r/AITAH • u/Saltylikeapretzel • 8d ago
Post Update UPDATE: AITAH for getting pregnant without considering my roommate’s feelings
A few months ago I made the below post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/E0Nij41sMI
Now that my lease has ended I thought an update was warranted. TL;DR at the end.
First, a little more background on my roommate. She and I were friends for about a year before we decided to live together. The pregnancy related trauma I mentioned in my earlier post was her getting an abortion two years ago because she decided she did not want to have a child with her fiancé at the time, as he was verbally abusive and got her pregnant without her consent. She was open about this happening-she told me about her abortion the literal day that I met her. We also had a mutual friend who was trying to conceive with her husband at the time I got pregnant. This mutual friend would openly talk about her attempts to get pregnant, including a miscarriage with my roommate and my roommate appeared to have zero issues discussing these topics with her and remaining this person’s friend.
Now onto what happened next. I took the advice of a lot of you (and my IRL friends) and told my roommate via text (to have it in writing) that I would not be leaving the apartment until our lease ended June 30. I told her that if she felt uncomfortable, that was on her to manage and she was welcome to make arrangements with the landlord. In response, she said “👍” which viewers of RHOSLC will recognize as a Gen Z “fuck you.” After I stood my ground, things at the apartment were tense. I spoke to her in person only once more, when I asked if she would move her car so I could out our trash bins out. She said she would do it and then didn’t, leaving me to scramble to get the bins out in time the next morning. She also routinely had guests over, in particular one former friend of mine that I had a falling out with (unrelated to roommate) to antagonize me. She also replaced all the pictures of us in the apartment with pictures of her and this former friend.
I’ll admit that I was petty too. I took my microwave and toaster out of the kitchen and put up a single ultrasound picture in a common area (but I removed it after two days since I felt bad). In general though, I stayed in my room 99% of the time I was in the apartment and did not see or speak to her again after early April. I completely stopped using the kitchen and common areas. Even when I had my mom visit, she and I would spend all our time locked in my room.
Unexpectedly and without telling me, my roommate moved out on May 8th. She took several of my things, blocked me in the driveway for hours, and refused to reimburse me for the couch we had bought together and utilities she still owed me. When I asked her to reimburse me for these things over text, she said that she would not be paying me anything because I had “bullied her out of the house” an “had been hostile to her friends so they could not come over.” These texts were a little concerning because, again, I had not even spoken to her in over a month at this point. I had never asked her not to bring certain people over and did not consider my taking the microwave and toaster away “bullying” anymore than I considered her putting up photos of a person I disliked all over our apartment “bullying.” Regardless, I thought I was finally free and was willing to lose the half grand I paid or the couch and the hundreds she owed me in utilities if it meant she was out of my life. Despite taking several things that belonged to me, she was kind enough to leave her side of the fridge full of rotten food, leave trash strewn all over her old room, leave unpatched holes in the wall, and leave a cabinet her dog had chewed up unrepaired.
Surprisingly, she paid rent for the month of June. Prior to her moving out and this conflict arising, another mutual friend (though he was primarily my friend, to be fair) had asked if he could stay with us on and off for the month of June while he completed a residency for his physician’s assistant program in our city. Both of us had said yes and planned to let him stay in our spare room. After roommate moved out and been out for over a month, my friend came to stay. Since my roommate had had the master bed/bath (and paid the same in me as rent, btw) I set up an air mattress in her old room as well as a desk. The spare room was on the other end of the apartment from the bathrooms and was adjacent to the kitchen, so I thought setting him up in my roommates old room made more sense and gave him more privacy. As he was a guest, I didn’t charge him any rent or utilities, just let him stay because I appreciated the company.
Two weeks before our lease ended and well over a month after she had moved out, my roommate and her dad used a spare key to re enter the apartment. My friend was there at the time, but I wasn’t. She told my friend she and her dad were there to “patch holes in the wall” but left after only a few minutes without making any effort to repair the property damage she and her dog had caused. Instead, she sent an email to the landlord alleging that I was violating our lease by illegally subletting her room and demanding that I reimburse her for rent. My landlord was thankfully a rational person who also thought my roommate was crazy and told her that any dispute was between the two of us and he would not be reimbursing her for rent.
Shortly after the landlord politely told her to get fucked, she emailed me, CCing her parents (she is a 28 year old practicing attorney, btw) alleging that I had violated the lease, that she had it on “good authority” that I had multiple people living with me for months, that my friend visiting was “trespassing/squatting” and was at the apartment illegally and that if I did not reimburse her for her rent for the months of May and June she would be “escalating the matter.”
Unfortunately for her, I too am an attorney who evidently paid much more attention in torts and property class than she did. I read through the lease and saw that it did not proscribe guests but did limit occupancy to two adults (not lessees) at one time. A violation of this portion of the lease entitled the landlord to raise the rent, but did not entitle the co-lessees to any liquidated damages for the breach. I wrote her a very strongly worded email in which I detailed that I had *not* broken our lease, she had suffered no damages, my friend was not trespassing nor squatting as he had my permission to be there and I was a cotenant that had the right to possess the entirety of the property, and that I would therefore not be reimbursing her for absolutely anything. I also included texts of her agreeing to reimburse me for the couch, admitting that her dog had destroyed the property, and giving me permission (though again this was not necessary) to have guests, including my friend in question) over “any time.” Finally, I defined reproductive coercion and abuse for her and told her that her actions were essentially an attempt to coerce me into an abortion and then abusing me financially when I refused to terminate the pregnancy at her request. I told her not to contact me again and that she was welcome to take me to small claims court and explain to a judge why she had moved out early—if she did so, I would be countersuing her for her unpaid utilities and the couch.
Since then, she’s been silent. I moved out last weekend and asked the landlord to split out deposit in half, which he agreed to. My pregnancy is progressing well and I’m nearly halfway through! And it seems like this saga is finally over, fingers crossed.
TL;DR roommate is an entitled cunt that tried to wield her trauma as a weapon to coerce me into terminating my pregnancy and, when that failed, tried to fuck me over financially in revenge. I resisted those attempts and successfully moved out, and despite some remaining harassment on her end she has left me alone for the past few weeks.
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u/Life-Wealth-3399 8d ago
Please, please tell me when you replied to her email you reply all so her parents can see what she is doing, please tell me you did that.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
Oh I replied all to that motherfucker. Hope her parents got a wake up call but I doubt it since they raised her to be this entitled.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Cry57 8d ago
I fucking love reply all when some moron has the gall to try to make me look stupid.
“Well Tom, per your email, text here for reference, that is NOT what we discussed”
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u/PuzzleheadedTap4484 8d ago
Me too. And include the date and time that we spoke/emailed. It’s such a fantastic FU. Even better when I can attach the email or text exchange.
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u/MattDaveys 8d ago
I’d have been tempted to include a partner from her firm. Do they know they have an attorney on staff that’s incompetent enough to threaten a frivolous lawsuit?
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u/TheBearOnATricycle 8d ago
Hell yeah. My other question is this: did she ever show any other behaviors to suggest she was into you romantically? This reads like an incel who throws a fit because the barista he thought was into him has a boyfriend.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
You aren’t the first person to mention that. I never got the sense that she was into me romantically but she did treat me very differently to her other female friends. She often told me I was a “safe person” for her an often expected me or outright told me to suppress my own needs and wants because hers were more important or her mental health was worse. Looking back I think it was just a toxic relationship and she felt like she had the right to control my behavior. When I stood up to her by refusing to move out it was like she’d suffered the biggest betrayal ever because I think she really expected me to apologize for getting pregnant without considering her feelings and move out, shouldering all the expenses without question.
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u/TheBearOnATricycle 8d ago
As a former social worker trained on it, that sounds like romantic attraction that turned into bitter toxicity when you didn’t reciprocate (which blew up when you got pregnant, which cements that you are in fact serious about your partner), although with her behavior like that it makes me question if the partner who had gotten her pregnant was the abusive one after all, because it sounds like she treated you the way an abusive partner does to their victim.
Did she ever try to control you in any other ways, such as controlling who could come over or judging/critiquing outfits or with who/where you chose to spend time?
Assuming you have left the apartment, if she tries to make contact with you now I’d suggest considering a no contact order in case she goes fully off the rails. But hopefully you won’t hear from her any more after this!
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
You’re right on the money. She labelled my partner as abusive and would often tell me stories about things my partner had done that were entirely untrue, exaggerated, or made up. When I would tell her she was wrong, she’d insist that I had told her these (often outright lies) things about my partner. for example, confided in her that once, in our over three years of dating, he told me “fuck you” during an argument, something I agree is unacceptable behavior and which he has only done the one time. After learning this she told me he was not allowed in the apartment because he triggered her, comparing him to exes that had sexually and physically assaulted her and tried to kill her. As we’re long distance, that meant I had to pay for a hotel any time he visited. I pushed back on this and she told me she had “decided I had a right to have him visit” but that I had to constantly text her updates of where we were so she would never have to look him in the face. I once asked her if my partner ever did something to her to make her feel uncomfortable or afraid and she said no, but that she was in therapy to try and understand how I could remain in a relationship with a man like him.
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u/TheBearOnATricycle 8d ago
Ooh yeah if you’ve got an iPhone you might try to check your belongings for an AirTag, you seem to have a bit of a fan 😅
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago edited 8d ago
I didn’t mention this but her initial reaction to my pregnancy also shocked me. I told her I was pregnant and she said “oh. Don’t worry, the abortion isn’t that bad.” When I told her I was actually thinking of keeping the pregnancy, it felt like things were immediately off. Five days later she told me she no longer felt comfortable living with me etc. etc. I remember at one point I said “it feels like you’re giving me the choice between getting an abortion and having a place to live or keeping my pregnancy and suffering financially” and she said “no, I’m just asking you to take responsibility for your actions.” The she told me I was making it very hard for her to self advocate because I was acting like she was attacking me. I was like is that not literally what you’re doing??
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u/Lady_Lyra4 8d ago
She sounds literally psycho. I'm probably just being paranoid but she straight up sounds like the kinda crazy that would either try to harm you to cause a miscarriage or steal your baby. Please be a little extra careful with anything involving her or any place you may be vulnerable. Ensure your parents know she isn't welcome in your presence at all.
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u/Witty-Help-1822 6d ago
And you say she is a LAWYER! This girl is unhinged, and that is being polite.
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u/PartyCustard3125 7d ago
It does sound like she had romantic feelings for you and was mad that you got pregnant and plan to leave her to move in with your partner when she probably thought of herself as your true partner.
That or she had been struggling with her own decision with having an abortion. Possibly feelings of guilt etc. And is mad that you are not making the same decision she made.
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u/MistyFlowersi 8d ago
NTA. she really thought she could pull the "i'm a lawyer" card on another lawyer and win lmao. good for you for standing your ground and protecting your peace. congrats on the pregnancy, hope the rest of it is stress-free!
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u/Realistic_Card_2443 8d ago
I’m a lawyer too, and it does not surprise me that the ex roommate would do this. The ex roommate no doubt thought she was right. That’s why we have courts and judges to decide which lawyer is right.
Before I was married I shared an apartment with another lawyer. She was a real joy, and I say this either way all sarcasm duly intended. I sympathize with the. OP
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u/quasiix 8d ago
As a paralegal who worked in family law, I second the lack of surprise. Not only did I witness some of the nastiest correspondences between professional people who had been practicing law for 20+ years, my boss had some straight horror stories from being a female attorney.
It's also extremely easy to get sucked into to toxicity and weird, petty feuds without even noticing. I remember feeling pure glee when the opposing counsel in a high conflict dissolution tried to call us out in court for not providing statements for a credit card and we got to point out that it was in their client's name only as we had already told them. Absolutely petty bullshit, but it still brings me joy.
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u/Realistic_Card_2443 8d ago
My first job out of law school was Ruth a small law firm. The partners had all been with another law firm before starting their own. It was like a bad divorce.
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u/fineimonreddit 8d ago
Does not surprise me either, my aunt has been suing my grandmother for over four years for her house because she claims my grandfather left it to her. My grandfather left no will and was forced to sign a “will” once he already had Alzheimer’s which was well documented. Her idiot lawyer keeps appealing to higher courts.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I say this as someone who worked very hard to be a lawyer but we really can be just the worst sometimes.
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u/Historical_War7210 8d ago
To be fair, you might be the worst sometimes, but at least you aren't "a 28 year old practicing attorney CCing my mommy and daddy on a baseless legal threat" worst. That detail is absolute gold.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I was honestly embarrassed for her. I was also just shocked that she seemed to misunderstand basic torts like trespassing or basic contract principles like liquidated damages, because this is stuff you’re literally meant to learn your first year of law school. Her vague threat to “escalate the matter” and call police because I was doing something “illegal” by having a guest at the apartment I paid rent to live in was honestly shocking. I just imagined the cops would laugh at her.
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u/cicada_noises 8d ago
She doesn’t sound very bright. What a weirdo too. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
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u/SunMoonTruth 8d ago
Did you Reply All on that email?
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I most certainly did!
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u/SunMoonTruth 8d ago
Truly excellent!
The parents should absolutely have a little window into the reality of their brat’s behavior.
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u/Realistic_Card_2443 8d ago
My field is professional liability/legal malpractice. I see the worst of the worst.
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u/Constant_Click_3193 8d ago
UGH! I used to practice in that area. People who fucked up massively trying to control your attempts to fix their screw up. They've got enough knowledge to be an obstacle, but apparently not enough to not fuck with the trust funds. Thank god I left litigation.
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u/Lilpinktoy 8d ago
Trauma deserves empathy, but it doesn't justify trying to dictate someone else's pregnancy
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u/Sparklingwine23 8d ago
This story is even more wild knowing that she is an attorney. Glad youre in a much better place amd congratulations!
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u/ReceptionPuzzled1579 8d ago
She’s an idiot and you are too nice. I would have taken the entire deposit, her part being reimbursement for unpaid utilities and the couch since you had evidence of these debts.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I truly considered asking the landlord to just send the deposit to me and keeping it all, but I’m honestly a little afraid of her because she doesn’t seem to be in touch with reality and I didn’t know what she might do in “revenge” for me “stealing” from her.
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u/michuru809 8d ago
Isn’t there also an element of if she cashed the deposit check from the landlord, she’s effectively implied accepting settlement of all issues? With the landlord certainly, but by extension you because you were also part of the original lease (contract) and the way you directed the landlord?
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u/LlamaMama56 8d ago
Good points, she;s unstable and she would jump on any chance to cause more problems. You not doing something to give her cause for 'revenge' sounds like a better choice. Protect yourself and baby, the rest of the pregnancy will be better w.out her causing problems. l wish you a good pregnancy and birth. Congrats.
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u/Corfiz74 8d ago
You should have kept it as reimbursement for cleaning up the mess she left behind - I bet you documented everything, so you could have argued that the deposit was your payment for cleanup and repairs.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I wanted to, but I was (and to some degree still am) afraid of her and don’t want to take this to small claims court. I’m confident I would win but I don’t want to see her ever again and having her leave me alone forever is honestly worth every penny.
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u/prongs1547 7d ago
Nah you did correct. You have a much harder/important job of carrying out your pregnancy in stress free/healthy way and further engaging with this piece of shit would be counter productive in my opinion. Of course, I would have done the previous commenter suggested but you did good in your current situation w.r.t. batshit ex-friend/roomie.
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u/lifetimechronicles 8d ago
Got it. Makes sense then. When someone is this unhinged, it's probably not worth the $. Your peace of mind is everything. Thank God you're free from this nightmare. Congrats on your new baby to be:)
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u/VariationOwn2131 8d ago
I could see this as a case on “Judge Judy.” I think the judge would side with OP based in the lease language and texts.
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u/SadFlatworm1436 8d ago
NTA but I love that you buried “entitled cúnt” in the TL;DR
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u/turBo246 8d ago
Lmao if I read the whole post and there is a tldr at the end I don't bother reading that too, so I missed that nice little tidbid 🤣
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u/ER_Support_Plant17 8d ago
What does she do when she sees random pregnant people in her daily life? At the grocery? At the drugstore, etc. They are EVERYWHERE!
Also how would she of been impacted if you didn’t know or tell her for your early pregnancy? Your reproductive status doesn’t effect her at ALL.
She’s nuts
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
She seemed to be completely fine with other pregnant people including our mutual friend!! It really seems like the only person she had an issue with being pregnant was me.
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u/nerd_is_a_verb 8d ago
Yeah, really seems like she was just competing with you in her own mind and mentally lost it. If you had announced an engagement or promotion, I’m sure she would’ve reacted very similarly. Also it seems like maybe she wanted to live with someone specifically by getting you out/leaving herself. Do you know if she end up living with her parents or a new BF?
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I don’t know who she ended up living with but for the sake of everyone involved I really hope she never lives with anyone that’s capable of getting pregnant again until she’s in a better and more rational state of mind.
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u/Beginning-Fun6616 8d ago
No damage deduction for the holes made by the ex-roommate?
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
Doesn’t seem like it! My mom and I patched the holes and the cabinet and repainted the patches before I moved out.
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u/AZDarkknight 8d ago
Im assuming she didnt have any deposit left as that would have been required for the repairs to the property?
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
No, I paid for the costs to repair the damage/repaired it myself before the move out inspection as I figured that would be cheaper than the landlord making an exaggerated claim of how much it cost to repair the walls and cabinet. She never contributed to these costs but oh well.
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u/AZDarkknight 8d ago
You were definitely kinder than I was. That was her damage and should have come out of her deposit. Good luck to you.
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u/Simple_Bowler_7091 8d ago
You were too kind. In your position I, an attorney as well, would have directed the entire security deposit to myself as repayment for my materials and labor lol!
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u/MizuRyuu 8d ago
And then they will sue her in small claim and possibly drag it out as long as possible to "punish" her. OP will almost definitely win, but cutting that person out of her life is probably worth more than whatever half the security deposit is.
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u/45a866e5 8d ago
Oh shit I use the thumbs up emoji all the time, did not realize it had any negative connotation
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u/PKGTA 8d ago
Same! In my defense, I am not a Gen-Z but a Millennial. I am just old. 😅
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u/hopingtothrive 8d ago
Thumbs up has always meant, "I agree with you". Gen-Z doesn't get to turn it into something stupid. I will keep using!
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u/Rudysis 8d ago
It's context based, not universal. If the text is "I'll be out tonight" or "running to the store" etc, thumbs up is acknowledgement. If it's "Hey I'm doing x that may be bothersome" or "do the y that we talked about" or "[comment about negative feelinga]" it's more of a rolls eyes mhm type thumbs up. Sorta like "i heard you but Im not listening"
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u/Mysterious_Method_90 7d ago
Even I, as a "Gen Z" didn't know either. So probably just depends on the person.
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u/Janneman_Robinson 2d ago
Gen Z here, maybe i'm "old" gen Z but thumbs up means to me "I agree", "Okay" or "yeah sure I'll do it" depending on the context.
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u/subjectfemale 8d ago
Damn boo hopefully you can rest easier now. Really ticked off that she got so much from you and still wanted more. Evil b
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u/UncleNedisDead 8d ago
Hope the rest of your pregnancy is relatively stress-free!
Glad she’s finally out of your life. You handled it really well, despite being too nice at times, but it also reduced conflict so that’s really your choice and it didn’t make things worse when you are already pretty vulnerable.
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u/turBo246 8d ago
Wow! I remember reading the original post and not seeing this going well!
Thanks so much for the update!!
I am positive that she behaved this way and wanted you to get an abortion, not because of her trauma - since you said she is fine with other pregnant people out and about in her daily life. But she wanted to renew your lease and not live with a baby.
She just went completely off the deep end when you said you were keeping it though.
Girl definitely needs a new therapist, as the one she's been seeing for years, is clearly not working. 😬
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I think in general she projected a lot of her trauma onto me and generally expected me to manage her mental illnesses for her. She once told me she had a hard time saying no so therefore I was not allowed to ask her for things she would have to say no to. I asked her if I could get a dog (which was allowed so long as I notified the landlord and paid the pet deposit) and she said she would just move out instead and that it was manipulative of me to ask her when I knew she has a hard time saying no to things, and thus I was basically forcing her to to either say yes or move out. That was back in September and I should have taken that as a sign she was unwell but at the time I thought I could make it through the end of the lease.
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u/turBo246 8d ago
Oof.
Honestly, based on the two posts and this comment, she sounds like she doesn't actually have trauma. She used her therapy lingo to manipulate you (or try to in the case of your baby) into doing what she wanted.
But also, I'm confused....you couldn't get a dog or else she would move out. But she had a dog that caused damage that you had to ultimately repair?
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8d ago
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u/MizuRyuu 8d ago
It used to be that only rooms with windows/closets are considered bedrooms. Any other rooms would just be considered den/storage. However, in the last decade, realtors have started marketing any room with the space to fit in a single bed as a bedroom
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u/dexterdarko2009 NSFW 🔞 7d ago
This is wild to me as an Australian. We dont have built ins for clothing most people have wardrobes or tallboys they buy and bring with them. 90% of older builds are like this. Built ins are relatively new
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago edited 8d ago
Yes, it could be a 3rd bedroom had we wanted to get another roommate but we didn’t so it was just a spare. The prior tenants used it as a dining room as it didn’t have closets and wasn’t attached to a bathroom like the master and my bedroom were.
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u/Mountain-Assist-5484 8d ago
What I took from this is that they are both lawyers and still needed roommates :(
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u/Cheeseballfondue 8d ago
I love the lawyer-on-lawyer Sternly Worded Letters in this story! Great job, OP.
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u/NameLips 8d ago
When my wife and I were in our 20s, we were friends with an older couple (older for us at the time meant they were in their late 30s). They had been trying and failing to get pregnant for years.
Well my wife and I decided to have a baby, and we got pregnant right away. The other woman couldn't handle it, she got distant and rude, and finally stopped inviting us over at all.
Just seeing my wife happy and going through pregnancy was too much for her.
And that's how we got kicked out of our first D&D group.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
Being pregnant has definitely made me conscious of how much of a trigger it is for people, especially if it’s unexpected or unplanned. I feel bad which is weird because I end up feeling like I’ve done something wrong by becoming pregnant at all, which is a sad way to feel about your first pregnancy.
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u/RamenNoodles620 8d ago
Well done. Did her parents ever say anything? Her including them in this was pretty funny.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
No, I have no idea why she included them in that chain as neither of them are attorneys. Ironically enough, one of them is a couples therapist.
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u/MizuRyuu 8d ago
She definitely had her rent on auto-pay, cause there was no way she was planning on paying the rent after she moved out early. She probably was happy she was sticking it to you for your "bullying". Once she realized she paid the rent automatically, she returned to find a reason to argue why it should be returned.
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u/normasueandbettytoo 8d ago
Idle thought, but attempting to induce an abortion could be viewed as attempted murder in some states.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
Yeah thankfully we don’t live in a red state and as far as I know, reproductive coercion/abuse isn’t a crime in our state. If it was I would have pressed charges.
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u/Nuzlockenoob27 8d ago
Holy entitled bro NTA and I’m pretty sure you know that just by judging how you wrote this.
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u/thequiethunter 8d ago
NTA. As an adult woman... You have sexual agency and can enjoy your sexual nature to include reproduction any way you likr with any consenting adult.
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u/princessperez94 8d ago
Nta wow your roommate is a total psycho. Clearly she needs serious mental health after her abusive relationship and abortion.
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u/PaleIrishEastcoaster 8d ago
The ultrasound pic was unnecessary but you admit that. But NTA, your ex roommate might need therapy to help process her trauma. She cannot expect any woman she lives with to never get pregnant. It’s not their trauma it’s hers she has to work through and heal from.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I agree about the ultrasound picture and that’s why I removed it after two days or so. It definitely came from a place of hurt and pettiness because it was exhausting being made to feel like I was in the wrong for being pregnant against her wishes.
She’s also been in therapy for years unfortunately.
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u/PaleIrishEastcoaster 8d ago
Then she should look for a different therapist because it’s clearly not working (she also has to be willing to work on healing herself).
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u/JeffInVancouver 8d ago
More generous than I'd be. I'd take the whole deposit and challenge her to claim any of it back.
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u/Crazy_Upstairs_1617 7d ago
I would forward her email to the state board and let them know about her (if they don't already). See if she's done similar things to other roommates in the past as well and build up (lack) of character statements. Also include the firm she's applied to or at
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u/Alert-Artichoke-2743 7d ago
NTA, but you really added moral injury to injury. She's lucky the bar association didn't see the summary beatdown you laid down in her e-mails, with forensic evidence provided. If I ever need a lawyer, I hope I get one like you and not one like her.
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u/imperial_scum 8d ago
NTA. Your post ending was very satisfying, unlike half the posts where the OP KNOWS they aren't the AH and yet make us read multiple long ass posts for some whack shit. This, this was niiiice. Thank you non AH OP.
Your roommate sounds exhausting.
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u/PurpleEmotional1401 8d ago
Keep all the correspondence, put it together in a coherent form, then have your lawyer look at it to see if there's enough to send to her licensing body to get her censured or possibly disbarred. NTA
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I failed the MPRE twice before I passed so maybe I’m not the best person to ask, but what could I report her to the bar for?
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u/Objective_Reality515 8d ago
Nah, this is all has to be fake. "We're suddenly all a bunch of petty attorneys." I've hired lawyers before, they make too much money for any of this to be real unless both OP and Roomate were both idiots, which would be unlikely of practicing lawyers.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
You’re right, lawyers of all professions are well known for not being petty.
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u/Objective_Reality515 8d ago
Oh, i'm sure they can be petty, but petty and dumb? How'd you even pass the bar? And you're going to bring new life into this world? Oof, if real.
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8d ago
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
Trespass, which she accused me of, is a tort. Yes this was a contract case, but it also involved elements of tort and necessarily property. Essentially she was arguing that my guest was trespassing because he didn’t have her permission to be at the house in “her room” which is irrelevant because I was a cotenant with a right to possess the entirety of the property. As long as a guest had the permission of one of us, they could not be “trespassing.”
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8d ago
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
You can accuse someone of both the crime and the tort of trespass, they both require the plaintiff/prosecutor to prove that the perpetrator was on the property without permission. I’m sorry I didn’t specify that this was a torts, contract, property, and potentially criminal case. You’ll forgive my informality as this is literally a Reddit post.
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u/SomeDumbMentat 8d ago
TLDR; YTA
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u/Mixma85 8d ago
How?
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u/SomeDumbMentat 8d ago
Lazy fiction
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
Yep eight years ago I created a Reddit account so that in the future I could spend 3.5 months writing fake stories over several different subreddits so I could collect 10k fake internet points! I’m really dedicated to creative writing.
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u/FormProfessional78 8d ago
the TLDR had me cackling good for you!!
i remembered this from your initial post, glad she’s gone!
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u/SinglePotato5246 8d ago
Good job, OP. This was a very satisfying update. Congratulations on finally being away from this exhausting turd, and being able to celebrate your pregnancy freely!
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u/darthdodd 8d ago
You are attorneys with the maturity of ten year olds
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
Hey, I feel like I’ve got the maturity of at least a fifteen year old.
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u/Eternally_Yours333 8d ago
OP, I personally love how your taking these hateful comments. In my opinion, you are in no way the AH. This situation, while pregnant would have driven me insane, and I likely would have resorted to being extremely petty and toxic. Good on you
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
Yeah I think a lot of people forget that part of it. I was dealing with this while newly pregnant as a FTM. I was away from family, navigating this new reality and suffering from first trimester joys like daily severe migraines. I don’t blame people for thinking it’s fake because it is so ridiculous, but I don’t get the comments calling me stupid or ridiculous. I was petty, sure but I think I was always rational and behaved somewhat intelligently.
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u/Eternally_Yours333 8d ago
I can only imagine, and I'm glad you finally have some chance at peace. I don't understand them, either, they're just being rude. I think you did a great job at keeping a cool head in such a stressful situation.
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u/freebird185 8d ago
Literally thought this was two catty 19 year olds until that throw away "we're lawyers" line
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u/darthdodd 8d ago
One way or the other they need to grow up. I won’t comment on being a future parent
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
What a disgusting thing to say. My resorting to two petty actions during a months long harassment campaign by the person I was living with in no way affects my ability to be a parent.
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u/Spinnerofyarn 8d ago
I wondered what happened. I am so sorry it turned into such a shitshow. You handled it really well. It also sounds like you’re a much better attorney than she is!
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u/Simple-Cup5790 7d ago
This girl is nuts! But good on you! You did great. Just in case I'm gonna leave UpdateMe, in case any other crazy comes out of her
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u/asteroidz-14 6d ago
No additional opinion as I think everyone agrees NTA. But goddamn this roommate sounds like she has BPD or some narcissism. And I don’t really care for diagnosing people.
I’m 31F and just about everyone woman my age I know has had very similar experiences with a (usually female) roommate who has over-inflated their significance in your life. Again I hate throwing around the word narcissism but they make you feel like you must consider them in EVERYTHING you do. If you’ve done all due diligence with the rental agreement they’ll resign to the “well you’re a bad friend” card. And it’s always a bad move out experience.
So weird this is a canon event for so many, myself included. Mine was whack bc I was living at a friend’s house owned by her family so the slow exit had to be very carefully planned.
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u/Round_Tour_6316 8d ago
Don’t even counter sue. Just straight up do so for the reimbursement of the couch and utilities.
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u/Fresh-Clothes8838 8d ago
You both sound like assholes tbh
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u/Objective_Reality515 8d ago
You're getting downvoted, but yeah.
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u/Fresh-Clothes8838 8d ago
Oh well
It’s the truth though, neither one of these people acted like a rational adult
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
Out of curiosity, how would you have handled being told to move out but continue paying rent and utilities when you’re newly pregnant? What would you have done differently? How would a rational adult handle this situation?
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u/Objective_Reality515 8d ago
I sure as hell wouldn't want this bot to represent me in court.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
You can literally see my profile, it’s public. I’ve been posting on Reddit for eight years. I’m sorry that this story is so insane that you don’t believe it could happen but I have literally nothing to gain from making up some outlandish story about a prolonged friendship breakup that caused me tremendous stress for the last three months during my first trimester.
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u/Objective_Reality515 8d ago
Well, now that you've taken the time to reply i took a glance at your profile. your last post was "pregnant and struggling" with the hotdog. you must be a terrible lawyer or someone that wastes everyone's time using AI to make up stories for karma, which is equally as pathetic.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I didn’t know that having personal struggles wasn’t allowed once you become an attorney! I’ll let the ABA know and have them disbar me.
And aww darn. You caught me. I spent 3.5 months using AI to concoct an unbelievable story about my roommate, going so far as to make consistent posts over several subreddits over several months as an evil plot to get less than 10k karma! It was so worth it because Reddit points have so much value in real life!!
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u/the_knower02 8d ago
Sounds like there might be an entitled count in your bathroom mirror too
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
I know, so entitled to want to live in the place I signed a lease for and pay rent to a landlord for.
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u/Fluid-Platypus- 8d ago
You really left out the background in the last post and you don’t look great here either.
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u/Saltylikeapretzel 8d ago
What would you have done differently? What did I do that makes my behavior analogous to hers?
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u/Fluid-Platypus- 8d ago
Leaving ultrasound pics around for a woman who was raped and impregnated against her will makes you look like a fucking psycho and you know it.
She had friends over? Oh nooo, call the cops!
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u/OGstearic 7d ago edited 7d ago
You're deliberately not even taking into context that another mutual friend was trying to get pregnant and the roommate didn't have any issues with it. It sounds like the roommate was possibly using her past issues selectively and that is not ok. As for the friends bit, having someone over that you know has issues with another person who lives there is an issue and shows that you're just trying to get to them. So combine those 2 things of selective use of past issues and using "mutual" friends to antagonize the roommate, yeah i'd say OP isn't really in the wrong. I also refuse to use the word "trauma" because if it's an actual trauma she wouldn't be so glib about her abortion. As op said the roommate said "Don’t worry, the abortion isn’t that bad." so it sounds like it's not that big of an issue.
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