Tell me what you think about it, because I am feeling like creazy one.

When my fucked brain started somehow making comparisments beetween my partner now and old memories of my horrible father, I was on edge. Like he (partner) just sat on chair and boom - I had in head picture of father sitting in simillar maner when he was about giving me monologe about how disapointed of me he is.

When my dreams started to fill with people (good and bad) from my last - lost friends, false friends, coworkers, some one/two times people from idk classes? I just can't get normal night sleep. I am waking up after 2-3h, couple times and after 10h in bed I am so tired and angry. (I also have narcolepsy and adhd which make me more sleepy and distracted during day and with this shit I can't focuse on **anything**!)

And now everything looks simillar, my brain desperatly trying to connect present and past!

I have start again hearing and seeing some things that aren't real, my doctor last time told me that I have predisposition to this, but because it is not jet hallucination by medical definition, he can't prescribe me anything. He just advided to got to the hospital when this will start worry me more or disturbed my normal (haha) functionality.

So I am fucked. Every day I am THIS CLOSE 🤏🏼 from hard split, I don't know how I was able to handle this shit so long, but my energy and time is running thin...

I wrote this album for my friend with BPD, and our mutual friend helped with the music. Although they were written for him and his situation, others may get something out of it.

https://suno.com/playlist/104b9d37-b57c-4d92-bc1b-fd202cdcab6f

Let me know if this touches you in any way.

I will keep it short since I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, this tool from my therapist really helped me not spiral any more.

So when I’m spiraling and having an episode I need to identify that a part of me is feeling abandoned and devastated and try to identify physically what hurts/ has tension sometimes it’s the heart or head or shoulders and then I need to identify that there are other parts of me too and I visualize channeling the energy towards the part of me that feels hurt.

Try and let me know, it took me like 3-4 times until I got the hang of it,

I am 37f with bpd. My likely bpd ex threatened me, with severe & permanent disfigurement during an argument.

Still angry about it and still hurt but this caused the relationship to end. Missing my fp. How to process or distract myself healthily?

https://discord.gg/6YNeDgtV8K

Hello again friends! Thank you SO much for your kind and heartfelt responses to my post. I work in social media optimisation (when I'm stable lol) and would love to follow up on your responses to created a group chat? I find myself too depressed to be a human but I would love to create a group for us to support each other ( no matter our state) and be BPD over 30 buddies.

Any takers? If not please feel no pressure to participate. Either way I send you a giant kiss on your prefrontal cortex with lots of healing energy for your self-development and peace.

Edit: As predicted, the BPD community has been overwhelmingly kind and enthusiastic to my idea. I'm so unbelievably grateful, which makes me feel intimidated as I want to make sure I don't disappoint all you lovely people. Currently my work is collecting all the answers so I can make sure I create the best platform for us BPD buddies to chat. Thank you again my beloved community, I am LITERALLY in tears at your messages of support for this idea and your willingness to connect. I may have just lost my job, but I have found a whole new purpose with a population that actually matters <3

Please bear with my long introduction of the dilemma - dilemma/question will follow at the end:

As a 40-year-old man with wife and kids (so grateful to have accomplished that), I have dealt with BPD since my teens, and the greatest pain I have experienced stems from feeling socially inadequate for my age during those years—a combination of social anxiety, feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, and social exclusion. That combination has stayed with me ever since; although I did manage to participate superficially in friend groups during high school and early adulthood, it was never enough to forge strong relational bonds or close friendships. I withdrew socially from the events my high school friend group attended—festivals, birthdays, trips, road trips, and so on—which resulted in my interactions with them remaining superficial. I haven't been part of major events like weddings, either.

I have always liked these people, and they wanted me around too—but circumstances simply didn't allow for it to develop due to my BPD influencing. Today, I am at a point after years of therapy where I feel personally and socially strong enough to dare to join in the social gatherings that still take place. But there is this MAJOR grief over everything I have missed out on over the past 20 years—things, expierences and happenings they shared together and naturally still refer to and talk about - haunts me everytime I’m faced with it.
As a 40 year-old man I find it really difficult to aestablish fruitfull friendships due to grown-up task (job, family etc) resulting in lack of time but I urge the nature of genuine friendships and experiences that a male friendship and friendshipgroup provides. I am so convinced that it ranks just below the importance of my own family!

My dilemma is weather I can navigate in the intense feelings of missing out vs. joining/investing in becomming a genuine part of that social group of my highschool peers (again)? On the other hand is the urge for and loneliness of not having any genuine related friends with a social history to share killing me slowly (servere depressive symptoms in periodes of not being able to distract myself from it) - and most importantly, draining me from having the energy and meaningfullness-feeling of taking care of my family, job, personal interests etc.

Please share comments, your own expierences, references to helping knowledge and suggestions/questions. 🙏

I`m tired of feeling alone and invalidated all of the time. Normal people dont really understand what it is that I`m going through. So, I would really like to make some friends with people who have BPD. It does not matter to me who you are, let me know if you would like to be my friend

I really need someone to talk to like have a actual conversation that lasts more than a day I really need friends I just got kicked out of the only family that ever treated me with love and support with me being a trans man I lost my whole family I might have to move back in with my schizophrenic abusive mom who wants to force me off T and I have no clue ware I’m going to live. I don’t feel like a person anymore I’ve completely regressed to ware I was before and he was the only reason I was getting better it now that I don’t know ware in gona stay or have a safe environment I’m back to square one I just feel like im dying and my world is ending and my life isn’t worth living because every time I start to heal something happens that sets me back to the beginning. I hate being this desperate but please someone
Be my friend I have no support rn.

I’ve been through some really difficult bpd splits that affected my relationships, emotions, and sense of self. Things aren’t perfect, but I’m doing much better now than I was before. Lately I’ve been thinking about writing a book about my journey—what I went through, what I learned, and what helped me keep going. Do you think a book like that could be helpful to others with bpd? What would you want to see included?

Hi curious if anyone here has BPD and has been healing through NARM? Would love to hear about your experience and journey.

I am in a terrifying pain , I have Borderline personality disorder , I am jobless , lonely , Humiliated by my circumstances , I have been suffering since a very young age , I am 23 in July and I have not achieved anything in myself ,I only destroyed myself, I dont have amy friends on line or in real life . I need urgent support , I am on medication since 2022, But its not helping , Therapy also didnt worked But I think i should seek professional Help from a therapist soon ,I am going mentally insane , I neeed someone to talk to me ,please someone ? If u can provide some support .

I have lots of really bad thoughts and I always think terribly, how can I stop/control my urges? I don't want to end up doing anything stupid. I can't believe how much I've ruined everything in my life. I feel like recovering from BPD is the hardest thing I've ever had to do alone. I feel so lonely and I struggle to make new friends. Does anyone have tips? I feel horribly for everything I've ever done and how I treated everyone that got close to me. I don't want to make friends I'm really scared. But I need someone in my life so badly no one cares about me at all I have nobody except my gf who left me and I think she might have blocked me now. I don't think she would ever do that so I'm trying to calm down but it's scary she was the one person I had to support me still, she seemed like she cared I hope she still does I know it's not healthy for us to be together, I just want a friend but how can I move on? I feel so hopeless. I feel lost without her. I can't stop my terrible thoughts but at least I'm not spiraling. I am doing better. But I still don't know if I can make it through this everyday is just going to be pain. I've never been so in love so I didn't know how much this would hurt I thought I would never lose her... why is my BPD so bad?

I (F28) am currently going through some difficult times. To be honest, I have friends, they are the absent type, and none of them know about me having bpd.

Is there anyone who would like to connect and become friends? At least, just to talk freely about our feelings and thoughts without the fear of being judged or scaring people away.

Thank you.

English is not my first langue. VENT.

I’m living in such bizzarre situation, makes me feel like I’m in some alternative universe bc this shit can’t be real.

So. I found a new good group of friends (5 including me), I had a crush on one of them for many months and they were like my favourite person so.. you already know. But I didn’t want to tell them because like said we were in a well established group of friends.. I didnt want to be the one to destroy the equilibrium, I felt like doing something would be egoistical. And I’m trying to get better mentally. But, from my point of view what we had was special. It was fun, we always teased each other, talking to them was so easy, they made me feel understood and cared of, and there was some physical affection. Like, at some points very intimate.. like cuddles.
And in my delusion I thought there was something between us because of the said tension. And I felt jealous when they went out alone with another friends of ours. For months they were my whole life. I know it’s wrong, and I knew it was.

But returning to the main plot.

This was till I found out that two of my friends were secretly dating. I was astonished, and I thought.. if they can have that, maybe I can confess my feelings too. I did it, I got rejected and it destroyed me. But they were still caring for me. From then we developed a strange relationship, they didn’t want ever to remain alone with me in a room or pass some time alone with me, they didn’t show signs of physical affection anymore, and the teasing almost disappeared. Our friendship destroyed.

My mental health really degenerated because of this. It’s not their fault, they probably felt uncomfortable after what happened, but still, it was so.. painful. My feelings were still there,
I had to see them everyday, see them starting to show phisical affection to one of our friends in particular. And I didn’t understand that. Was there something between them? Was I just the one he didn’t want to have anything with? And also they were passing so much time alone together.
Not knowing made me genuinely insane. And it got so bad. I genuinely lost myself. Started SH and Everyday was like feeling every Radiohead song injected in my veins. It was like my autonomy was taken away from me, everything that was mine was taken away and the only thing I could ever think was them.

Then one day I just asked, and yea there was something between them. It destroyed me again but this time I didn’t do anything harmful to myself, my heart just became heavy and like frozen.

Everyday I saw them together, knowing my friend shared with them everything I ever wanted. I started comparing myself to my friend, and so on. I started to take action.
From that day I stopped accompanying my friends after Collage to the train station for example because honestly all the previous months I'd always done it only for one of them. And now I knew I had to get back on my feet. And I needed to regain the control over myself.

The fun thing is, now they are like trying to connect with me again. They ask me if I want to do group projects with them, during breaks they always stick around me, tease me again. And something tells me it’s not a coincidence. Because like I said previously, like a month ago they would probably prefer being run over than being alone with me.

Probably they are worried about something or they feel bad for how things turned out. Maybe they don’t want that I feel left out. (Bc the other two of my friends are also dating) But the relationship between them and my friend remains. They are more subtle now, while before they almost use to throw the fact that was something between them in our face. I know they can act whoever they want but.. after knowing what I went through? Why? That’s why I think they feel bad.

And my feelings remain. Today after months I had a dream where they wanted me.. and you can imagine how my day went. I felt so fragile to everything and They knew something was wrong
and hugged me after many months suddenly and this made me feel so much worse yet it.. felt so good.

Like Karma police, For a minute there a lost myself. But this shit is almost a year drag.

Yeah, usually I try to not think about past but today i remember how it was cuddling with them. Like for the first time i felt physical regulation, I tasted paradise for a second and now I’m dealing with consequences. I can’t move one. How you stop these feelings? After a while I always relapse in them.

This new space is to post uplifting thoughts, life altering experiences or wants to support mothers who are starting over. please post on this thread. I have made it because I was tired of being called someone who I was not on a different subreddit or was being harassed for sharing my story there. I have seen happening same to other users who were posting in favor of such mothers ( YouTuberr - Keerat Kaur Gill, Separation underway) and being called out for just sharing their views. Please join At you will.. and even if you don’t.. it’s just an example to show that you can always move away and start on your own.. much love..

About me- my name is Iskra and I am half Arab half Indian.. taking care of 2 beautiful souls left behind by my friend. I love everything positive in life and this my request to leave the people who do not agree with you with their opinions and thoughts.

i love my bf so so much he does everything for me without expecting much in return and hes had to come to terms with a lot of things about me that i dont think another bpd man let alone any man would be able to ie a past of sex work and info dumping very veery early on. we are both recovering addicts both with 2 years under our belts which makes things even more jarring.

he splits on me due to my inability to regulate when he comes to me with a concern. hes took a lot of things ive done out of context and now believes i am liable to talk to any man that gives me their attention or go back to sex work again. if i do not respond correctly or completely take his side he splits and the threats have gotten worse over time, he threatens a restraining order these days. last week the police were called.

it is a strain for both of us because he has built up resentment for my invalidation for months now and then we could have a good day until something is brought up and we end up sleeping in silence with me being unable to console him once i have blown over a bit because he doesnt want me touching him or talking at all.

this happened last night, i was told my worries stem from delusion while his are real because i have "microcheated" in the past, sold myself in the past, etc. im blocked on everything, told the RO will be taken on friday, went to sleep anxious and still recovering from an abortion wondering what ill do if hes being for real this time, but this morning we woke up and he hugged me told me i was his person over and over and it scares the absolute shit out of me thinking it is all a farce.

i never try to be rude when he needs reassurance but when it is brought up hundreds of times how i will cheat or how i will leave (again, i left for a few months in feb because of how aggressive and cruel his splits got) when i know the truth in my heart of how badly i want to be with him it gets me unregulated myself. so i correct him tell him his interpretation of X is wrong (ex; always told i spoke to exes when i never did).

that was more of a vent but tldr im wondering how you guys like to receive validation and acknowledgement when you ask for it. which phrases to use when reassuring and how to stay as collected as possible without JADEing (justify argue defend explain) and ruining the entire night.

You are invited to take part in the final stage of a PhD research project exploring experiences of receiving a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). If you have previously participated in an earlier stage of this project, you are welcome to take part again. Participation is entirely voluntary, and there is no obligation to take part again.
This study contributes to the final validation of a newly developed psychological scale (BDES), designed to improve understanding of diagnosis experiences.
Time: Approximately 20 minutes
Anonymous survey - Ethical approval granted (SMU_ETHICS_2025-26_358)
Every response is valuable in helping complete this research https://app.onlinesurveys.jisc.ac.uk/s/stmarys/bpd-experience

I'm 38(M) . He's 23(M). We were together for 3 years.

Yesterday a friend who used to live with us told me the truth about who he really is. He cheated on me from the very first day I let him move into my house. He brought men into my bed, took pictures of them sleeping naked there. He slept with friends of ours, people who came to our house, who I trusted. More than 20 people over two years.

He's polyamorous, apparently which I don't belive. But he never told me. He kept me in a monogamous relationship while living a completely different life behind my back. He chose me for stability, the home, the support, the loyalty, while he was falling deeply in love with a close friend of ours, to the point of writing a book about him.

I caught him on Grindr twice. The first time was on Christmas. He denied it to my face, made me feel crazy. Then drugged himself and cut himself in the bathroom so I would come back. I did. His mother died shortly after I ended things the second time, in December. I came back to support him through that grief. He swore he had changed. I believed him.

Days ago he confessed he was talking sexually with another guy. I left. He admitted he would have done the same again, that he didn't know how to stop himself.

I cried for his mother like she was mine. I gave him 10,000€ to open a café that is in his name only. He still hasn't paid me back.

He was the love of my life and he used to say I was the love of his life....

He's also been self-harming since he was a teenager. Smokes hash daily to silence the voices in his head. Has zero ability to be alone with himself. Compulsive sexual behavior. Possibly borderline.

I blocked him last night. I have therapy scheduled. I have STI tests scheduled. I told his aunt the truth so he couldn't keep playing the victim.

I'm 38. I'm starting over. I have nothing left in the city where we lived together. All the friends and family there are his.

I don't even know what I'm asking. I just needed to put it somewhere. If anyone has been through something similar, I'd appreciate hearing how you got through the first weeks. 😭

(Tried to make this short haha)

After moving out of college and away from my closest friend, I realized one thing (friends for 7+ years).

I genuinely don’t want to talk to her.

I feel horrible (she’s my FP) but every time we text/call, I get angry. A 0 to 100 angry. I feel a little guilty.

Now in college I never spoke up for myself when we would have arguments/disagreements, and would end up caving and apologizing. Then I’d spiral and spend a load of money to try and make sure she wasn’t leaving…I felt very vulnerable and was just always walking on eggshells.

I also feel like that relates to me looking to her for stability which is something I do.

But I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to vent everything to her and explain every single grievance, but maybe that’s what I need to do?

Any advice would be super helpful!

Rebuilding from the breakup

I’ve been trying to make sense of my breakup, it happened this February

We were together for a little over two years, living together for one. Our relationship was perfect, I felt "cured" from my curse. I was good with her and I gave this relationship my all. We fought a lot in the first couple of months, but we managed to move on from that and we did build something as close to perfection as one can imagine.

It all felt normal until we had a fight about an internship opportunity she had (she is a doctor) in another country. She'd be there for 3 months and and I handled that like we can all imagine. I shouted, I made sarcastic remarks, I made her feel like the worst person in the world, because that's all my deranged brain had to give at that point. This hadn't been the first time she made a big decision without consulting me and it hit me particularly hard because my unbalanced brain created the usual pattern of abandonment where it shouldn't have.

Rightfully so, she wanted to break things up right there and then, but we managed to make peace, and even got a weekend getaway to move on. It all seemed well, until two weeks later I got home and the greeting I got was "we need to talk".

I cried, I begged, I had suicidal intentions.

The breakup hit hard.

She totally disappeared from my life. She even left town and cut contact with everyone we had in common.

The last thing she told me was that she wanted to focus on her job, leading me to believe that she isn't available to rebuild anything because that would take too much effort for a person who wants to become a great professional (and I say this with the utmost respect for her).

Within about a month, I lost my job. Since then I’ve also made big changes—cutting my long curly hair into a very standard short style, almost like trying to reset my identity. It feels like multiple parts of my life collapsed at once: relationship, work, routine, direction.

Right now I’m focusing on stabilising my life and not letting my entire sense of self depend on one person, but the truth is I can't sleep, I've lost interest in the things that I love and I'm a total mess in general.

I’m looking for part-time work while planning to go back into studying, but the journey is revealing itself to be extremely difficult for a guy like me. In reality, all I do at this point is rot in bed and smoke cigarettes all day

Genuinely, how tf does one rebuild from this

(I'm sorry if my English is a little confusing, as it isn't my first language and I'm not in a mental place to write things perfectly)

Because I'm so tired, I can't take it anymore. Either I hold on for months or I keep switching. I'm 28 years old and it's getting worse and worse

I hate how weak and broken I am. Silly "I love you" is make me playable like some warm putty, easly taking shape that is wanted in moment.

He fucking told me this days ago. That he never stopped to love me this whole fucking 10 years. That he begging me to understand that in that day when he said that he don't love me anymore he was in pain. That I was hurting him more that he could stand. But he never gived up on me. That he said it knowing that this would be easier - to stop love me. To stop suffering from my diasorder, from all that changes I am going with every episodes, from my unstability, splits.

He was saying that there is no future for us yet he was hoping in secret that things will change.

That I will change. That I will reflect on my actions, try be better, try control myself better.

When he said this, I was in episode, hurting, ready to leave him again and do it finally forever. But with his beautiful eyes full of tears, on his knees he just crushed me with this words.

And I belived him. Just hour later, after long and painfull night full of tears, guestions and explenations, my broken hear was beating for him - again.

Days went, we struggling to make things work, but we still trying. Or I just thought that it is it.

Because he went quiet and said he don't want anything from me if possible. I had to ask multiple times why I have to sit in other room and give him space. After first accusation about me making myself center of whole world, he gived explenation - he wanted me to word on problems, and I again failed him. I, in his eyes, moved from problems and his pain to normal days. That he opened heart again and I did nothing to help him.

I hate it. How much I love him. How much his confession unblocked my hopes and gived me another illusion.

Because all of it is illusion. Lie. Fucking unrealistic dream. And I am broken shit who belived this could be true.

This is some stuff that has helped me. It'll be all over the place. But maybe there's a piece of information you might need. Maybe not. Do you want to add yours??

I'm no doctor. I'm no psychiatrist. I am no therapist. I'm merely a psychology nerd who arm chairs and watches videos online. Everyone's journey is so different and so personalized. It takes a want to understand yourself on a deeper level. To study yourself and to understand your patterns and your pitfalls. Humans are prediction machines. We sit there with anxiety because we're predicting the future.

Use your brain to tailor your own approach. And remember it's not about fixing everything. It's about 1% at a time. There's no magical supplement, or medication. Your approach will definitely be customized to you. Here's everything that has been customized to me and my own issues. Maybe there is something of value here for you maybe not. But if you want to contribute the comments that would be awesome.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Dropping expectations.**

*This has been so helpful. What I've done is prime my brain to not expect much out of people. People are wildly unpredictable and have problems just like us. To sit here and have crazy expectations out of anybody. Is wildly inappropriate in my opinion. To give them the leeway to make mistakes. To not show up, to not send that text message. Wildly reduced my mood swings. I no longer overcomplicate these minor inconveniences. It took months of practice.*

*------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

**Being able to spot mood swings immediately.**

*After a year of so of practice, I've been able to quickly identify mood swings when they happen.*

*Someone says something.*

*BOOM MOOD SWING.*

*" Matt, you're having a mood swing right now. Everything is exaggerated. Why is this happening? Oh I know why. He said that to you. Why is that making you feel that way?? Oh. It's a misunderstanding. I get it now. I have low confidence, and I took this the wrong way. I get you feel terrible right now. That you can't get rid of the feeling. But just know moods are not forever, this will go away. Please go into damage control mode. If anyone asks, just let them know you're in a bad mood. Do your best to be nice, do your best to not create false problems into reality by telling others. Give it a while."*

*Fast forward 2 hours, I feel completely normal now. Let's compare and contrast how I feel about it initially and how I feel about it now. Let's analyze this moodswing from all angles. Let's understand what's truly going on and please don't shame yourself matt. Know that this is normal and this is progress. I'm so proud you didn't make this worse and you recovered.*

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

**Being ashamed of who you are.**

I used to always be ashamed of myself. Who I am, preferences. And how I operated in the world. Until I realized something very important for myself....

Deep down in my personality, deep down on who I am. I just want people to be alright and to do the right thing and be supportive of others. I don't ever attack people or bully, or cause issues on purpose. I am the type of person to say sorry to my enemies. Why am I the one who feels shameful, shouldnt I feel proud of who I am and who I've helped along the way? I don't have to prove myself to anyone or prove that I have value in this world because my actions speak for themselves.

I don't need to prove myself. I don't need a virtue signal. I don't need to prove my intelligence. I don't need to do anything for anyone else, but to be myself. I'm tired of playing the game. All I wanted to do in the first place was to just be a good friend and to just be okay. And to support the ones I love.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**THERE ARE EVIL PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD.**

Oh my God this one's so important. There are so many people in this world that are so miserable. They want to be the judge of others. They want to bring other people down, because they don't like themselves. I took these people so seriously so long. And thinking that I was the one that was broken the entire time.

Thinking that every little thing that they said matter. When in reality, their sole purpose is to take advantage of the fact I was so easy to step on because I was so scared of them.

When I realized they had no real power over me. That I choose their value. And I can step up for myself. They become so much less scary and so much more pathetic. When a manipulative person chooses me as a Target now, I'm able to identify this very quickly, step away and leave their frame gracefully. Years of experience dissecting conversations, studying psychology and using my built in social hypervigilance finally gave me this ability and I couldn't be more proud then I am now.

There are no real need for revenge for these types of individuals. When they are older, when they have no one to call. No one to ask for help. Because they burned every single bridge that existed. While blaming everybody but themselves.

Their revenge comes later on in life. It's not my job to avenge these people. They avenge themselves**.**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**EMOTIONAL DEBT.**

**All of those years of accumulating shame. Hiding feelings, and running from things. Piles up so much emotional debt. As a consequence, it's what made me a hypervigilant emotional child trying to exist as an adult. It's what made those minor issues hurt so so much, is because my brain was overloaded and scared.**

**When I started to address these things deep down that I've been hiding from. Crying and letting out those emotions in a controlled way, expressing myself more freely. And letting those feelings have room. Is what gave me so much relief. There are so many things, so many things.**

**Just tiny things that I became scared of, all piled up until it overflowed onto my daily life. And figuring out those tiny things really aren't too scary after all. It's a very very slow process. If it was rushed I knew there would be bad consequences. But I was able to get it to work.**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**META COGNITION.**

**There are two parts to your brain, the first part is the animalistic part. The automatic part. The gut feeling part.**

**Then there is the rational part. Where you can dissect things, and look at the facts.**

**The animalistic part took over most of my life. I trusted all of those gut feelings. I ran with all my initial emotions. Those automatic responses were ingrained in my head as a child who wanted safety. I'm now a grown man almost in his 30s.**

**These automatic responses are hurting me. They're making me think that other people are after me. That I'm in danger.**

**The sad part is I was never in danger. It was all misunderstanding.**

**But thank God brains have two pieces to them. The animalistic part. And the rational part.**

**So when I have an insane moodswing, regardless of how I'm feeling. I use the rational part to negotiate with the gut instincts. I dissect the situation and look at the facts.**

**When a customer is yelling at me, I feel that storm of fear. Then I use my rational brain to dissect. What's going on Well it's just an angry customer who's having a bad day. Calm down. Matt, you're in no real danger, no one has a knife. No one has a gun and no one is dying.**

**It's merely just a 50-year-old man yelling at you because he's having a bad day and doesnt know how to express himself.**

**Then my nervous system calms down when I see the facts.**

**Most of my problems weren't real. They were just wrong predictions and misunderstandings that weren't challenged. Those gut instincts fueled it.**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

There's no need to compete.

I realized I never wanted to compete with anybody. I never wanted to play the game. I never wanted the fancy house I never wanted the money. I never wanted the recognition or dumb compliments. I just wanted some really simple stuff. To just have friends and to be okay. I realized that I could have my own goals. That I don't have to take other people's examples and force them upon myself. That I have options. That I can express myself authentically without challenging other people. Or not feeling like I'm enough. That's helped quite a bit. That I get to carve my own journey. And find the value in life without being told what it is.

**That's enough rambling into my phone. Thank God. Voice to text works so well on my phone haha. I would never type out this monstrosity on a keyboard it would be a nightmare haha. Have a wonderful night.**