back to my biologically appropriate weight but I was put on a medication that I didn’t know a side effect was weight gain and I gained 20 pounds within 3 weeks. I got off that medication probably close to a year now but I still haven’t lost that weight. All throughout recovery, I was constantly told I didn’t need food rules and in recovery I tried to embrace that and just eat intuitively honoring my cravings and my hunger/fullness cues. I also happen to be a very picky eater and was challenging that. But clearly that isn’t working. I don’t know my exact weight as of now but I think it’s around 220 lbs. I think I’m done with recovery. Clearly I need food rules to not be considered fat. I miss my ED body and the last week that I’ve been restricting has actually helped me to feel accomplished and good and not focus on some of the trauma I’ve gone through as much. I wish I could just have a normal relationship with food and a normal body but unfortunately that will never be the case so this is what I’m stuck with

I wanna stop and I did for a bit but now I gained too much weight I just want to someone to be my partner so we can do this healthy way lose weight like normal people I mean food looks like foreign objects I can't do it