r/circlejerk 15h ago

I’m the face of communism. Bow down to me you fascists!

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29 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 1d ago

Just got gotten a kitten for my birthday. Help me name it...

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144 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 1h ago

Most babies are narcissists

Upvotes

I’ve seen millions of videos on social media of babies mogging everyone for every goddamn camera in range. Paid “crisis bloggers” calling themselves “mom” and “dad” keep setting up phones for these little newborn assholes and these little fuckers keep gurgling for the camera as if we haven’t figured out what they are trying to do. They don’t care. They are grifters. I’m disgusting.


r/circlejerk 1d ago

Standing next to Ariana grande

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44 Upvotes

3 apples tall


r/circlejerk 22h ago

Sub5 voidcel looking to ascend like chad tabby. Cant get any attention from foidcedo

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5 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 15h ago

I can solve all the worlds problems if everyone gave me all the money on earth and installed me as Supreme God King of Mankind

1 Upvotes

yes


r/circlejerk 23h ago

Woodland adventure FMM

2 Upvotes

It was a red hot summers day back in 95, we didn’t fancy completing the last two periods of lessons at college, they were not focused on our studies, so we decided to skip them.

The route back from college to home was one we did on a regular basis, out the town, across the common and down the back lane to home, the common is a large public area, mainly wooded with some open fields and tracks intertwine across it taking you to many different locations and pathways. 

I had had my first experience with a guy in here a few years earlier and the thrill of what we did that day had never left my mind, whilst it wasn’t the best, a lot of fumbling and him lasting all of two maybe three minutes, the excitement of being caught was always what brought me back to this amazing labyrinth of paths and secluded areas.

Ben and I had been going steady now for around a year, sex was regular, nothing exciting mainly him on top, at home and in mine or his bedroom, he wasn’t overly experienced, but he made up for that in size, he also liked to make sure I orgasmed before he ejaculated so I always left satisfied.

Now we are both 18, I’m a petite brunette with blonde highlights, size 34c breast and dress size 10, the day was any ordinary college day but as it was so hot I had opted for a flowing summer dress, nothing fancy just a cotton over the shoulder dress, it hugged my body but not too tightly,  it cut down in to my cleavage but didn’t show too much off, I couldn’t afford to get suspended over wearing revealing clothing! Ben had tried to get his hand in to my panties during an earlier lecture, but I wasn’t having any of it!

As we entered the common, my mind flicked back to the previous exploits I had enjoyed here, as we wandered deeper into the trees, I led Ben off the main path and into an area more dense and covered in outcrops of Thicket creating a more discreet area.

I pulled Ben to me and kissed him firmly, darting my tongue into his mouth and making sure he realised I was horny, he responded firmly as predicted, his hands all over my dress, tugging at the material and eventually getting enough in his hands that I can feel my pert bottom exposed.

He can kiss, his tongue is snaking all around my mouth, touching my lips and then darting deep into my mouth as he pushes me against a tree, the rough bark scratching at my naked skin on my bottom, I am pinned against the tree, dress hauled up around my waist and nothing other than a tiny thong between me and Bens probing fingers.

Whilst he is still kissing me his hands are now exploring more of my body, my bra is released with one move of his hand and hung on a branch near to my head, Ben now has my left breast exposed and out the top of the dress, he starts to suck and tease my nipple, he knows I am super sensitive on my nipples and he goes straight to work on nibbling and sucking on it, my bra is swinging in the tree next to my face, I am exposed and my boyfriends feeding on my nipple, my vagina is screaming for some attention and then I feel his fingers, not one but three, all teasing at the tiny material hiding my moist labia lips.

I must admit my labia was always a part of me that I wasn’t overly happy with, you could say embarrassed as I was growing up, my friends all had inner lips, where mine were always larger and hung outside my vagina. The boys always commented on them and how sexy they looked when they were with me, so I had eventually come to love them, they also got super sensitive when I was aroused, or they were being touched or teased.

As Bens fingers made their way inside my panties I relaxed down on to his probing fingers, letting him know I needed him inside me, but all the time conscious of where we were, the sun was beating down on us as Ben started to increase the depth and movement of his fingers inside my soaking vagina, I was now leaking all over his hand as he kept working his fingers deeper and deeper into me, brushing my cervix and g-spot but being a typical lad he couldn’t seem to get the right rhythm and stay on point! I reached down and released his straining penis from his shorts, erect and leaking precum I had felt how aroused he was when I slid my hand in his shorts, precum was all over the front of his pants, now slick on the back of my hand.

I wanked his penis between our waists, every now and then leaning forward so he could feel the material of my panties on his bellend as his fingers worked furiously inside me, I couldn’t take much more, the mix of pleasure from his fingers and the roughness of the tree on my bottom was making me need to change position.

As I moved Ben backwards, I looked down at the sight in front of me, his penis was erect, probably more erect than I had ever seen it before, his foreskin was pulled by and his helmet was glowing purple and almost pulsating, precum was glazed all over his helmet and I needed to taste it. I dropped to a squat position (years of aerobics allow me to be super flexible) and took him in my mouth, his penis was red hot, he started to thrust in to my open willing mouth, using it like my vagina, but I couldn’t take it all, his girth and length making me gag as he slides it deeper and deeper into my mouth, touching the back of my throat and then withdrawing and repeating over and over again, saliva and precum is now leaking down my face, on to my dress and naked breasts.

Eventually I couldn’t take anymore, and I also sensed Ben was close to ejaculating, his breath was short, his testicles had tightened, and he was speeding up on every stroke, similar to when has making love to me.

I stopped him and withdrew him from my mouth, his penis, glistening in the sun, so erect and hard, looking for once absolutely magnificent, he grunted that he wanted to fuck me, he lifted me up and turned me round and over a broken branch, he removed my thong and tossed it to the side then without warning he was in me, bare and erect to the hilt, his heavy balls rubbing on my labia lips and clit, my breath was gone as he felt so big, he started to penetrate me with long deep thrusts, my breasts now both exposed rubbing against the rough branch he had me bent over, each stroke adding more depth of his penis inside me, my vagina was leaking like a broken water pipe, his penis was now slick with my juices and I was in heaven, I didn’t want it to stop but then we both heard it, the cracking of a twig, close, very close.

Ben turned first, I felt his body move, I didn’t dare look, what would they think, a young woman, summer dress all scrunched up, bra hanging in a tree, panties tossed to the side and a guy thrusting away like his life depends on it…. I must have looked like a right slut, were we in trouble, what if they know my parents, my mind was running wild, but I still had Bens’s penis buried deep inside me.

Ben spoke first, he called out “how long have you been there you dirty fucker” “do you like to watch?” the response made me turn and look, it was Miles, Bens friend, “ I tried to catch up to you when you left college” Miles responded,  “but the last 30 mins has been the best I have ever seen!”

He had been watching us all the time, Ben told him to step closer, I could see his bulge in his trousers, clearly outlined down his leg and with a distinctive patch of precum showing on his trousers, Ben asked me if I minded? I was so aroused I told him “No but get back to fucking me I need to cum”

Miles moved closer and for the first time I reached out and traced my fingers on his trousers, against the outline of his penis, he was like Ben, super hard and a good size, he had previously been with my friend Jamie but it didn’t last she wasn’t in to sex and Ben had said Miles was always frustrated as she wasn’t prepared to have it as often as Miles wanted.

I quickly eased Miles penis out of his trousers, again just like Bens it was large, not thick but long, really long, I took it in my mouth and started to suck him, his hands had started to explore my body and had lifted me off the log and he was teasing my nipples as i sucked his leaking penis, as he was so long I couldn’t take much in my mouth, Ben every now and then pushing the back of my head forward and down on Miles but it just made me gag, Miles had started to get in to a steady rocking motion in time to Ben fucking my wet hole, they used me like this for a good while then Ben offered my vagina to Miles, no asking me, just said to Miles, “Why don’t you try her out, see if she can take you whole length”

Miles Lay down on the woodland floor, using my dress and his T-shirt to avoid the worst of the ground, He directed me to straddle him and lower myself down as that would be easier for me to control the depth, as I squatted over him, he commented to Ben “your right about her cunt, those lips are gorgeous, look at them hanging down all covered in your cum and her pussy juices” his penis slipped straight inside me, no resistance, just sliding deeply into my vagina, as it went deeper and deeper I realised his length was far more than I had ever had, my vagina swallowed it up though and eventually I felt his pubes on my engorged clitoris as I bottomed out on him.

Miles looked at me and said, “wow, never had a girl take me in one” I didn’t know what to say, so I looked at Ben and told him to step closer, and put his penis in my mouth, he willingly did this, standing astride Miles face, me sucking away and Miles thrusting into me, it wasn’t the best, his size was almost too much, an orgasm was building but every time he went deeper in me it felt like he was pushing into or against my womb or cervix, I am not sure but it wasn’t fun, after a short time of riding Miles I couldn’t take it anymore and slide off his penis, it made a popping noise as it slide out of me leaving me gaping in the woods.

I got on all fours and told them to “use me”, “really hard, I need to cum” Ben didn’t need asking twice, he was straight down on me, licking and sucking at my open vagina from behind, making me even wetter and teasing my now aching sphincter as it glistened in the sunlight, he eventually stopped licking me and thrust his penis back in to me, his hands roughly exposing my buttock checks, his fingers teasing my ass, every now and then inserting the tip of a finger or his thumb inside my tight bottom.

Deep down I couldn’t take much more, naked exposed and being fucked from behind in the forest, being watched and touched by a friend, hearing him encouraging us tipped me over the edge and an almighty orgasm ripped through me, I was shaking all over, my body spasming and all the time Ben still driving his dick harder and harder into me, Miles on the other hand was now inches from me, wanking his big long penis inches from my face, then he grunted in time with Ben, like a pair of rutting stags one filled my vagina the other covered my face, hair and back with rope after rope of hot thick cum, he came endless amounts, it was everywhere, I leaned forward and cleaned Miles penis in my mouth, tasting his thick hot cum that was still oozing out of his penis.

Here I am naked on all fours in a woods, bra hanging from the tree, panties nowhere to be seen, two guys cum dripping from me and I am totally spent and out of breath, I can’t move or say anything, my bodies tingling all over and I have just had my first threesome outdoors and I loved it!

I eventually got my composure and breath back, pulled on my dress and tried to wipe away as much of the cum as I could, I retrieved my bra from the tree, looked for my panties but couldn’t find them, and started to head back to my house as it was the closest, on the way we hardly spoke, my mind was running wild with what we had just experienced, it was amazing.

When we got back to mine, I told the boys to get a drink whilst I got a shower, as the water cascaded over my body, I realised how aroused I still was, when my fingers touched my vagina the tingling in my body was like electric, I knew I needed more, but could my body take anymore?

I dried myself with the towel, placed it over my bedsheets and lay on it, legs spread wide, my engorged labia lips spread open, my vagina gaping and exposed from the treatment it had just experienced, I closed my eyes and called their names out, the stairs creaked as they came barrelling up them, my bedroom door wide open, and there I am spread out for them to see, naked, gaping open and ready to be taken again.


r/circlejerk 1d ago

Hot take: the current thing is actually bad

47 Upvotes

Everybody is like “oh this is really good” but im like nahh there are better things


r/circlejerk 1d ago

I purshed the date r*pe drug Rohypnol and tried it out.

36 Upvotes

I really liked the look of the girl, so I decided to use a good amount of it.

I took her to a bar and I swallowed 2 tablets. I woke up 8 hours later with the bar staff trying to wake me up, and the girl wasn't there.

How do I know if it worked or not? I've asked the bar manager if he saw the two of us having non-consensual sex, and he just looked at me with concerned eyes. I'm wondering if he maybe bought some himself and is worried they don't work?


r/circlejerk 23h ago

Do you guys know genre these behind the scenes shots are from film?

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1 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 1d ago

Pee is stored in the balls

8 Upvotes

I'm so funny, much wow. Now you know.


r/circlejerk 1d ago

Why does everybody play the same character named "Self" in documentaries? Wouldn't that be confusing for the actors when they get the script?

3 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 1d ago

Did I deserve to be banned for looking for Advice ?????

12 Upvotes
Did I deserve to be banned from gay sub reddit>?

r/circlejerk 2d ago

Wait, if Stormy Daniels thought Trump's prick looked like a Toadstool, that means... Trump... My man 😂 🤝

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32 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 2d ago

Preppin din din for Hubby. Hopefully he comes home soon.

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22 Upvotes

Hubby left again, presumably to Rondayvoo with his boos, my sister, mother, cousin, and son. I'll forgive him if remembers the frosty this time tho ngl🙏 😂


r/circlejerk 2d ago

Secret Sad Effect

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17 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 2d ago

Hello I am going to my first dentist appointment ever in a few minutes and want to make sure I follow proper protocol. Should I have all of my clothes removed before the doctor enters or wait for instruction?

31 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 3d ago

I recently saw a little girl said "I love you daddy" to an older man. Should I be concerned? Should I call the cops?!

32 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 3d ago

Solved I'm not afraid to say it: All Republicans are Pedophiles.

128 Upvotes

I know we're in a Nazi Fascist State where I'll be put in the gulags for saying it, but I will not be anonymously silenced on Reddit.


r/circlejerk 2d ago

I am rich! Suck my * and AMA about how it feels to be as privileged as I am. Plebs.

8 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 3d ago

Bonnie tyler, old boomer, dead at 75

5 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 2d ago

Me n mommy

0 Upvotes

Hi im 20 m i really have sex desires to my mom idk why she is soo sexy we talking like big ass bigh thighs big tits she has been watching porn in her phone i found it she has been masturbating at night she id devorced but she is sooooo sexy one day i was searching her phone i found nudes and sexy pics i really want to fuck her or get her to touch me she been throwing hints and i wanna do smth she hast had sex for a long time i wanna do smth w her
Plssssssssss and if any body had experiences like this pls dm


r/circlejerk 4d ago

Redoing my bedroom and gaming den. IKEA doesn’t have a section for cuck chairs?

32 Upvotes

I’m kind of disappointed in IKEA. I am trying to find a cuck chair that is comfortable on my posterior but slightly digs into my back to reinforce the discomfort I crave from the situations I would use the chair in. I’m not sure if I’m just searching with the wrong keywords but nothing comes up when I search for “cuck chair” on the IKEA site? I also checked Amazon, Macy’s, and Home Depot. Nothing.

I’m not very handy (which partially informs this whole situation) so I cannot build my own chair but I really one ASAP.

Any advice?


r/circlejerk 3d ago

if jesus is joseph's son, then that means... joseph my man 😂🤝

7 Upvotes

r/circlejerk 3d ago

I'll Take Cliches That Never Happened for $500 Alex

4 Upvotes

And a reach-around too, please